There are always so many things left unsaid and thoughts that are left open for interpretation. Here are some of mine and maybe what Cuddy might have been thinking. It is a sequel from House's Silent Thoughts From "Help Me" I hope te enjoy.
As Dr. Cuddy answered the phone that morning there was a frantic voice on the other end describing a catastrophic event in Trenton. A gru collapsed onto a building and every unit they could get to the site was needed.
"Dr. Cuddy can te dispatch a team of doctors to the site to help?"
"I will get a team together and we will be there shortly."
“She opened up her scrivania, reception drawer and put a ring inside there.” “She held it in her hand and looked at it for a moment.” “Lucas had proposed and she had detto yes.” “It seemed like the successivo logical step.” “Wasn't it?”
I called House’s office and House had not yet arrived. Dr. Foreman answered the phone.
I told him there has been an accident in Trenton. A gru collapsed onto a building. I asked if House was there?
Dr. foreman had not seen him yet. I requested that he meet me in the ER and we would dispatch to the site. I also asked him to keep trying House.
House pushed my door open with his cane.
"Crane collapsed in downtown Trenton and we have to get a team there House" I said.
Don’t care.
"He handed me a book that he had for years and it gave it to me as a house-warming present." My great grandfather wrote it. So he is trying to accept the relationship with Lucas and sposta on I guess.
“Seriously te are giving this book to us", I asked him? Did I say that out loud?
It is the grown-up thing to do he replied.
Why couldn't te have decided to grow up a long time ok?
As we arrive at the site of the accident I look around at all the people and wonder how many lives we will lose. All these people and they are still trying to find 25 that are unaccounted for.
House heard someone beating on a water pipe and was trying to get somebody down here.
As the workers responded they came over to cerca they didn't hear anything.
te heard something. I know that if te think te did te probably did. How many times are te ever wrong?
As I stare at te knowing I have to get back to work I wonder what we would have........ I have spent this entire anno building a life with Lucas and trying to forget you. Trying somehow to sposta on from spending most of my time trying to keep te from killing your patient, killing yourself, keeping lawsuits to a minimum, stopping chairmen of the board from firing te and angry detectives from putting te into jail.
I hear them call me name telling me I was needed. I hear them calling me but I can't get te out of my head.
Where are te House? As I am looking around and then I see te emerge from the hole. te have dust all over you. te found someone. te are so stubborn when te think te are right. And te always think te are right. Please be careful.
As te approach me and keep hinting around about Lucas and me I don't know how to tell you.
Cuddy I am sorry if the present made it wierd for you. Maybe te and Lucas are ..... I stopped you
House I am getting married. That's all.
As I cerca your face I see the shock but te would never let me in. I had to sposta on. I wanted someone that would be a partner. But I haven't moved on.
I see te leaving. te can't leave because Hannah needs you.
House te can’t leave. Hannah is threatening to pull out IV’s and te are the only one she wants.
I have got to get to the hospital because the gru operator needs me too and he moans louder than te Cuddy.
Hannah needs te and te have to stay with her. She won’t let anyone touch her beside you.
As te cut the bike off and head back I am still a little surprised that te are going back in that hole with her.
I heard an awful noise from below where Hannah is located. As I rush over they tell me the building had a secondary collapse. Are te ok? I sent te back in there. If te get hurt it is my fault. Again. Your leg is my fault. I did the surgery knowing te didn't want it. All the pain and your addiction is my fault.
As I see te emerge te are bleeding but te are walking. I release the breath I have been holding.
As I look at the wound I know I shouldn't open my mouth but that has never stopped me before.
te were lucky this wasn’t worse House.
te know the people who were luckier the ones that weren’t here.
I know te hate being here House.
Dr. Cuddy we can’t wait any longer about getting the patient out. We have to cut her leg off.
"There are things we can still do Cuddy." te are not cutting her leg off.
House why are te doing this? Why are te being so stubborn?
Will te excuse us captain, I asked?
”I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me House.
~House: Really? (standing up and towering over her) Wow. So this is all about te now.
~Cuddy: te took her side against me right after te heard about my engagement.
~House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
~Cuddy: I don't Amore you. So just... accept it and sposta on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
~House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-age single mom who's dating a man-child.
~Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around te and make their own lives worse while they try to keep te from collapsing. I'm done. (She walks away from him)
~House: (calling after her) Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
~Cuddy: (turning around and coming back toward him) What are te clinging to, House? You're going to risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do te have in your life honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. ... You've got nothing, House, nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm going to convince her to let me cut her leg off. If te have any decency left, you'll stay out of it.
Hannah te have got to listen to me. This is so hard for me too. I don't want to cut your leg off but there is no other way to get te out of here alive.
No House!! Go back up there. I know te are still angry that I am getting married. I had no choice. After Stacy left te shut yourself off from the world. te shut yourself off from me. I waited so long for te to come around. Why?.........
I have to get my mind on Hannah. I cannot keep thinking o wishing te and I..........
Hannah we have run out of time. te have got to let me…
“No. “
And then I heard te say it.
Hannah we have got to amputate the leg.
"You said"..
I know and we have run out of time Hannah. te ask me what happened to my leg. There was a dangerous surgery and the doctors warned me against it and how dangerous it was.
"But te have your leg."
No Hannah, I have a mutilated thing.
It made me a harder person. A worse person. I am alone and I am in pain every day. te don’t want to be like me Hannah.
What? I am listening to te but am I hearing you? te made a mistake about your leg?
te always felt alone. te pushed everyone away. The harder they tried to help the harder te pushed. te hurt everyone that tries to be close to you. I wanted to be ……… I never wanted to leave te al……………… All the times I wanted te and I needed you. All the times te wanted me. All the words left unsaid.
“I got this Cuddy.”
As I looked in your eyes I saw the hero I always knew te could be. I see a man that had been hurt but in some ways had come to terms with realizing it had been a choice that te made to be alone. te didn't have to be. I can't remember a time that I didn't Amore te o wanted to feel your arms around me o your lips sweeping across mine. Maybe I still do.
Hannah’s screams pierced through any barrier I tried to put around myself. I remember your screams and thinking of all the pain te were in. The rehab and how every giorno te grew più and più angry. I am sorry I was so hard on te earlier. It was cruel and I am not sure if I wanted to hurt te o if I wanted te to take me in your arms and ask me not to do it. “You told me Friends was the last thing te wanted to be, “but can I trust you?”
Why am I still thinking about you, about this?
Oh Hannah. Those screams. Here she comes through the hole. te did it House and she looks ok. There is her husband and he looks thankful that she is alive. te are going to ride with her. As te look at me I see loss in your eyes and pain. te look so tired and so broken. It had been a long night. I had felt so much anger, frustration and pain, but why do I feel all this? I am moving on with my life. I am getting married. Lucas is the best choice. He will be there every giorno and he loves Rachel. te could never be that guy.
(One ora Later)
I need to call the hospital to see if they checked your shoulder. Foreman this is Dr. Cuddy I am finishing up here and I was wondering did te get the wound on Dr. House cleaned up?
“No Hannah died and House wouldn't stop. I have never seen like him that. I tried to talk to him but I couldn’t get through. He was…..
"Defeated” We both detto the word at the same time. I hung the phone up and knew I needed to get to you. Are te ok? I can’t imagine what it was like for te to watch Hannah take her last breath. te had spent a lifetime keeping everyone at arm’s length distance and now that te were trying to let people in they were all leaving you. I had spent almost a anno keeping my cuore locked away from you. House hold on. Just hold on.
As I arrived home I dreaded the successivo thing I had to do but I knew I had to. I had called ahead to marina to see if she could stay with Rachel and to find out if Lucas was there. He was.
Lisa I was worried about you. I saw the news reports. What’s wrong?
“Lucas” I can’t do this. I am so sorry but I can’t go any further without seeing what is between me and House. I have been so afraid to trust him and so angry at him for hurting me so much and I tried to sposta on but looking into his eyes tonight and seeing him broken I could hardly bare it. I am so sorry for hurting you. He looked so defeated and when I called they told me his patient didn’t make it. I have spent a anno pushing him away and trying to build a life outside of him. But I can’t leave him alone tonight. I have to go to him.
“He will hurt te again Lisa.”
“Maybe he will.”
