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Source: Lots Of Jokes
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LMFAO, this video made my year. XD
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Orlando Bloom
eric bana is better =p
he was in troy
te should all watch that movie <33
eat shitttt xd
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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
The following lista of phrases and their definitions might help te understand the fuzzy language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone Leggere a PhD dissertation o academic paper.

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"...
I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"...
These data are practically meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS
TO THE QUESTIONS"...
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"...
The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL...
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added by mtoll4
Source: pingu
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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
Your mom's so fat she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Your mom's so fat, when she dances the band skips.

Your mom's so fat, I have to take a bus a train and a cab just to get on her good side.

Your mother's so fat, her clothes have stretch marks.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a watch on both arms because she covers two time zones.

Your mother's so fat, te could slap her butt and ride the waves.

Your mother's so fat, she needs a hula hoop to keep her socks up.

Your mother's so fat, when she goes to a restaurant she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Your mother's so fat, when they used her...
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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
Some great ways to annoy people at work...

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)

3. Insist that your e-mail address be xena-goddess-of-fire@companyname.com o elvis-the-king@companyname.com.

4. Every time someone asks te to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to unisciti te in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your scrivania, reception and label it 'IN.'

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee...
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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
20 ways to say that someone's "fly is open"....

20. The cucumber has left the salad.

19. I can see the gun of Navarone.

18. Someone tore down the wall, and your rosa Floyd is hanging out.

17. You've got Windows in your laptop.

16. Sailor Ned's trying to take a little puntellare, riva leave.

15. Your soldier ain't so unknown now.

14. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bell.

13. Paging Mr. Johnson... Paging Mr. Johnson...

12. te need to bring your tray tavolo to the upright and locked position.

11. Your pod baia door is open, Hal.

10. Elvis Junior has LEFT the building!

9. Mini Me is...
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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
It seems that life goes da resembling somewhat of a campana, bell curve of what is considered successful...

At age 4...success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 10...success is...making your own meals.

At age 12...success is...having friends.

At age 16...success is...having a drivers license.

At age 20...success is...having sex.

At age 35...success is...having money.

At age 50...success is...having money.

At age 60...success is...having sex.

At age 70...success is...having a drivers license.

At age 75...success is...having friends.

At age 80...success is...making your own meals.

At age 85...success is...not peeing in your pants.
posted by Bdavisbrookeme
Some self-evident truths about pets...

Buy a dog a toy and it will play with it forever. Buy a cat a present and it will play with the wrapper for 10 minutes.

Although Gatti are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia.

Dogs and Gatti instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minuti sooner.

Dog's have owners. Cat's have staff.

Dogs shed, Gatti shred.

I wonder if other Cani think poodles are members of a weird religious cult?

No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation...
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posted by Bdavisbrookeme
Good girls say "thanks for a wonderful dinner"...
Bad girls say, "what's for breakfast?"

Good girls never go after another girl's man...
Bad girls go after him AND his brother.

Good girls wear white cotton panties...
Bad girls don't wear any.

Good girls wax their floors...
Bad girls wax their bikini lines.

Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot...
Bad girls make it hot da loosening a few buttons.

Good girls make chicken for dinner...
Bad girls make reservations.

Good girls blush during bedrooms scenes in movies...
Bad girls know they could do better.

Good girls never consider sleeping with the boss...
Bad girls never do either, unless he's very, very rich.

Good girls believe you're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls...
Bad girls believe that te are fully dressed with JUST a strand of pearls.

Good girls Amore Italian food...
Bad girls Amore Italian waiters.
posted by Bdavisbrookeme
The following are the superiore, in alto four winners from a "Most Embarrassing Moments" contest:

1. "While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other adults. I told her that if she did not start behaving 'right now,'
she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and detto in a voice just as threatening, 'If te don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw te baciare Daddy's pee-pee last night!' The silence was deafening after this...
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added by mtoll4
Source: foto from you, stolen da me!
Because we all Amore pizza so what`s più fun than being annoying while ordering it?


29 Annoying Ways to Order a Pizza

1. Start the conversation with "My call to (Pizza Place), take one... and... ACTION!"

2. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Tell the person taking the order, "would te please stop doing that...?"

3. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

4. Do not name your toppings; rather, spell them out.

5. Ask what the order taker is wearing.

6. Order 52 pepperoni slices arranged in a fractal pattern following from an equation te are...
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added by Bdavisbrookeme
Source: Lots Of Jokes