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posted by awesomeblossom1
Here's some of my fave "I wasnt that drunk" jokes hope te like :)
"I wasn't that drunk"
"You saw a ginger girl eating blueberries and screamed 'No Foxface! Not the berries!'"
"You ran into Walmart and when te heard someone talking on the intercom, te fell to your knees and said, 'God has spoken!'"
"You grabbed my parakeet, threw it at my sisters piggy bank and yelled, 'ANGRY BIRDS!!!!!'"
"You told me to give te a ride home and the part was at your house"
"You asked your girlfriend if she was single"
"You gave a midget a fungo and yelled 'GROW MARIO GROW!!!'"
"You were cutting open pineapples...
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posted by Jasonfan44
It's an iPod app.

1. Men are 6 times più likely to get struck da lightning then women

2. On average, adults watch double the amount of TV as teenagers do

3. The first CD pressed in the US was Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the USA".

4. At the height of its power(400 BCE) the Greek city of Sparta had 500,000 slaves and only 25,000 citizens

5. The state of Florida is bigger than England

6. Approximate number of facial expressions Cani can make: 100

7. A lumaca can sleep for 3 years

8. It is illegal for tourists to enter Mexico with più than 2 CD's

9. Muhammad is the most common first name in the world...
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posted by Me_Iz_Here
There are a lot of creeps on Omegle. Whether you're just bored, trolling, o being a creep, te will definitely run into a pervert on Omegle. So here are some comebacks te can use.

Stranger: Horny?
You: Yes.
You: BECAUSE I'M A UNICORN!

Stranger: ASL.
You: Sorry, I don't speak American Sign Language.

Stranger: 17 M looking for horny females
You": 85, M, looking for other gay men.

Stranger: Wanna chat with hot girls? Go to "Babesofomegle . com"
You: No thanks I don't feel like seeing whores like you.

Strangers: Wanna fuck?
You: How the fuck are we gonna fuck if you're so fucking far away and I'm not gonna fucking tell te where I fucking live so we can fuck random strangers.

Stranger: te like dick?
You: Yes, I do like Dick. He's very nice. I don't get why people make fun of him for his name.
You: te ARE talking about the person, right?

Other ways are to just repeat the same thing over and over again, o copy everything they say.
posted by fanfly
A while back I wrote an articolo about link. I've decided to follow it up with a tutorial on how to make icons! They're actually much the same- the major difference is size.

You will need an image editing program. I use Corel Paint negozio Pro but I think most people use Photoshop.

There's also the following online programs but I've never used them and this tutorial isn't necessarily meant to be used with them because I have no idea what these programs are capable of doing.

link
link
link




the Size of Your icona Matters


Now this part is extremely important and I can't tell te how many icone I've seen that...
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posted by xxemogirl101xx
For people that hate stereotypes.


1. I'm SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic

2. I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

3. I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

4. I'm BLONDE, so I MUST be a ditz.

5. I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed.

6. I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

7. I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

8. I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

9. I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

10. I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

11. I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

12. I'm a GAY RIGHTS SUPPORTER, so I WILL go to hell.

13. I'm an ATHEIEST, so I WILL go to hell

14. I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST have no values...
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posted by vlad_todd_fan
This is A TRUE STORY AND IF te DON'T PASS THIS ON te DON'T HAVE A SOUL!!!

My name is Chris,
I am three,
My eyes are swollen..
I cannot see.

I must be stupid,
I must be bad,
What else could have made,
My daddy so mad?

I wish I were better,
I wish I weren't ugly,
Then maybe my mommy,
Would still want to hug me.

I can't do a wrong,
I can't speak at all,
Or else I'm locked up,
All giorno long.

When I'm awake,
I'm all alone,
The house is dark,
My folks aren't home.

When my mommy does come home,
I'll try and be nice,
So maybe I'll just get,
One whipping tonight.

I just heard a car,
My daddy is back,
From Charlie's bar

I hear...
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Ok so me and my friend Amore the mall but what makes it più fun are the following

-When your Lost looking for a store ask them in a british accents! here's an example "Pardon me, could te please point me in the direction of ______" (if u are british do it in a differnt accent like american austraian ect.)