House is not capable of love. When he got drunk that night and told me he loved te I knew he couldn’t be the man te needed. He had plenty of opportunities and now it was my turn.
“What”, when did he tell te that?
Thanksgiving night. He was drunk and waiting at my place for me.
I have to go Lucas. I have to go to him. I am so sorry.
Lisa!!!
I am sorry Lucas. I could say so many things but it won’t change anything. I can't get him out of my head o my heart.
As I crank the car there’s that song again:
“Tears come streaming down your face when te lose something that te can’t replace. When te Amore someone and it goes to waste. Could it be worse? Lights will guide te home. And ignite your Bones and I will try to fix you. When te are too in Amore to let it go. If te never try te will never know. Just what you’re worth. Lights will guide te home. I will try to fix you.”
I pull beside your bike and as I walk in the door I wonder why te have left it open. I am shaking inside because I wonder how te are going to respond. Will te retreat as te have always done when we get close? It doesn’t matter because I have to know once and for all if this can work. As I approach I see te on the floor. What is in your hand? Pill bottles. House don’t do that.
H – Are te going to leap across the room and take them out of my hand?
I wanted to take them from you. But I am not here as your savior tonight I am here because I Amore you. I want you, no I need te to rescue me tonight.
C – It’s your choice if te want take drugs.
H – Did Foreman send you?
C – No
H – Are te here to yell at me again?
C – No
H – I am running out of ideas.
C – Lucas
H – te are here to tell me that te are already pregnant o te had a quickie wedding in Vegas.
C – I ended it.
H – What?
C – I am stuck House. I tried to sposta on. I’m in my new house with my new fiancée and all I can think about is you.
H – Do te think I can fix myself?
C – I don’t know.
H – Cause I am the most screwed up person in the world.
C – I know. I Amore you. I wish I didn’t but I can’t help it.
It gets stuck in my throat as I say it to you. I have felt it most of the last 20 years. I have felt other things too.
te extend your hand out to me and I am scared but I hold mine out to te and help te up. te come closer and tower of me I can hardly get a breath. I anticipate your touch and as your lips brush across mine I could melt right into you. Just the touch of your hand is almost più than I can handle. My cuore feels like it will beat out of my chesst. I have longed for te to touch me, hold me, and make Amore to to me.
This Amore was over 20 years in the making and now there is a feeling that neither one of us could sum up in words.
As I slowly led te into the bedroom I wanted te to hold me and let me in your heart. Let me into that secret place that no person had ever been.
I have got to check your shoulder.
Let me see the cut. It looks bad and it looks like it is going to get infected. I need to clean it. As I get the bucket of water and washcloth ready to clean te up a little te look as if te can’t believe we are here. As I help te get undressed te are looking at me as if te were seeing me for the first time and te seem hesitant when I undo your pants. te look at me like te wondering still if I am really here.
I am real. I am here. My desire to be with te becoming stronger every secondo that I am near te and overcoming any fear that I may have.
I have dreamed of your lips and your hands all over every part of me. I’ve wanted te for so long and we are here at that moment. As we stand with our fingers interlocked the feeling is almost overwhelming. I want te so much. As te baciare my lips they part and te brush your lips across mine over and over all my senses are awakened. When te look into my eyes the need for te inside me is becoming stronger.
As I reach the button onyour pants te still feel hesitation but my need for te is too great to back up now. te sheepishly look down at me as I reach the scar but the silence that has been between us can no longer stand in the way of what we have wanted for years. I Amore every part of you. I want every part of you. As te look down into my eyes I watched the power of my words remove the fear that had been in yours. All that I could see now was your desire for me and I could feel passion raging in my soul. We forgive each other.
As I put my hand in yours te lift me to my feet.
"Undress me".
te drop your hands to both sides of my waist as te begin to raise the hem of my shirt. Those soft lips brushing mine and as te deepen the baciare I feel te open youself to me. te pull me to te and gather me in your arms and the feel of your skin against mine feels so good. As I avvolgere my arms around te I just want to give myself to you. My body interwined with yours and the feel of te inside me; our restless hearts have finally found a home.
As Dr. Cuddy answered the phone that morning there was a frantic voice on the other end describing a catastrophic event in Trenton. A gru collapsed onto a building and every unit they could get to the site was needed.
