Phoebe: [wide eyed] Why are te letting him talk to your crotch that way?
Rachel: He's talking to the baby.
Phoebe: Oh, that's good. Because when I heard, "I can't wait to hear your first words" I thought, "Boy that's some trick!"
Carol: Oh, what do te know? No-one's going up to te and saying, "Hi, is that your nostril? Mind if we push this
[shouts]
Carol: pot roast through it?"
Ross: I figured after work, I'd pick up a bottle of wine, go over there, and try to... woo her.
Chandler: Hey, te know what te should do? Take her back to the 1800's when that phrase was last used.
Chandler: I'm thinking of having an affair with your wife! Oh, te know what, I just did!
Joey: Really?
Chandler: No, freak show! She's fictional!
Ross: Okay, there te go.
Rachel: Sure. Sure, I'll just sit successivo to the... transsexual from purchasing.
Ross: What are te doing tonight?
Chandler: Why, do te have a lecture?
Ross: No.
Chandler: Free as a bird, what's up?
Kate Miller: [they are doing a scene] I have a domanda about this scene.
The Director: Yes?
Kate Miller: Well, I don't understand why Adrienne's attracted to Victor.
[Joey plays Victor, she plays Adrienne]
The Director: Peel the onion. First of all, he's good-looking.
Joey: Yeah.
Kate Miller: I think my character's gonna need a little bit più of a reason than that.
Joey: Oh, hey, how about this one? It says so in the script! Y'know, I don't know why my character likes te either, I mean, it says in the script here that you're a bitch.
Kate Miller: It does not say that in the script.
Joey: It does in mine!
Rachel: Well, oh, Mark, I'm doing this for the wrong reasons, y'know? I'm just doing it to get back at Ross. I'm sorry, it's not very fair to you.
Mark: Ahh! Fair, schmair! Y'know? Look, if te want to get back at Ross, I am here for you. Really? No-no, I say-I say, I say we get back at him right on this couch. Right here!
Joey: Just because she went to Yale drama, she thinks she's like the greatest actress since, since, sliced bread!
Chandler: Ah, Sliced Bread, a wonderful Lady MacBeth.
Joey: God, I just, I hate her! I hate her! With her, "Oh, I'm so talented." and "Oh, I'm so pretty," and "Ooh, I smell so good."
Chandler: I think somebody has a crush on somebody.
Joey: Hey, Chandler, can we please stay focused on my problem here? Y'know?
Chandler: I'm talking about you. te big, big freak.
Monica: What te guys don't understand is, for us, baciare is as important as any part of it.
Joey: Yeah, right!... Y'serious?
Phoebe: Oh, yeah!
Rachel: Everything te need to know is in that first kiss.
Monica: Absolutely.
Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, baciare is pretty much like an opening act, y'know? I mean it's like the stand-up comedian te have to sit through before rosa Floyd comes out.
Ross: Yeah, and-and it's not that we don't like the comedian, it's that-that... that's not why we bought the ticket.
Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concert's over, no matter how great the mostra was, te girls are always looking for the comedian again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake.
Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise successivo time you're gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone.
Joey: [pause] ... Are we still talking about sex?
Ross: Wow, te guys sure have a lot of libri about being a lesbian.
Susan: Well, te know, te have to take a course. Otherwise they don't let te do it.
Jack Geller: I remember when we first got engaged.
Chandler: Oh, I don't think I ever heard that story.
Monica: Oh dad, really te don't need to...
Jack Geller: [ignoring her] Well, I'd gotten Judy pregnant. I still don't know that happened.
Judy Geller: [incredulous] te don't know how that happened? Your dog thought my diaphragm was a chew toy.
Joey Tribbiani: [after smelling potpourri] Well, this is like summer in a bowl!
Phoebe: [Monica stares dreamily as Richard leaves the room] Oooh, I think my boyfriend's ever so dreamy. I wonder what our wedding's gonna be like.
[in Barbados, Rachel runs into Monica and Chandler's room in the morning and opens the curtains, it has been raining a lot]
Monica: The sun is out!
Chandler: [squinting in pain] Hey, remember when I had corneas?
Joey Tribbiani: [upon hearing Ross doesn't want to go to the Film with him] Come on, man! Tom Hanks! Meg Ryan! They get mail!
Monica: Rach, it's the Visa card people.
Rachel: Oh, God, ask them what they want.
Monica: [on the phone] Could te please tell me what this is in reference to? Yes, hold on.
[to Rachel]
Monica: Um, they say there's been some unusual activity on your account.
Rachel: But I haven't used my card in weeks.
Monica: That is the unusual activity.
Chandler: I can handle this. "Handle" is my middle name. Actually, "handle" is the middle of my first name.
Reporter: I like that. what's your name?
[pointing tape recorder at Pheobe]
Phoebe: Pheobe. That's, P, as in Phoebe, H, as in heobe, O as in oebe, E, as in ebe, B, as in bebe, and E as in... Ello there mate.
[after observing a short fight between Rachel and Ross]
Phoebe: That's it? "We were on a break." "No we weren't." What happened to te two?
[repeated line]
Ross: We were on a break!
Rachel: te know, Ben, I was your daddy's girlfriend.
Ben: But you're not anymore. Because te were on a break.
Ross: [holding a bottle of champagne] Gunther, six glasses!
Gunther: [hopeful] Six? te want me to unisciti you?
Ross: Oh, I thought Joey was here. Five will be fine.
[Gunther walks away disappointed]
Ross: Boy I'm gonna get spit in my coffee, now.