-When te go into a store adress your friend da a differnt name and have a weird personality

-if te go into one of those store that plays the Musica REALLY loud, sing along like there's nobody else in the store but te and ur friend.

-Have weird conversations about random things. like terrorists o something

Have fun with Friends at the mall!
link

60. Matthias
59. Thaddeus
58. Asia
57. Ananias
56. Syria
55. Ephesus
54. Esau
53. Mt. Zion
52. An-ti-och
51. King Nebuchadnezzar
50. Macedonia
49. Jacob
48. Moses
47. Judah
46. Abraham
45. Kerith
44. Sapphira
43. Ahab
42. Rehoboam
41. Jeroboam
40. Baasha
39. Mahar-shalal-hash-baz
38. Maale-akrabbim
37. Isaiah
36. Je'ho'sha'phat
35. Ahaziah
34. Queen Athaliah
33. Pastor Eric
32. Zechariah
31. Joel
30. Pastor Ian
29. Jeremiah
28. Brad
27. Abijah
26. Ahijah
25. Uzziah
24. Thessalonians
23. Jerusalem
22. Titus
21. Tabitha
20. Thaddeus
19. Pastor Kerry
18. Tirshatha
17. Dalmatia
16. Simon-Peter-Leaka-tepha-lika
15. Hezekiah
14. Barrabas
13. Tarpelites
12. Demetrius
11. Deuteronomy
10. Exodus
09. Leviticus
08. Ezekiel
07. Gethsemane
06. Mary
05. Gabriel
04. Matthew-Mark-Luke-Johnaliqua
03. Gettah Hepher
02. Kadesh Barnea
01. JESUS
posted by ilovepenguins
I didn't write this!


Sell used bus tickets. Claim they are for half the price.

Get on the bus, grinning widely. As soon as the bus begins to move, burst into song. When te arrive at the successivo stop, stop singing. Step off the bus backwards, still grinning widely.

If te are seated between two passengers, yawn loudly, strech, and put your arms around them.

Greet passengers with a big hug, handshake, smile and say ³Hi, call me Norman²

Put a leash on a friend and walk him/her onto the bus. Insist he/she is a dog and should go for half fare.

When arriving at your stop, do not push the button to...
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50 Fun things to do in a Grocery Store

1. Ask the produce manager if he happens to have any fresh Oompah Loompah fruit.

2. While holding a cantaloupe directly in front of your chest, squeeze it and smile dreamily.

3. Every time te turn the corner with your shopping cart, shout “Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!”

4. Go up to the manager and tell him o her that you’ve Lost your mommy.

5. While waiting in line at the checkout, juggle some lemons.

6. Tiptoe stealthily up and down the aisles – and around corners – with a magnifying glass.

7. While scratching frantically, ask the manager if he o she has anything...
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1. te can do whatever te damn well please.

2. Shave your legs and the razor is never dull from his face.

3. Not only is your razor not dull, who needs to shave at all now?

4. te can leave bra and other unmentionables in view.

5. te can slump around the house in any old thing.

6. te don't having to think about birth control, calendars o ovulation. Mother Nature can visit whenever she likes.

7. te can go out and flirt as much as your cuore desires, without a worry in the world.

8. The toilet sede, sedile issue -- need I say more?

9. Free drinks at bars! Men seem to know when you're single and tend to...
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posted by Mallory101
" Watch out for the idiot behind me!"
Moooooove, I'm trying to speed!
If you're rich, I’m single!
0-60 in 15 minutes!
A clean car is a sign if sick mind.
100% Irony Free
Adrenalin is my drug of choice.
Adults are just kids with money.
Baby on bored
HOME SCHOOL. Smarter than ever.
I talk to strangers
I Think Feminists Are Cute!
Keep honking, I am reloading!
Pain is inevitable misery is optional.
To All te Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
Tennis players have fuzzy balls.
Your honor student deals the best drugs.


The fastest way to a fisherman's cuore is through his fly
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re...
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posted by thatguywashot
1.Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell."