"Dr. Cuddy can te dispatch a team of doctors to the site to help?"
"I will get a team together and we will be there shortly."
“She opened up her scrivania, reception drawer and put a ring inside there.” “She held it in her hand and looked at it for a moment.” “Lucas had proposed and she had detto yes.” “It seemed like the successivo logical step.” “Wasn't it?”
I called House’s office and House had not yet arrived. Dr. Foreman answered the phone.
I told him there has been an accident in Trenton. A gru collapsed onto a building. I asked if House was there?
Dr. foreman had not seen him yet. I requested that he meet me in the ER and we would dispatch to the site. I also asked him to keep trying House.
House pushed my door open with his cane.
"Crane collapsed in downtown Trenton and we have to get a team there House" I said.
Don’t care.
"He handed me a book that he had for years and it gave it to me as a house-warming present." My great grandfather wrote it. So he is trying to accept the relationship with Lucas and sposta on I guess.
“Seriously te are giving this book to us", I asked him? Did I say that out loud?
It is the grown-up thing to do he replied.
Why couldn't te have decided to grow up a long time ok?
As we arrive at the site of the accident I look around at all the people and wonder how many lives we will lose. All these people and they are still trying to find 25 that are unaccounted for.
House heard someone beating on a water pipe and was trying to get somebody down here.
As the workers responded they came over to cerca they didn't hear anything.
te heard something. I know that if te think te did te probably did. How many times are te ever wrong?
As I stare at te knowing I have to get back to work I wonder what we would have........ I have spent this entire anno building a life with Lucas and trying to forget you. Trying somehow to sposta on from spending most of my time trying to keep te from killing your patient, killing yourself, keeping lawsuits to a minimum, stopping chairmen of the board from firing te and angry detectives from putting te into jail.
I hear them call me name telling me I was needed. I hear them calling me but I can't get te out of my head.
Where are te House? As I am looking around and then I see te emerge from the hole. te have dust all over you. te found someone. te are so stubborn when te think te are right. And te always think te are right. Please be careful.
As te approach me and keep hinting around about Lucas and me I don't know how to tell you.
Cuddy I am sorry if the present made it wierd for you. Maybe te and Lucas are ..... I stopped you
House I am getting married. That's all.
As I cerca your face I see the shock but te would never let me in. I had to sposta on. I wanted someone that would be a partner. But I haven't moved on.
I see te leaving. te can't leave because Hannah needs you.
House te can’t leave. Hannah is threatening to pull out IV’s and te are the only one she wants.
I have got to get to the hospital because the gru operator needs me too and he moans louder than te Cuddy.
Hannah needs te and te have to stay with her. She won’t let anyone touch her beside you.
As te cut the bike off and head back I am still a little surprised that te are going back in that hole with her.
I heard an awful noise from below where Hannah is located. As I rush over they tell me the building had a secondary collapse. Are te ok? I sent te back in there. If te get hurt it is my fault. Again. Your leg is my fault. I did the surgery knowing te didn't want it. All the pain and your addiction is my fault.
As I see te emerge te are bleeding but te are walking. I release the breath I have been holding.
As I look at the wound I know I shouldn't open my mouth but that has never stopped me before.
te were lucky this wasn’t worse House.
te know the people who were luckier the ones that weren’t here.
I know te hate being here House.
Dr. Cuddy we can’t wait any longer about getting the patient out. We have to cut her leg off.
"There are things we can still do Cuddy." te are not cutting her leg off.
House why are te doing this? Why are te being so stubborn?
Will te excuse us captain, I asked?
”I know you're angry, but please don't put her life at risk just to get back at me House.
~House: Really? (standing up and towering over her) Wow. So this is all about te now.
~Cuddy: te took her side against me right after te heard about my engagement.
~House: Yeah. That must be it. It's not that you're a pathetic narcissist.
~Cuddy: I don't Amore you. So just... accept it and sposta on with your life instead of making everyone miserable.
~House: That's great. A life lesson from a middle-age single mom who's dating a man-child.
