Could Anyone Help Me With Constructive Critism???

Okay, so I wrote this story, and I need te guys and gals to help me! Helpful words only, and that would be awesome! Please, don't be mean o rude, o say anything like that. I'm a budding writer. Kay? Here's the link: link
 FashionBug12 posted più di un anno fa
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Zero_Delta said:
Sorta read it. Not bad, just remember to check your spelling, grammar, ect.
Also, indenting will help seperate paragraphs.
select as best answer
posted più di un anno fa 
Try mine: [url=yoururl]link
Zero_Delta posted più di un anno fa
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