A loving parody in which Dr. House is reimagined as a cable guy.
CHARACTERS
HOVEL
A maverick cable guy genius.
WILKINS
Hovel's best friend. He does satellite installations, but Hovel likes to bounce cable ideas off him when he's feeling stuck.
CUTTLEFISH
Hovel's boss. She manages the cable installation office where Hovel works. He mocks her frequently because she hardly knows anything about cable. However, he also flirts with her because she's pretty and wears short skirts.
FOREMAN
Foreman of the regular cable crew. The most competent guy on the team besides Hovel.
FIVE, SIX, ELEVEN
The guys on Foreman's crew. Named after types of cable.
THE BROWNS
Newlyweds. Just got a new HDTV.
SETTING
The Browns' house in Gulf Breeze, Florida.
SCENE
BLACK. Then lights up on the Brown's living room. The Browns sit side da side on the divano watching Five, who stands in front of their flat screen TV, pointing a remote at it, trying to get a signal. The TV stays stubbornly on a blue screen with the words WAITING FOR SIGNAL displayed. Five crawls behind the TV and fiddles with the wires. The screen goes black. He stand back up in front of it and presses a button on the remote. After a moment, the TV goes back to the blue screen. Five looks nervous.
FIVE
I'll try the modem.
(He turns to the computer desk. Mr. Brown stands up.)
MR. BROWN
Look, we appreciate everything you've done, but you've been here for over two hours now. We just want HDTV for our new wide screen, te know? Maybe we'll just call the Dish Network ...
FIVE
Please don't do that!
MR. BROWN
Really, we can see te tried very hard, but to be honest we were leaning toward satellite anyway. The guy we talked to at Mediacom really gave us the hard sell ...
FIVE
Sir, I appreciate your frustration, but I've got to tell you, about 75% of my jobs are customers who used to have satellite and are switching back because they hated it. Plus, my work order shows that te wanted Internet service, too, isn't that right? You're not going to get that from Dish! Why don't te let me call my supervisor, see if we can get a quality assurance guy out here. Give us one più hour. I promise if we don't have te up and running da then I'll get out of your hair.
MR. BROWN
Fine.
FIVE
Excuse me just a moment.
(Five steps outside, takes out his cell phone and dials.)
FIVE
Foreman? We've got a problem. I'm not getting a thing. Yes, I already did that. A brand new drop. He's threatening to call Dish! te need to get out here right away.
(Five returns to the Browns' living room and smiles nervously at them.)
FIVE
He's coming right over.
(The front door bursts open. Hovel enters, followed da Foreman, Six and Eleven.)
MR. BROWN
(Leaps to his feet) Can I help you?
HOVEL
I doubt it.
MR. BROWN
I mean, what are te doing here?
HOVEL
Fixing it so te can get your link. Caveat emptor, though. te may be disappointed. For instance, did te know linkis actually a brunette?
MR. BROWN
What?
HOVEL
I know, right? But I'm telling te ... I was watching Ready, Wet, Go in HD the other day, and all I could see was roots!
MR. BROWN
Who are you?
HOVEL
I'm Hovel. What's going on here, Five? Does this guy want cable o not?
MR. BROWN
Actually I was just telling your employee here that we really wanted satellite.
HOVEL
Great. I know a guy. Eleven, give him Wilkins' number. And let's get out of here. The Saltshaker's having 2-for-1 link. We need to get over there while we can still snag a table!
te can read the rest link.
CHARACTERS
HOVEL
A maverick cable guy genius.
WILKINS
Hovel's best friend. He does satellite installations, but Hovel likes to bounce cable ideas off him when he's feeling stuck.
CUTTLEFISH
Hovel's boss. She manages the cable installation office where Hovel works. He mocks her frequently because she hardly knows anything about cable. However, he also flirts with her because she's pretty and wears short skirts.
FOREMAN
Foreman of the regular cable crew. The most competent guy on the team besides Hovel.
FIVE, SIX, ELEVEN
The guys on Foreman's crew. Named after types of cable.
THE BROWNS
Newlyweds. Just got a new HDTV.
SETTING
The Browns' house in Gulf Breeze, Florida.
SCENE
BLACK. Then lights up on the Brown's living room. The Browns sit side da side on the divano watching Five, who stands in front of their flat screen TV, pointing a remote at it, trying to get a signal. The TV stays stubbornly on a blue screen with the words WAITING FOR SIGNAL displayed. Five crawls behind the TV and fiddles with the wires. The screen goes black. He stand back up in front of it and presses a button on the remote. After a moment, the TV goes back to the blue screen. Five looks nervous.
FIVE
I'll try the modem.
(He turns to the computer desk. Mr. Brown stands up.)
MR. BROWN
Look, we appreciate everything you've done, but you've been here for over two hours now. We just want HDTV for our new wide screen, te know? Maybe we'll just call the Dish Network ...
FIVE
Please don't do that!
MR. BROWN
Really, we can see te tried very hard, but to be honest we were leaning toward satellite anyway. The guy we talked to at Mediacom really gave us the hard sell ...
FIVE
Sir, I appreciate your frustration, but I've got to tell you, about 75% of my jobs are customers who used to have satellite and are switching back because they hated it. Plus, my work order shows that te wanted Internet service, too, isn't that right? You're not going to get that from Dish! Why don't te let me call my supervisor, see if we can get a quality assurance guy out here. Give us one più hour. I promise if we don't have te up and running da then I'll get out of your hair.
MR. BROWN
Fine.
FIVE
Excuse me just a moment.
(Five steps outside, takes out his cell phone and dials.)
FIVE
Foreman? We've got a problem. I'm not getting a thing. Yes, I already did that. A brand new drop. He's threatening to call Dish! te need to get out here right away.
(Five returns to the Browns' living room and smiles nervously at them.)
FIVE
He's coming right over.
(The front door bursts open. Hovel enters, followed da Foreman, Six and Eleven.)
MR. BROWN
(Leaps to his feet) Can I help you?
HOVEL
I doubt it.
MR. BROWN
I mean, what are te doing here?
HOVEL
Fixing it so te can get your link. Caveat emptor, though. te may be disappointed. For instance, did te know linkis actually a brunette?
MR. BROWN
What?
HOVEL
I know, right? But I'm telling te ... I was watching Ready, Wet, Go in HD the other day, and all I could see was roots!
MR. BROWN
Who are you?
HOVEL
I'm Hovel. What's going on here, Five? Does this guy want cable o not?
MR. BROWN
Actually I was just telling your employee here that we really wanted satellite.
HOVEL
Great. I know a guy. Eleven, give him Wilkins' number. And let's get out of here. The Saltshaker's having 2-for-1 link. We need to get over there while we can still snag a table!
te can read the rest link.