~Cuddy: Screw you. I'm sick of making excuses for you. I'm sick of other people having to tiptoe around te and make their own lives worse while they try to keep te from collapsing. I'm done. (She walks away from him)
~House: (calling after her) Fantastic. Just stay away from my patient.
~Cuddy: (turning around and coming back toward him) What are te clinging to, House? You're going to risk her life just to save her leg? Really worked out well for you, didn't it? What do te have in your life honestly? Tell me. I'm moving on. Wilson is moving on. ... You've got nothing, House, nothing. I'm going down there, and I'm going to convince her to let me cut her leg off. If te have any decency left, you'll stay out of it.
Hannah te have got to listen to me. This is so hard for me too. I don't want to cut your leg off but there is no other way to get te out of here alive.
No House!! Go back up there. I know te are still angry that I am getting married. I had no choice. After Stacy left te shut yourself off from the world. te shut yourself off from me. I waited so long for te to come around. Why?.........
I have to get my mind on Hannah. I cannot keep thinking o wishing te and I..........
Hannah we have run out of time. te have got to let me…
“No. “
And then I heard te say it.
Hannah we have got to amputate the leg.
"You said"..
I know and we have run out of time Hannah. te ask me what happened to my leg. There was a dangerous surgery and the doctors warned me against it and how dangerous it was.
"But te have your leg."
No Hannah, I have a mutilated thing.
It made me a harder person. A worse person. I am alone and I am in pain every day. te don’t want to be like me Hannah.
What? I am listening to te but am I hearing you? te made a mistake about your leg?
te always felt alone. te pushed everyone away. The harder they tried to help the harder te pushed. te hurt everyone that tries to be close to you. I wanted to be ……… I never wanted to leave te al……………… All the times I wanted te and I needed you. All the times te wanted me. All the words left unsaid.
“I got this Cuddy.”
As I looked in your eyes I saw the hero I always knew te could be. I see a man that had been hurt but in some ways had come to terms with realizing it had been a choice that te made to be alone. te didn't have to be. I can't remember a time that I didn't Amore te o wanted to feel your arms around me o your lips sweeping across mine. Maybe I still do.
Hannah’s screams pierced through any barrier I tried to put around myself. I remember your screams and thinking of all the pain te were in. The rehab and how every giorno te grew più and più angry. I am sorry I was so hard on te earlier. It was cruel and I am not sure if I wanted to hurt te o if I wanted te to take me in your arms and ask me not to do it. “You told me Friends was the last thing te wanted to be, “but can I trust you?”
Why am I still thinking about you, about this?
Oh Hannah. Those screams. Here she comes through the hole. te did it House and she looks ok. There is her husband and he looks thankful that she is alive. te are going to ride with her. As te look at me I see loss in your eyes and pain. te look so tired and so broken. It had been a long night. I had felt so much anger, frustration and pain, but why do I feel all this? I am moving on with my life. I am getting married. Lucas is the best choice. He will be there every giorno and he loves Rachel. te could never be that guy.
(One ora Later)
I need to call the hospital to see if they checked your shoulder. Foreman this is Dr. Cuddy I am finishing up here and I was wondering did te get the wound on Dr. House cleaned up?
“No Hannah died and House wouldn't stop. I have never seen like him that. I tried to talk to him but I couldn’t get through. He was…..
"Defeated” We both detto the word at the same time. I hung the phone up and knew I needed to get to you. Are te ok? I can’t imagine what it was like for te to watch Hannah take her last breath. te had spent a lifetime keeping everyone at arm’s length distance and now that te were trying to let people in they were all leaving you. I had spent almost a anno keeping my cuore locked away from you. House hold on. Just hold on.
As I arrived home I dreaded the successivo thing I had to do but I knew I had to. I had called ahead to marina to see if she could stay with Rachel and to find out if Lucas was there. He was.
Lisa I was worried about you. I saw the news reports. What’s wrong?
“Lucas” I can’t do this. I am so sorry but I can’t go any further without seeing what is between me and House. I have been so afraid to trust him and so angry at him for hurting me so much and I tried to sposta on but looking into his eyes tonight and seeing him broken I could hardly bare it. I am so sorry for hurting you. He looked so defeated and when I called they told me his patient didn’t make it. I have spent a anno pushing him away and trying to build a life outside of him. But I can’t leave him alone tonight. I have to go to him.
