After watching the amazing "I remember everything" 4x01 scene and Damon's awesome speech defending his decision to save her first, even if Matt had died, something has been playing on my mind that I wanted to write about and share with you.
Elena's logic about Stefan respecting her because he listened to her, whereas Damon is selfish and couldn't let go doesn't make sense.
Quick re-run of 3x22: Elena values Matt's life before her's, and her decision is for Matt to be saved first, even if it means she dies in the process. Stefan doesn't like this. He wants to save Elena first, not Matt, but eventually, he does what she's asking him to do. Matt is saved, and Elena drowns and becomes a vampire, the last thing she wants.
In 4x01, Elena asks Damon that if he had been at the bridge that night and not Stefan, and she had begged him to save Matt, what would he have done? Damon risposte that he would have saved her, "In a heartbeat, no question", bringing to mind 2x18 when he tells her "When it comes down to te and the witch again, I will gladly let Bonnie die. I will always choose you." "And Matt would be dead," Elena states. "Because te couldn't let go. Matt would be DEAD!"
Damon risposte "But te wouldn't be. And te would have got to grow up and have the life that te wanted, the life that te deserve. And I know I didn't used to get that, but I do now. And I wanted that for te Elena. And I would have gladly dato it to te and let Matt DIE, because I am that selfish."

Elena's logic (and Stelena fan and Julie Plec's logic) is that because Stefan did as she asked, then it means he 'respects' her, whereas Damon does not, because instead of listening to her, Damon would have overridden her choice, and saved her, thus letting Matt die. In other words, because Stefan DIDN'T put Elena first, then he respects her. The più I think about this, the più I think the logic in this argument is nuts.
Stefan doesn't have to agree with everything Elena wants to do. She is not some Supernatural deity who is never going to make a mistake o do something stupid. Her choices as an eighteen anno old girl are going to be flawed and unsound. OK, she values Matt's life before her own, very noble of her. But how is Stefan NOT respecting Elena if he puts her life before the life of some other guy? Stefan likes Matt, but they are not best Friends o family, and therefore, even though Matt's life is of equal value, Elena's life is always going to be più precious to Stefan da virtue of the fact that he loves her. So, if Stefan had gone against Elena's wishes at that time, it doesn't mean he has no repect for her; it means he isn't willing to lose the girl he loves, that's all. You'd think that Elena of all people would be able to understand that. She's Lost a lot of people she loves, and she should be able to understand why Stefan couldn't orso to risk losing her.

Now let's look at Damon. It makes absolutely no sense why he should be considered 'selfish' because he wants what's best for her. Not merely so she could be alive, but so she could have the human life she's always wanted. Even if it means a life and a future which doesn't strictly have him in it. How can that be selfish? After all, Damon doesn't want to give her the life HE wants for her; he wants to give her the life SHE'S always wanted: a life where she could become an adult and maybe get married and have a family. Damon is once again, putting Elena first, and isn't that the very essence of what Amore is supposed to be about?
SE'ers will undoubtedly argue that da saving Matt, Stefan is also putting Elena first. She is putting someone else's life before her own, and he just listened to that and respected her choice. Actually, Stefan isn't putting Elena first. If it were down to him, he would never have left Elena strapped in a car underwater. Respect goes beyond doing what someone asks of us sometimes. If a girl suffering from anorexia is putting her life in danger and refuses to eat, is it in her best interests for her family to respect her desire to keep starving herself? I know that's a pretty extreme example, but if it's a life o death situation, then we always put the person we Amore first, even if it might not what they would choose themselves. Stefan is not putting Elena first because not only does he NOT want to do as she's asking anyway, he's putting her life in grave danger if he does what she wants and 'respects' her choice. His decision to obey her is not motivated da love, but da fear. Fear of invoking anger if he overrides her request; fear of disappointing o displeasing her; fear of rejection o guilt if Matt dies and she blames him. Damon would face Elena's fury - and possibly lose her - if it meant she could live as a result. da saving Elena, Damon is not being selfish. He is simply seeking to do what is right for her, which in this instance, isn't perishing in a car accident and becoming a vampire, but living a long, full, human life.

No matter how many times SE'ers try to justify Elena's logic, o what reasons they o Julie Plec give us, I can never ever agree o accept that Damon is the selfish one for putting the life of the girl he loves over and above Matt's. Nor can I ever believe that Stefan was right for NOT choosing Elena, and that Stelena are an epic, endgame couple because of this. Damon loves Elena far far più than Stefan, and if Damon is wrong for loving her so much, and wanting to save her first, then I'll take him and his 'selfishness' over the nobility of Stefan and Stelena any day.