Could Anyone Help Me With Constructive Critism???

Okay, so I wrote this story, and I need te guys and gals to help me! Helpful words only, and that would be awesome! Please, don't be mean o rude, o say anything like that. I'm a budding writer. Kay? Here's the link: link
 FashionBug12 posted più di un anno fa
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Zero_Delta said:
Sorta read it. Not bad, just remember to check your spelling, grammar, ect.
Also, indenting will help seperate paragraphs.
select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
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Try mine: [url=yoururl]link
Zero_Delta posted più di un anno fa
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