Disclaimers: If I owned Harry Potter, would I be Scrivere this stupid list?
I don’t even know why anyone would want to own Twilight.
1. When he’s fast asleep, sound a trumpet right successivo to his ear.
2. Sing “The Song That Never Ends.”
3. At five-thirty in the morning, wake him up, ‘Good morning, dear Lord Snake-face!’
4. Constantly compare him to Darth Vader.
5. Let loose 3,846,729,462 mice in his bedchamber.
6. cappotto every corner of his headquarters in butter/cheese.
7. Introduce him to Bella/Voldy pairings.
8. Throw water over him. If my calculations are correct, he’d melt!
9. mostra him Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
10. Sacrifice Nagini to Isis.
11. Try to get him to ride a broom.
12. Tell him Snape’s true nature.
13. Drive the Knight Bus into Headquarters.
14. On the giorno before the full moon, steal all of the Wolfsbane potion, and then lock him in a room with Fenrir.
15. Answer only in rhyme to him, but act perfectly normal to everyone else.
16. Read him the Twilight series.
17. And then mostra the libri to Bellatrix.
18. Give Bellatrix a key to his personal chambers.
19. ‘Imperio’ him to Irish River Dance in the middle of one of his ‘Grand Speeches’.
20. Scream and run out of the room whenever he enters.
21. Put a slideshow together of all the times he was defeated.
22. Duct tape him to a chair and force him to watch.
23. Contact a therapist for him.
24. Get him drunk.
25. Make vague allusions to his mother being half-snake.
26. Be in Gryffindor.
27. Get him a wig.
28. A really HIDEOUS wig.
29. Ask him why he can’t defeat a teenager and an old man.
30. Get him a cell phone and call him whenever the urge strikes you.
31. Make sure to hang up randomly.
32. Constantly ask him about his nose.
33. Was it part of a ritual?
34. Did he blow it up?
35. Kidnap a Horcrux.
36. Make sure the ransom is higher than 450 galleons.
37. Force him to come along on your tuba lessons.
38. Buy him a punching bag to help with his ‘anger problems’.
39. Look like you’re smoking pot. Offer him some.
40. Buy him a pet lion.
41. Insist that he take care of it.
42. Encourage him to ‘fulfill Bellatrix’s desires’.
43. When he refuses, ask if he’s gay.
44. Write a letter of peace that looks like it’s from Dumbledore.
45. Make him watch ‘A Very Potter Musical’.
46. Sigh dramatically at that Voldemort.
47. Repeatedly rewind the Quirrel/Voldemort moment.
48. Quote Dobby.
49. Introduce him to Harry/Voldemort and Dumbledore/Voldemort shipping.
50. Use the spell Levicorpus and leave him hanging there in his own bedroom.
51. Make him watch the Harry Potter movies.
52. Set him up on a blind-date with Lucius.
53. Ask him if he has a crush on Tonks.
54. Ginny?
55. Ron?
56. Steal his wand and lock him in a room with a Twi-hard to see who comes out alive.
57. Introduce him to Sauron.
58. Set a boggart loose in his closet.
59. Say that Quirrel is più attractive than him.
60. When he asks how/why, hold up a picture of ‘A Very Potter Musical’s Quirrel.
62. Ask him to produce a Patronus.
63. Laugh when he can’t.
64. Throw eggs at him whenever te feel like it.
65. Let loose the golden mist as seen in Harry Potter and the Goblet of fuoco in his bedroom.
66. Remark on how ‘Voldemort’ doesn’t sound nearly as frightening as, say, ‘James’ o ‘Laurent’.
67. Ask him what his greatest fear is.
68. The dark?
69. Cats?
70. Demand cookies. This is the Dark Side; we’re supposed to have cookies! Where are the cookies?!
71. Pretend to fall in Amore with Aro/Marcus/Caius/Alec o some other member of the Volturi.
72. Ask him if he wants any drugs. Loudly. In the middle of a meeting.
73. Tie-dye his robes.
74. Burn his wand.
75. Blame Wormtail.
76. Yodel as loud as te can at a meeting. Make sure he’s in the middle of one of his ‘Epic Speeches’.
77. Mock his baldness. A lot.
78. Call him ‘The Dark Bore’, ‘The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live’, ‘Lord Moldywart’, etc.
79. o ‘Tommy-boy’.
80. Begin to mispronounce simple words like ‘killed’ and ‘the’.
81. Call him a meanie potato.
82. Ask him to give te the names of all his Death Eaters. Send the names to Dumbledore.
83. Wonder aloud if he’s really human.
84. Screech at two in the morning.
85. When he asks why, say te got bitten da a gernumblie and felt the urge to talk mermish.
86. Shout "BAAAAALDY! BAAAALDY!" at him in an annoying cockney accent.
87. Draw a scar on his head. When he asks why say "It looks very flattering on you, darling."
88. Write a persuasive essay on why he shouldn't judge all muggles for his terrible childhood.
89. Mock his evil laugh.
90. Ask why he got a nose job.
91. Ask if he knows Edward Cullen.
92. Repeatedly play the song ‘YMCA’ at full blast.
93. Get him to perform karaoke.
94. Ask him what his preferito song is.
95. And look disappointed when he doesn't say that it's 'Slytherin Pride'.
96. Lock him in a room with Luna Lovegood.
97. Pretend to be the ghost of Lily Potter. (Or Severus Snape if you're a guy.)
98. Tell him Cedric Diggory’s still alive.
99. Say “I know what te did last night.” Wink at Bellatrix
100. Replace his wand with string cheese right before the yearly Harry vs. Voldy battle. (thanks, BellaCullen96)
101. Complete this list.
Thanks to Mrs-Grint for help getting to the end!
