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1) I can't reach my license unless te hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3) Aren't te the guy from the Village People?

4) Hey, te must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5) Are te Andy o Barney?

6) I thought te had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer

7) You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8) I pay your salary!

9) Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10) Do te know why te pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11)...
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posted by Wendy99
LITTLE TONY FROM BROOKLYN ON MATH

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and te shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a domanda for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The secondo is gobbling down the superiore, in alto and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the superiore, in alto of the ice cream....
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France
Honhonhon! Bonjour English man! Grow a real dick and don't fuck with Peter Pan! I'm Francis Bonnefoy and everyone loves me! te call me a wanker, cause mine is the biggest! Fuck off with your kid brother, cause USUK surely hits it!

Britain
SHUT UP! te DAMN FROG FACE! The fact that your on the same continent is a disgrace! All te are is a bloody wanker, my rhymes hit hard, like Captain Hook's anchor! Your just a bloody whore, I can't stand your face no more, your such a prick! Even Sealand has più dick! I have an army of Red Coats! te have shitty little boats! Waiting till the last minute?...
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Whoa, time out. Football is on.
Sorry. I was just picturing te naked.
Is there any way we can do this via e-mail?
Don't te have some laundry to do o something?
te are so cute when te get mad.
You're just upset because your bottom is beginning to spread.
Wait a minuto - I get it. What time of the mese is it?
te sure te don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?
Looks like someone had an extra bowl of cagna flakes this morning!
Who are te kidding? We both know that thing ain't loaded.
posted by EminemAddict09
Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that te "like it that way".
Drum on every available surface.
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copy warnings.
Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
Set alarms for random times.
Learn Morse code, and have conversations with Friends in public entirely of "Beeeep Bip...
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posted by Tayloraddict-1
☆go in his room and sabotoge it make it a daily thing
☆Show his gf embarrasing pics of him
☆Go into his room at night and say crazy things in his ear make it a daily thing
☆At cena time quietly throw Cibo but dont get caught
Bonus if its a chicken bone and it hits him in the head
☆Beat him up to make him say the weirdest stuff like my culo is fat o i stuff twinkies in my culo make it a daily thing
☆Ask dumb qs like how in da world did u get a talpa dat big make it a daily thing
☆Make him do ur chores da lying on him saying stuff like Jason detto that he was going to kick my culo o something like that
☆Tell him to give te a piggy back down stairs make it a daily thing
☆Sit in front of ur brother and talk on the phone act like te heard somthing suprising then do a spit take
☆Sit there and talk about nothing he carez about
By
Tayloraddict-1
Become a fan today
This is very funny I told some of my Friends and they laughed.

Kids, don't try this at home XD

Oh, and anything in between these things ** Is and action.

Oh and on più thing, I live in NYC, so any references that's why.

1. Shoot me now.
2. *Jumps of Brooklyn Bridge*
3. *Sinks with the Titanic*
4. *Runs away with Prince Charming*
5. *House lands on self in Oz*

6. *Wicked witch turns self into frog*
7. *Frog gets run over*
8. *Frog gets carried away be halk*
9. *Bangs head on bacheca so hard, knock self into the successivo room*
10. *Flies into the sun*

11. *Falls off the face of the earth*
12. *Jumps off cliff*
13. *Goes skydiving and forgets parachute*
14 *Dives into squalo tank*
15. *Glinda the good witch of the north send self home*

16. *Jumps into swamp full of hungry alligators*
17. Newspaper headline - "Magic trick gone wrong: teen disappears!"
18. *Swims in piranha infested waters*
19. *Runs away to Narnia*
20. *Canoes down a waterfall*
posted by IsabellaMCullen
1. Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make Amore with you.


2. Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until te find your
contact lens.


3. punch, punzone the body and tell people that he hit te first.


4. Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.


5. Ask someone to take a snapshot of te shaking hands with the deceased.


6. At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.


7. Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.


8. Ask the widow to give te a kiss.


9. Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.


10. Tell the undertaker that your...
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While shaking hands get into a heated thumb wrestling match.
Repeat everything your interviewer says, keep going until he o she yells at you. Then ask if te got the job.
Stick a piece of broccoli, broccolo between your front teeth, smile a lot.
Sometime during the interview, frown and sniff suspiciously, ask the boss if he o she farted.
Pick your nose and wipe contents underneath the lip of your interviewers desk.
Bring in whoopie cushion, set it off, roll your eyes and look at your interviewer with disgust.
In the beginning of the interview pull out a gun and put it on the interviewer’s scrivania, reception in front...
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posted by Seanthehedgehog
 Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!
Robotnik: Snooping as usual I see! *Talks faster* Snooping as usual *Slows down* I see!


A fleet of Rebel ships were close to the planet of Sullust. Inside one of the Mon Calamari ships, pilots were preparing their X-Wings. Other ships were carrying Y-Wings, and A-Wings.

Wedge: *Gives a high five to a Y-Wing* We're gonna do just fine.
Y-Wing Pilot: I copy red leader.

They both chuckled, and looked at a pilot in green.