Monica: Chandler, it's okay. te don't have to be so macho all the time.
Chandler: I'm not macho.
Monica: You're right. I don't know what I was thinking.
Chandler: The Bings have horrible marriages. They yell. They fight. And they use the pool boy as a pawn in their sexual games.
Ross: Chandler, have te ever put on a black cocktail dress and asked me up to your hotel room?
Chandler: No.
Ross: Then te are neither of your parents.
Ross: My dad wanted to know if te wanted to play racquetball with us.
Monica: Wow. That's great. Dad must really like you, he doesn't ask just anyone to play.
Ross: Yeah and he didn't really ask for you, he asked for Chancy, I assumed he meant you.
Chandler: Well, did-did te correct him?
Ross: No, I-I thought it would be più fun this way.
Monica: te can't fuoco me. I make your decisions and I say, "I'm not fired." Ha.
Monica: My motto is get out before they go down.
Joey: That is so not my motto.
Julie: [Monica has told everyone about Chandler's third nipple] te know, Chandler, in some cultures a third nipple is considered a mark of virility. The most desirable women dance naked around te so te can make your pick.
Chandler: Ah, would any of these cultures be in the tri-state area?
Julie: Sorry.
Joey: [during Ross's speech, Joey laughs every time he hears 'homo erectus'] Ha, Ha, he detto 'erectus'.
[notices Rachel is also laughing]
Joey: Erectus?
Rachel: [stifling laugh] No, 'homo'.
Mike Hanigan: You're not gonna try and make me unisciti a cult are you?
Ross: No...
Mike Hanigan: Oh okay. te just have that look.
Ross: [to himself] Damn SuperCuts!
[Re: "If te had to give up sex o food, which would te pick?"]
Monica: Sex!
Chandler: Seriously. Answer faster.
Monica: I'm sorry, sweetie. When she detto "sex" I wasn't thinking of sex with you.
Chandler: It's like a big hug.
Phoebe: Ross, how about you? Sex o food?
Ross: Sex!
Phoebe: What about sex o dinosaurs?
Ross: My God, it's like Sophie's Choice.
Phoebe: Joey, if te had to give up sex o food, which would te pick?
Joey: I don't know it's too hard.
Rachel: Come on, te have to answer.
Joey: Okay... sex. No, food. No, uh... I want both! I want girls on bread!
[Mona doesn't know that Rachel is living with Ross]
Mona: Listen, Rachel, I appreciate your situation but this is Valentine's Day. So, if te don't mind, would te please just go back home?
[Ross enters with his gift for Mona]
Rachel: What are te talking about? I live here.
Ross: [nervously gives Mona her present] Happy Valentine's Day.
[Mona stares angrily at Ross]
Ross: Or, something to remember me by...
[Monica knocks]
Chandler: te can't come in.
Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked.
Ross: What?
Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
[Joey just got ordained via the internet so that he could perform Monica and Chandler's wedding]
Joey: Hey, I started working on what I'm going to say at the ceremony. Wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah.
Joey: We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special Amore that Monica and Chandler share.
[Monica and Chandler look impressed]
Joey: It is a Amore based of giving and receiving as well as having and sharing. And the Amore that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and Amore and have... and receive.
[later]
Joey: Okay, te guys, I've got a little più written... are te ready?
Chandler: Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Joey: When I think of the Amore that these two givers and receivers share, I cannot help but envy the lifetime ahead of having and loving and giving... and then I can't think of a good word for right here.
Monica: How bout receiving?
Joey: Yes!
Joey: Anyway, I started working on what I'm gonna say at the ceremony, te wanna hear it?
Monica, Chandler: Yeah!
Joey: Now, listen, it's just the first draft so... ”We are gathered here today on this joyous occasion to celebrate the special Amore that Monica and Chandler share. It is a Amore based on giving and receiving, as well as having and sharing. And the Amore that they give and have is shared and received. And through this having and giving and sharing and receiving, we too can share and Amore and have and receive."
Chandler: [to Monica] Shouldn't we call the spitter?
[after catching Ross baciare Chandler's mother in front of the male bathroom]
Joey: I'll just go pee in the street.
Eddie: [Chandler just asked him to sposta out] This is kinda out of the blue, isn't it?
Chandler: No, no, no. This isn't out of the blue. This is schiaffo, smack dab in the middle of the blue.
Phoebe: No, huh uh, no way, I'm sorry, not gonna happen.
Chandler: Whoa, whoa, prom night flashback.
Joey: And te call yourself an accountant?
Chandler: ...No.
[Joey and Chandler apartment has been robbed]
Joey: Aw, man. He took the five of spades.
[looks through deck]
Joey: No, here it is.
Rachel: Hey, te guys wanna go see a movie?
Ross: Yeah, sure.
Rachel: How about you, Phoebe?
Phoebe: No, thanks, I've already seen one.
[Chandler's key broke in Monica's door]
Chandler: I Amore you.
Monica: I Amore te too.
Chandler: Are te hugging the door right now?
Monica: Um... no?
Chandler: Uh... yeah, yeah, me neither.
Monica: Oh my god. How cute is the new eye doctor?
Rachel: So cute I'm thinking about jamming this pen in my eye.
[Ross is wearing a white suit]
Monica: I like it even better on te than on Colonel Sanders.
Ross: Look, I just came here to tell te guys something.
Rachel: Oh. Was it how te invented the cotton gin?
Joey: And look. A phone in the bathroom.
Monica: Joey, don't ever call me from that phone.
Joey: Want some jam?
Chandler: No thanks, I just had a jar of mustard.
