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Joke contest.

Now the rules are simple, te can post pictures and vicdeos, but te MUST have a joke. I'll rate it from 1-10. a 5+ and te get props, a total 10-10 and te get one omaggio in each catacgory (images, comments, etc.)

te can post any joke. The immagini and video will be included, if I have yet to rate yours after tomorrow, shoot me a mail and i'll see to it that it gets rated and what not.

Main thing is just to have fun :)
(everyone gets a omaggio for participation in this :) )

here is my own joke:
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" detto the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he detto he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he detto everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job o not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," detto the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get
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Sorry, it got cut off, the last one was suppose to say " You're a lawyer. This time Iknow I'm gonna get screwed!"
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
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I'll NEVER beat that one!!! BTW, I'm a psychologist and my girlfriend will tell I do WAY più than just 'talk about it'!
truespock posted più di un anno fa
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hello
lano500 posted più di un anno fa
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haha
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
 PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
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random Risposte

Kanji said:
One night a beautiful female vampire rushed into a crypt, her lovely face all covered in blood and flung herself into her coffin and slammed down the lid with a snarl of rage. Pretty soon all the other Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. fondere, c'era un odore the blood and began hassling her about where she'd got it. She told them to piss off and let her get some sleep, but they persisted until she finally gave in. "OK, follow me, she said, and spreading out her cloak, flew out of the crypt with dozen other Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. behind her.

Down through a valley they swept, across a river and into a huge city. Finally she slowed down and the other Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. milled excitedly around her, their tongues hanging out for blood.

"Do te see that massive, great lamppost over there? " she asked.

"YES, YES,YES!!!!" the bloodsuckers all screamed in a feeding frenzy.

"Good!" detto the first vampire, "Because I fucking didn't!

 select as best answer
One night a beautiful female vampire rushed into a crypt, her lovely face all covered in blood and flung herself into her coffin and slammed down the lid with a snarl of rage. Pretty soon all the other Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. fondere, c'era un odore the blood and began hassling her about where she'd got it. She told them to piss off and let her get some sleep, but they persisted until she finally gave in. "OK, follow me, she said, and spreading out her cloak, flew out of the crypt with dozen other Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. behind her. Down through a valley they swept, across a river and into a huge city. Finally she slowed down and the other Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. milled excitedly around her, their tongues hanging out for blood. "Do te see that massive, great lamppost over there? " she asked. "YES, YES,YES!!!!" the bloodsuckers all screamed in a feeding frenzy. "Good!" detto the first vampire, "Because I fucking didn't!
posted più di un anno fa 
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5/10, not to bad,prettyy frun really :P
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
energizerbunny said:
Here's mine

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sherry.

2nd woman: Hi! I’m Sylvia. How’d te die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, & finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive cuore attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all da himself in the tana, den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic & searched, then down into the basement. Then, I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally, I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a cuore attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad te didn’t look in the freezer — We’d both still be alive!

 select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
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oh snap! lol
Twilight_Dream posted più di un anno fa
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HAHA!!!!!!! XD 9/10!! Amore it :D
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
Hiding 2 comments... click to show.
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LOL! xDDDDDDDDD!!!
snapeislove posted più di un anno fa
Twilight_Dream said:
A French doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.’ A German doctor says ‘That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks. The Russian doctor says ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a cuore out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.’ An American doctor, not to be outdone, says ‘You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.’
 select as best answer
A French doctor says ‘Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him looking for work in six weeks.’ A German doctor says ‘That is nothing; we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks. The Russian doctor says ‘In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a cuore out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks.’ An American doctor, not to be outdone, says ‘You guys are way behind. We recently took a man with no brains out of Illinois , put him in the White House, and now half the country is looking for work.’
posted più di un anno fa 
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HAHA!!! NICEE!!!! 9/10!! I Amore it XD
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
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*best answer*
Snugglebum posted più di un anno fa
Blueeyes99 said:
Hopefully I can tell this joke correctly:

A man, as drunk as a skunk, falls asleep on a beach. He awakens in the morning to see all these people being dunked into the water. He walks over and a man says to him “have te found Jesus” the guy, still drunk, says “no” the other guys says, “would te like too?” the drunk guy says “sure”

The guy takes the drunk guy over to the water and dunks him under, “have te found Jesus?” he asks, the drunk guy says “no” he dunks him under again, “have te found Jesus?” the drunk guy says “no”. This time he holds him under a little longer, then brings him back up and says “have te found Jesus?” the drunk guy, “No, are te sure this is where he fell in”

 select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
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:/
Twilight_Dream posted più di un anno fa
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uhm, I think ill give it a.... Probably a 3. I didn't reallt get it, but I Amore how drunk people always try to find Jesus...
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
lano500 said:
Why did the chicken attraversare, croce the road?
To get to the other side!
Why did the children attraversare, croce the playground?
To get to the other slide!
 select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
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4/10, SOmewhat funny :P XD
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
Snugglebum said:
Rules Of Washington

If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for.

Don't lie, cheat o steal...unnecessarily.