“He will hurt te again Lisa.”
“Maybe he will.”
House is not capable of love. When he got drunk that night and told me he loved te I knew he couldn’t be the man te needed. He had plenty of opportunities and now it was my turn.
“What”, when did he tell te that?
Thanksgiving night. He was drunk and waiting at my place for me.
I have to go Lucas. I have to go to him. I am so sorry.
Lisa!!!
I am sorry Lucas. I could say so many things but it won’t change anything. I can't get him out of my head o my heart.
As I crank the car there’s that song again:
“Tears come streaming down your face when te lose something that te can’t replace. When te Amore someone and it goes to waste. Could it be worse? Lights will guide te home. And ignite your Bones and I will try to fix you. When te are too in Amore to let it go. If te never try te will never know. Just what you’re worth. Lights will guide te home. I will try to fix you.”
I pull beside your bike and as I walk in the door I wonder why te have left it open. I am shaking inside because I wonder how te are going to respond. Will te retreat as te have always done when we get close? It doesn’t matter because I have to know once and for all if this can work. As I approach I see te on the floor. What is in your hand? Pill bottles. House don’t do that.
H – Are te going to leap across the room and take them out of my hand?
I wanted to take them from you. But I am not here as your savior tonight I am here because I Amore you. I want you, no I need te to rescue me tonight.
C – It’s your choice if te want take drugs.
H – Did Foreman send you?
C – No
H – Are te here to yell at me again?
C – No
H – I am running out of ideas.
C – Lucas
H – te are here to tell me that te are already pregnant o te had a quickie wedding in Vegas.
C – I ended it.
H – What?
C – I am stuck House. I tried to sposta on. I’m in my new house with my new fiancée and all I can think about is you.
H – Do te think I can fix myself?
C – I don’t know.
H – Cause I am the most screwed up person in the world.
C – I know. I Amore you. I wish I didn’t but I can’t help it.
It gets stuck in my throat as I say it to you. I have felt it most of the last 20 years. I have felt other things too.
te extend your hand out to me and I am scared but I hold mine out to te and help te up. te come closer and tower of me I can hardly get a breath. I anticipate your touch and as your lips brush across mine I could melt right into you. Just the touch of your hand is almost più than I can handle. My cuore feels like it will beat out of my chesst. I have longed for te to touch me, hold me, and make Amore to to me.
This Amore was over 20 years in the making and now there is a feeling that neither one of us could sum up in words.
As I slowly led te into the bedroom I wanted te to hold me and let me in your heart. Let me into that secret place that no person had ever been.
I have got to check your shoulder.
Let me see the cut. It looks bad and it looks like it is going to get infected. I need to clean it. As I get the bucket of water and washcloth ready to clean te up a little te look as if te can’t believe we are here. As I help te get undressed te are looking at me as if te were seeing me for the first time and te seem hesitant when I undo your pants. te look at me like te wondering still if I am really here.
I am real. I am here. My desire to be with te becoming stronger every secondo that I am near te and overcoming any fear that I may have.
I have dreamed of your lips and your hands all over every part of me. I’ve wanted te for so long and we are here at that moment. As we stand with our fingers interlocked the feeling is almost overwhelming. I want te so much. As te baciare my lips they part and te brush your lips across mine over and over all my senses are awakened. When te look into my eyes the need for te inside me is becoming stronger.
As I reach the button onyour pants te still feel hesitation but my need for te is too great to back up now. te sheepishly look down at me as I reach the scar but the silence that has been between us can no longer stand in the way of what we have wanted for years. I Amore every part of you. I want every part of you. As te look down into my eyes I watched the power of my words remove the fear that had been in yours. All that I could see now was your desire for me and I could feel passion raging in my soul. We forgive each other.
As I put my hand in yours te lift me to my feet.
"Undress me".
te drop your hands to both sides of my waist as te begin to raise the hem of my shirt. Those soft lips brushing mine and as te deepen the baciare I feel te open youself to me. te pull me to te and gather me in your arms and the feel of your skin against mine feels so good. As I avvolgere my arms around te I just want to give myself to you. My body interwined with yours and the feel of te inside me; our restless hearts have finally found a home.