Y-Wing Pilot: Must be one of the pilots for the new A-Wing.
Green-7: Hey. Ready to go?
Wedge: Yeah, te let me know how those A-Wings are. I might try one myself.
Green-7: Will do....
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of the sympathetic "stick it out and be tough"

I abhor the person who detto the line
"don't worry honey everything'll be fine"

Beware to the person who comes my way
saying "tomorrow will be a better day"

I wish I could meet the person who made
that all around classic "don't be afraid"

Can te understand what these lines do!
nothing, that's my point of view

People get sick of the same old stuff
not everyone is your definition of "tough"

These lines are a way to justify means
that we've done our part as human beings

Some people think "oh they're fine"
after the end of your clever little line

but do te understand...
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I was too, then I took 15 minuti to pay attention to a video that explained in black and white exactly what is going on.

In short it's utter bullshit. Now if te think this is simply an American phenomena you're mistaken. Sadly enough. This bill will allow the government to extract those who violate it from their country(I.E Like they're doing to a British student Richard O'Dwyer: Google it) to be tried on American soil.

For linking to a song.

Now before I get in too deep I'll just outline it plain and simple.

Music downloads-GONE
Video streaming(youtube anyone?)-GONE
Manga hosting sites(Yes, this...
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posted by wolfgirl985
Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan...
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posted by sweetangel222
1- beat your sister below.

2- shout at your computer "you're stupid".

3- paint your room bacheca with black one.

4- switch on and off the lamp many times.

5- put your rubbish successivo to your neighbours door.


Lollllllllllllllllllllllllllll!!!!!!

6- dress up your mom clothes and sunglasses.

7- snooze in your dad hair.

8- take your brother below and hide it.

9- iron your sister clothes and let them burn.

10- hold your breathe.

It's my own article

they are my ideas
wait più I'll write more
posted by jessicamc26
A wife arrived home and found her husband in letto with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice. Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw. Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! te aren't going to cut it off, are you?" Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fuoco to the shed. te do whatever te have to do!"
posted by Mephadowfangirl
Let's imagine. You, a regular fanpopper, decides to go and hang out at your preferito spot, hoping to post some video and pictures, answer domande and discuss in the forums, maybe even write an articolo o two. te get to the spot, and found that some idiot has completely bombarded everything on the spot with insults, flames, bashes, and content that goes against the topic of the spot.

You are outraged and frustrated, desperately trying to hurl every thing you've got at this person, but only getting risposte such as "you suck for liking this" o "I can say whatever I like because I'm entitled...
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1.Guys HATE sluts.(unless they are one themselves)

2."Hey are u busey?" o "Are te doing something later?" are two phrases to help prevent awkward silences.

3.Guys may be flirting around all giorno long but before they go to sleep they always think of the girls they truely care about.

4. Before guys call u they reherse what they are about to say so that way they dont sound like a total looser. (But 9 times out of 10 they get nervous when u pick up the phone and forget it all)

5. Guys go CRAZY over a girls smile.

6.Guys will do anything just to get attention from te girls.

7.Guys hate it when u talk...
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posted by emisa123
1. When in a public place, randomly shout "I TOLD te TO STAY OFF DRUGS!" See what he/she does.

2. When your Friends is trying to tell te something important, grab a bag of Doritos and start eating them furiously.

3. When te Friends is trying to have a conversation with you, yell out "I Amore YOU, TOO!" Repeat every few minutes.

4. If te go to a McDonalds with your friends, when its time to order, randomly yell out "IT'S RONALD McDonald’s RETARDED PURPLE FRIEND!" Then go hug a random stranger.

5. When your friend is wearing a new white shirt, cover your hands with that arancia, arancio dust te get on...
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posted by izzzyroxmysocks
HELLO if te dont know me im izzyroxmysocks. if te do know me good 4 u!
i got this idea from lydiascats and im not a copyer.
things i hate
--------------
hannah montana
meatlaof
the color green
my glasses
worms
homework
musicteletunes(youtube)
ect.

things i like
--------------
fan pop
surfing the web
spagetti
the #74
the color blue
Cioccolato milk
daisy(my dog)
cooking
tdi
ect.
now i will put random sentances!!!!
my homework iz cooking spagetti cause Cioccolato latte iz blue!!!!!!
i punched hannah montana cause her meatloaf was surfing the web with my green dog daisy!
musicteletunes eat 74 worms because my tdi glasses were made on fan pop!!
bye-bye!!!: )
ps thats my Friends in pennsylvania
 my cousin,my friend, two twins, and annoying little brat
my cousin,my friend, two twins, and annoying little brat
posted by LadyL68
1.Guys don’t actually look after good-looking girls. they prefer neat and presentable girls.

2.Guys hate other flirts.

3.A guy can like te for a minute, and then forget te afterwards.

4.When a guy says he doesn’t understand you, it simply means you’re not thinking the way he is.

5.Are te doing something?” o “Have te eaten already?” are the first usual domande a guy asks on the phone just to get out from stammering.

6.Guys may be flirting around all giorno but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.

7.When a guy really likes you, he’ll disregard...
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