2.A week beforehand, find a member of ACT-UP. Tell him the scheduled sermon is entitled "Why God Sent AIDS to Punish Homosexuals".

3.Put stray Cani in cappotto closets.

4.Un-tune the piano.

5.Replace the pianist's sheet Musica with "Stairway to Heaven".

6.Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666.

7.Find an empty seat, and ask the person successivo to it: "Is this sede, sedile SAVED?"

8.Toss around a giant spiaggia ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts.

9.Ten minuti before it starts, find...
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posted by My8thUsername
A/N:Okay, I have seen a lot of these around, so I decided to look through through all of them an make my own lista of superiore, in alto Five 'Roses Are Red' Poems. Just cause I wanted to. Basically, everything I do is 'just cause I want to'. Except homework.

5.A/N:Best disclaimer EVER! Well, one of them...
Roses are red
Violets are blue
Me no own
So te no sue

4."Roses are red, violets are blue."
That's what they say, but it just isn't true.
Roses are red, and apples are too,
But violets are violet. Violets aren't blue.
An arancia, arancio is orange, but Greenland's not green
And pinkies aren't pink. So what does it mean?...
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posted by EmzLovesCheryl
Hey, this is my piece for my drama exam, without the stage directions. I started Scrivere it out on here as a way of learning it, then I thought, why no post it? I may as well, it's going to do no harm. :D
So here it is, its rather depressing though. So if te don't need to be depressed right now, then I suggest te don't read it. :)




[Give me a break. You’re going to go back to your Friends and either forget all about us o tell a story about the hideous freak te met tonight. te don’t know me, if te did, you’d never think we’d be friends. I don’t have Friends - except my brother....
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Jetzt geht's los Freunde
Hier ist Markus Becker und die Mallorca Cowboys und das rote Pferd

Wir singen zusammen
Da hat das rote Pferd sich einfach umgekehrt
und hat mit seinem Schwanz die Fliege abgewehrt
Die Fliege war nicht dumm,
sie machte summ,summ,summ
Und flog mit viel Gebrumm
um's rote Pferd herum

lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala
lalalalalala lalalalalala lalalalalalalalalalalala

Ok Freunde,
das war nicht schlecht für tana, den Anfang
Aber da geht noch was
Seit ihr gut drauf? Jaaa
Habt ihr lust zu feiern? Jaaa
Dann macht euch bereit und singt mit uns zusammen


Die Fliege...
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Hello I'm NOT the nostalgia critic, I remembered it so te don't have to. I've been watching NC's biggest dumba** in distress video and I thought I'd do one. Except for me it's only going to be characters that are animated and it's not only going to be female characters, there are some male characters here too. With other characters I can find at least some aspect of heroics in them except for these characters. Please keep in mind that this is just my opinion and I don't hate all of these characters. Please comments, enjoy.

10.Esmeralda(The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

I promise I'm not being...
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posted by tokidoki123
[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to Amore Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to Amore every day.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are te talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, te have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond]...
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"Sometimes te wanna give up cause te dont think that te can make it. But in the end you'll be ok. Things will come and go.

You have to hang tight, hold on, be strong, sposta on, and keep your chin up. Cause tomorrow you'll deside on another way.

When everything inside te hurts, te just cant believe how it always comes back so much wrose. Just when te think te had all te can take, just stick up your head and know that te will always have a better day.

Somedays it can be hard and feels like the world is spining. Its never easy but we have rough times to try and build up our character not...
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FAKE FRIENDS: Never ask for Cibo
REAL FRIENDS: Are the reason te have no food.

FAKE FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr/Mrs.
REAL FRIENDS: Call your parents da their first names.

FAKE FRIENDS: Bail te out of jail and tell te what te did was wrong.
REAL FRIENDS: Would be sittin successivo to te sayin "Dang...... that was fun!"

FAKE FRIENDS: Have never seen te cry.
REAL FRIENDS: Cry with you.

FAKE FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
REAL FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget its yours.

FAKE FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
REAL FRIENDS: Could write a book about...
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