I don’t even know why anyone would want to own Twilight.
1. When he’s fast asleep, sound a trumpet right successivo to his ear.
2. Sing “The Song That Never Ends.”
3. At five-thirty in the morning, wake him up, ‘Good morning, dear Lord Snake-face!’
4. Constantly compare him to Darth Vader.
5. Let loose 3,846,729,462 mice in his bedchamber.
6. cappotto every corner of his headquarters in butter/cheese.
7. Introduce him to Bella/Voldy pairings.
8. Throw water over him. If my calculations are correct, he’d melt!
9. mostra him Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.
10. Sacrifice Nagini to Isis.
11. Try to get him to ride a broom.
12. Tell him Snape’s true nature.
13. Drive the Knight Bus into Headquarters.
14. On the giorno before the full moon, steal all of the Wolfsbane potion, and then lock him in a room with Fenrir.
15. Answer only in rhyme to him, but act perfectly normal to everyone else.
16. Read him the Twilight series.
17. And then mostra the libri to Bellatrix.
18. Give Bellatrix a key to his personal chambers.
19. ‘Imperio’ him to Irish River Dance in the middle of one of his ‘Grand Speeches’.
20. Scream and run out of the room whenever he enters.
21. Put a slideshow together of all the times he was defeated.
22. Duct tape him to a chair and force him to watch.
23. Contact a therapist for him.
24. Get him drunk.
25. Make vague allusions to his mother being half-snake.
26. Be in Gryffindor.
27. Get him a wig.
28. A really HIDEOUS wig.
29. Ask him why he can’t defeat a teenager and an old man.
30. Get him a cell phone and call him whenever the urge strikes you.
31. Make sure to hang up randomly.
32. Constantly ask him about his nose.
33. Was it part of a ritual?
34. Did he blow it up?
35. Kidnap a Horcrux.
36. Make sure the ransom is higher than 450 galleons.
37. Force him to come along on your tuba lessons.
38. Buy him a punching bag to help with his ‘anger problems’.
39. Look like you’re smoking pot. Offer him some.
40. Buy him a pet lion.
41. Insist that he take care of it.
42. Encourage him to ‘fulfill Bellatrix’s desires’.
43. When he refuses, ask if he’s gay.
44. Write a letter of peace that looks like it’s from Dumbledore.
45. Make him watch ‘A Very Potter Musical’.
46. Sigh dramatically at that Voldemort.
47. Repeatedly rewind the Quirrel/Voldemort moment.
48. Quote Dobby.
49. Introduce him to Harry/Voldemort and Dumbledore/Voldemort shipping.
50. Use the spell Levicorpus and leave him hanging there in his own bedroom.
51. Make him watch the Harry Potter movies.
52. Set him up on a blind-date with Lucius.
53. Ask him if he has a crush on Tonks.
54. Ginny?
55. Ron?
56. Steal his wand and lock him in a room with a Twi-hard to see who comes out alive.
57. Introduce him to Sauron.
58. Set a boggart loose in his closet.
59. Say that Quirrel is più attractive than him.
60. When he asks how/why, hold up a picture of ‘A Very Potter Musical’s Quirrel.
62. Ask him to produce a Patronus.
63. Laugh when he can’t.
64. Throw eggs at him whenever te feel like it.
65. Let loose the golden mist as seen in Harry Potter and the Goblet of fuoco in his bedroom.
66. Remark on how ‘Voldemort’ doesn’t sound nearly as frightening as, say, ‘James’ o ‘Laurent’.
67. Ask him what his greatest fear is.
68. The dark?
69. Cats?
70. Demand cookies. This is the Dark Side; we’re supposed to have cookies! Where are the cookies?!
71. Pretend to fall in Amore with Aro/Marcus/Caius/Alec o some other member of the Volturi.
72. Ask him if he wants any drugs. Loudly. In the middle of a meeting.
73. Tie-dye his robes.
74. Burn his wand.
75. Blame Wormtail.
76. Yodel as loud as te can at a meeting. Make sure he’s in the middle of one of his ‘Epic Speeches’.
77. Mock his baldness. A lot.
78. Call him ‘The Dark Bore’, ‘The-Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live’, ‘Lord Moldywart’, etc.
79. o ‘Tommy-boy’.
80. Begin to mispronounce simple words like ‘killed’ and ‘the’.
81. Call him a meanie potato.
82. Ask him to give te the names of all his Death Eaters. Send the names to Dumbledore.
83. Wonder aloud if he’s really human.
84. Screech at two in the morning.
85. When he asks why, say te got bitten da a gernumblie and felt the urge to talk mermish.
86. Shout "BAAAAALDY! BAAAALDY!" at him in an annoying cockney accent.
87. Draw a scar on his head. When he asks why say "It looks very flattering on you, darling."
88. Write a persuasive essay on why he shouldn't judge all muggles for his terrible childhood.
89. Mock his evil laugh.
90. Ask why he got a nose job.
91. Ask if he knows Edward Cullen.
92. Repeatedly play the song ‘YMCA’ at full blast.
93. Get him to perform karaoke.
94. Ask him what his preferito song is.
95. And look disappointed when he doesn't say that it's 'Slytherin Pride'.
96. Lock him in a room with Luna Lovegood.
97. Pretend to be the ghost of Lily Potter. (Or Severus Snape if you're a guy.)
98. Tell him Cedric Diggory’s still alive.
99. Say “I know what te did last night.” Wink at Bellatrix
100. Replace his wand with string cheese right before the yearly Harry vs. Voldy battle. (thanks, BellaCullen96)
101. Complete this list.
Thanks to Mrs-Grint for help getting to the end!
