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posted by Sheetal1256
5
Here are some funny New Year's resolutions for 2012...
I will think of a password other than "password" o "hello".

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

I won't worry so much.

I will cut my hair.

I will grow my hair.

I will stop considering other people's feelings when they so obviously don't consider mine - if that unwashed fellow sits successivo to me again, I'll tell him he stinks!

I will be più imaginative.

I will not bore my boss da with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some più excuses.

I will do less laundry and use più deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve più water.

Assure my lawyer that I will never again mostra up drunk at a custody hearing.

I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....

I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.

I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).

I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will spend less than one ora a giorno on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

I will not hang around girls - they think te Amore them and that sucks.

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

I resolve to work with neglected children. (my own).

I will answer my lumaca mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

I will balance my checkbook. (on my nose).

I will find out why the correspondence course on "Mail Fraud" that I purchased never showed up.

Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.

Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.

Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.

Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will keep an extra sicuro, cassetta di sicurezza distance when driving behind police cars.
Really Funny New anno Resolutions for 2010
I will be più imaginative.

I will not wet the letto and blame it on my younger brother.

I promise to clean my room once a week even though I haven't cleaned it più than once in the last year.

I will always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper" before and after leaving a public restroom.

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will always wear clean underwear, "just in case".

I will keep an extra sicuro, cassetta di sicurezza distance when driving behind police cars.

Never again will I try to diffuse an explosive device with a known practical joker.

Read less books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.

Gain weight, at least 40 pounds. Didn't your mom always say te were bit skinny.

Cut down on exercise. Too much is bad for your health, it can even kill you.

Watch più TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs te missed down the years.

Draw up a lista of people who were nasty to te in the past year, get your own back on them in the successivo year!

Drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, birra is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. So be happy.

Eat più nice things like candy, Big Macs, popcorn and ice cream. Eat less crap like fresh fruit, vegetables and soy nuts.

Work less. Take it easy. All work and no play can make te a dull boy o girl.

Play più computer games. Scientists say they're good for te and improve your visual skills. But te always knew that.

Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.

I will drink less beer, last anno I drank enough birra to have kept the Titanic afloat.

I will spend less money on buying useless stuff like this new DVD Rewinder I had ordered for christmas.

I will drive più carefully, people are starting to notice the dozens of dents in my car.

I will treat my girlfriend better, I won't make her carry all the groceries the successivo time we go to the market.

I promise to be nice to my dog. I won't starve him to death più than 10 times.... in a month.

I will no longer interfere in a game.

I will not hang around girls - they think te Amore them and that sucks.
più Funny New Year's Resolutions for 2011
I will leave my brain at home while going to watch a supposedly scary Film like Scary Movie 1, 2, 3 & 4!

I will never again take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I will never again eat a jack frutta before going to a public function.

I resolve to hold my breath and pull in my paunch when I attraversare, croce my young secretary.

I will stop saying," Ooh, that feels nice" whenever the security guys frisk me at airports.

I resolve not to see any serial o movie in which any dead character is brought alive.

I resolve not to call any phone number of any TV contest as they are always kept off the hook.

I resolve not to swim in any swimming pool without water.

I resolve to stop poisoning my family with my cooking.

My New anno resolution is: 1024 da 968 pixels!

Learn what the hell "resolution" means.

I promise to stick to these resolutions for più than a week (even though I never do).
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posted by Thecharliejay
1
Think
1.    1
Realization. Even though it may seem impossible, the truth is, nothing is impossible. If te keep thinking it's impossible, then it will be. Have faith
2
Analyze the situation. Create a lista of "pros" and "cons" to help te better understand why you're seeking Amore o acceptance from this person.
2.    3
Don't worry about things te can't help. Acknowledge the impossibility as something that is totally out of your hands (ex: marriage, age, sexuality, hang-ups) and know that if something is meant to be, it will be.
3.    4
Don't...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
7
Researchers in the UK examined più than 1000 jokes and placed them before 36,000 voters to determine the "official" 50 funniest jokes of all time.

And here they are:

50. I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for flu'. So I went - and I got it.

49. A foca, guarnizione walks into a club...

48. Went to the corner negozio - bought 4 corners.

47. So I met this gangster who pulls up the back of people's pants, it was Wedgie Kray.

46. I'll tell te what I Amore doing più than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

45. I tried water polo...
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posted by ilovepenguins
7
1. Let's go somewhere where we have to get really dressed up.

2. Wow, te did your cuticles.

3. I'll pick te up early, b/c I really want to meet your parents.

4. Want to hit the outlet mall this weekend?

5. If te want to data other guys too, that's cool with me.

6. Cani are fine, but gattini are più cuddly.

7. Hey, that camicia looks really good with those jeans.

8. Carson Daly is sooo deep.

9. How can anyone watch boxing? It's totally violent.

10. I can't wait to see the new Freddie Prinze Jr. movie.

11. Hey, today's our "two months from the first giorno we detto hi" anniversary.

12. Didn't Gwyenth's outfit...
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added by Pink_Love
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Part 4 - but still in no particular order

61.
Name: John Hannah (Actor)
From: The Mummy/Sliding Doors
Character: Johnathan/James
Attraction: His scottish accent even though I know he doesn't have it in The Mummy - I still like him



62.
Name: Calvin Harris (Singer)
Attraction: His voice - when I heard I'm Not Alone I just couldn't get enough of it - his voice was just beautiful to me. Alas, he is also Scottish



63.
Name: Jonas Altberg (Singer)
From: Basshunter
Attraction: Well just look at those gorgeous eyes



64.
Name: Mark Strong (Actor)
From: Stardust
Character: Septimus
Attraction: I suppose...
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added by r-pattz
Source: tumblr
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Ok that's it I'm doing it even if people didn't even wanted me to do it I'm doing it anyways.

Hello everybody welcome to Alpha's superiore, in alto ten lista (and yes I called it that very unoriginal...) Well I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to lista some of the worst fandoms of all of history. Oh and before I start this list, but it's pretty obvious that this is my opinion and I'm not here to hurt anyone. So here we go!!!!

10. Beliebers- You're probably wondering why this isn't higher and yes I find these fan really annoying!!! This is probably an example of an average crazy fangirl, but I don't...
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added by 050801090907
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posted by iLuvLouisCarrot
1
“So, Louis, the rumor’s true? Are te really secretly dating someone?”
Diana asked,
I shuffled uncomfortably in my seat. It was all Harry’s fault. Everyone thought I was dating someone because he detto that in the last interview we had.
For fucks sake, I didn’t know what the giddy aunt to say. I looked over at Harry, who was trying not to laugh.
“Yeah. Actually I am.”
It was a spur of the moment thing. I was just… errrggghhhhh.
The crowd gasped. Diana looked shocked. .
“Can te tell us who it is?”
She asked. She literally shoved the microphone in my face.
“I would tell you,...
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posted by ThatDarnHippo
3
This a little something I wrote for my English class after we read The Modest Proposal. We had to write our own modest proposals on modern giorno issues, and mine is on gay rights. It's short and to the point, so I won't be wasting too much of your time.
WARNING: some of the content may be offensive. Please realize that this is a satire (though I really do mean to offend people). Amore o hate me for it, I don't care. Enjoy.


A Modest Proposal
Discrimination has always been a problem in this country. Only 50 years fa were blacks dato the same rights as white people. Now, a big issue is discrimination...
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