There is always one più son of a cagna than te counted on.

An honest answer can get te into a lot of trouble.

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

Chicken little only has to be right once.

"NO" is only an interim response.

te can't kill a bad idea.

If at first te don't succeed, destroy all evidence that te ever tried.

The truth is a variable.

A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent.

te can agree with any concept o notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way.

A promise is not a guarantee.

If te can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.

 select as best answer
Rules Of Washington If it's worth fighting for, it's worth fighting dirty for. Don't lie, cheat o steal...unnecessarily. There is always one più son of a cagna than te counted on. An honest answer can get te into a lot of trouble. The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. Chicken little only has to be right once. "NO" is only an interim response. te can't kill a bad idea. If at first te don't succeed, destroy all evidence that te ever tried. The truth is a variable. A porcupine with his quills down in just another fat rodent. te can agree with any concept o notional future option, in principle, but fight implementation every step of the way. A promise is not a guarantee. If te can't counter the argument, leave the meeting.
posted più di un anno fa 
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hahahahh!!!!!! Nice, i like the "Don't lie, cheat o steal...unnecessarily." one XD
PreBanned posted più di un anno fa
JJHitoya said:
Theres one Motavational poster that said
"Have te ever spyed on a girl that was acuelly a boy? Isnt that right haku!"
Because Haku is a dude that looks alot like a girl so... people mistake him as a girl... lol i guess...
 select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
Book_freak said:
A new guy walks into town and sees a sign in the window of the pub 'FREE BEER! FREE birra TO ANYONE WHO CAN PASS THE TEST!' So the guy enters the bar and asks what the test is.
The Bartender replies, "Well, first te have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once and te can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a 'gator out the back with a sore tooth... te have to remove it with your bare hands. Third there's a woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm, you've gotta make things right for her.
The guy says, "Well, much as I would Amore free beer, I won't do it. te have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper tequila and it just gets crazier from there."
But as time goes on and the guy drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"
He gras the gallon with both hands and downs it in one big slirp with tears running down his face. successivo he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear the most frightening roaring and thumping, then silence. The man staggers back into the bar, his camicia ripped and big bloody scratches all over his body.
"Now," he said, "Where's that woman with the sore tooth?"

And another favorite;

The kindergarden class had a homework assignment to find something exciting and relate it to the class the successivo day. The teacher was reluctant to call upon little Wally, as sometimes he could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came.
Little Wally walked up to the black board and made a small white dot on the board with the chalk, then sat back down. The teacher couldn't figure out what Wally had in mind for his report, so she asked him what it was.
"It's a period" detto Wally.
"Well I can see that," detto the teacher, "But what's so exciting about a period?"
"Damned if I know," replied Wally, "But this morning my sister detto she missed one. Then Daddy had a cuore attack, Mummy fainted and the man successivo door shot himself."
 select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
Free_Spirit said:
1# A blonde is driving on the highway, and a guy driving behind he gets angry when she keeps cutting him off. Angry, he pulls infront of her forcing her to stop, and grabs her out of the vehicle. He draws a cerchio and tells her to stay in it. He turns around and starts smashing her windows. Suddenly he hears giggling and turns around to look at the blonde. Enraged he turns around and rips the sede, sedile covers with a kniife, when he hears the blonde giggling again. He turns around and screams, Why are te laughing?
Laughing she says, everytime te turned around, i stood outside the circle! LOL

2)A blonde has recently died her hair red and decides to drive through the country. She passes a farm and see's a farmer with all of his sheep. She pulls over and ask's the farmer, if she can guess how many pecora, pecore he has can she take on.
The farmer, being a gambler agree. She decided on the number 112. Amazeed the farmer tells her she is right. Happy the blonde picks one up and puts it in her car.
The farmer walks over to her window and says if i can guess your real hair colour can i have my dog back?
 select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
BeB said:
Too Much Of This In My Country!

There are 4 guys on a boat. One white, one mexican, one asian, and one indian. Their barca started sinking from too much cargo. So they decided to threw out the things that they didn't need. The indian man thew out some curry and detto "I have too much of this in my country."

The asian man threw out some riso and detto "I have too much of this in my country." The mexican man threw out some beans and detto "I have too much of this in my country." Then the white guy took the mexican and threw him off the barca and detto "I have too much of this in my country."

Theeee END! (No offense to mexicans!!!)
 select as best answer
Too Much Of This In My Country! There are 4 guys on a boat. One white, one mexican, one asian, and one indian. Their barca started sinking from too much cargo. So they decided to threw out the things that they didn't need. The indian man thew out some curry and detto "I have too much of this in my country." The asian man threw out some riso and detto "I have too much of this in my country." The mexican man threw out some beans and detto "I have too much of this in my country." Then the white guy took the mexican and threw him off the barca and detto "I have too much of this in my country." Theeee END! (No offense to mexicans!!!)
posted più di un anno fa 
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The comic has absoutly NOTHING to do with my joke I jsut found it and liked it and decided to share it with te awesome weirdos! XD
BeB posted più di un anno fa
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