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posted by Usui--takumi
Why was Tigger looking in the bowl??
He was trying to find pooh.
There were three men on an airplane, one of them decides to bring a baby.There is a crash and only three parachutes so they leave the baby behind. When they get to the bottom they hear screaming. They find the baby on the ground. The dad of the baby says, '' How did te get down here? ''. The baby replies, '' Me not dumb, me not silly, me hold on to daddy's willy!''
What's black and white, black and white, black and white?
A pinguino rolling down a hill.
Yo momma so fat, when she jumps her own boobs slap her.
Yo momma so dumb AND fat,...
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posted by bizeshnakarki
I found this articolo on the internet.

1. Insist that te are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the letto holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say te know nothing about them.
2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors da your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.
3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as te can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards,...
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posted by adaug
Mom:Okay kids!(4 kids)get in here!I got news!
Kennedy:What is it?
Mom:Me and your dad are going on a date
*grasshopper sound*
Mom:so te guy will need a babysitter!


*10 minuti later the baby sitter came*
Mom:Hello!I'm Amy!
Babysitter:I'm Ashley!
Mom:DARELL!Get your butt in here!
*Mom and Dad leave*
Ashley:Hi kids!I'm your babysitter Ashley!
kids:HI!
Kid:I'm Amber!I'm four!
Ashley:Hi Amber!*ruffles hair*cute!
Amber:Never...touch...ME!!!
Ashley:OH kay!
Kid:I'm Zack!I'm 9
Ashley:Hello!


*59 minuti later*
Amber:I wuv tè parties!!
Ashley*Walks in*Hey Amber what are te doing?
Amber:Having a tè party!
Ashley:Can I...
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Dost thou Amore life?
Then do not squander time,
for that is the stuff life is made of.
Benjamin Franklin

Life is either a daring adventure o nothing.
Helen Keller

Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt te represents determinism; the way te play it is free will.
Jawaharal Nehru








Life is like the dice that, falling, still mostra a different face. So life, though it remains the same, is always presenting different aspects.
Alexis

Our life's a stage, a comedy: either learn to play and take it lightly, o orso its troubles patiently.
Palladas

The geat blessing of mankind are within us and...
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posted by Juilet1234
Mittens.
They warm your hands, protect te from the cold. They're not a bad thing.
But imagine if for your whole life te wore heavy mittens. If te dial a phone, try to use a remote control, o try to play a board game, you're still wearing mittens. Practically everything is much più difficult.
Right there.
Practically everything is much più difficult.
Remember that.
Now imagine this.
You're in a room with the TV on full volume. The radio is blaring loud, screeching music. The lights are flickering on and off. Everything te see is magnified, is a much bigger deal than it normally would...
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 Rose Island before its destruction
Rose Island before its destruction
-The Republic of Rose Island (Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozol in Esperanto, the official language of the once-micronation)
-Area: .04 km (4305 sq. ft.)
-Date of foundation: June 24, 1968
-Leader: President Giorgio Rosa
-Language: Esperanto
-Currency: Mill
-Location: Adriatic Sea, between Cesnatico and Rimini, Italy

The Republic of Rose Island (Esperanto: Respubliko de la Insulo de la Rozoj) was a short-lived micronation on a man-made platform in the Adriatic Sea, 11 km (7 mi) off the coast of the province of Forlì, Italy.

In 1967, Italian engineer Giorgio Rosa funded the construction of a 400...
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posted by Thecharliejay
Act like a spy / secret agent for the day
Act like te just met your friend for the first time
Act profound
Ad lib
Add some strawberries to your ice cream
Adopt strange mannerisms
Alphabetize the Cibo in your fridge
Announce your candidacy for President.
Annoy total strangers
Apply for a unicorn hunting license
Appreciate everything
Archive the Internet to 3.5" floppy disks (low density of course)
Arrest yourself
Ask a domanda nobody can answer
Ask embarrassing questions
Ask for seconds
Ask people how to pronounce their name
Ask people if they want to see your “belly button treasure”
Ask...
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Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.


Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable da the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby...
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1. Every giorno at school is the same
2. te never know if your braids look digusting o not
3. te are so used to never talking that if somebody says something to you, never know how to react
4. te would like to think that people notice o even think about te but te are really just the big ugly quiet black girl nobody knows o cares about
5. te worry people will write nasty commenti on your fanpop articolo that is obvioustly meant to vent your feeling out
6. On the weekend all te do is watch tv and sleep and play with your cat
7. When te only really have like 3 Friends at school and 2 of them...
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474 Things To Do When You're Bored


- Wax the ceiling
- Rearrange political campaign signs
- Sharpen your teeth
- Play Houdini with one of your siblings
- Braid your dog's hair
- Clean and polish your belly button
- Water your dog...see if he grows
- Wash a tree
- Knight yourself
- Name your child Edsel
- Scare Stephen King
- Give your cat a mohawk
- Purr
- Mow your carpet
- Play Pat Boone records backwards
- Vacuum your lawn
- Sleep on a letto of nails
- DON'T toss and turn
- Boil ice cream
- Run around in squares
- Think of quadruple entendres
- Speak in acronyms
- Have your cuscino X-rayed
- Drink straight shots...of...
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1. Turn to a stranger and sing a random song
2. When your on a floor someone wants to get off on make sure they don't get off
3. Say in a new jersey accent "I told my daughter not to give the dog coffee. What does she do? She gives the dog coffee! Now i've got a dead dog! A dumb daughter! And no coffee!"
4. If your with a friend, and there are più people start a annoying conversation. (I did this one time and all the people in the elevator turned to me, someone even detto shut up XD)
5. Pretend your driving in a car, and make motor sounds
6. Whisper into a strangers ear "I am a parol officer! Respect...
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I am a god at this...

1)Ask the most randomest domanda to a stranger, but seriously-like and then laugh, but than go back to serious
2) randomly when te have to go to the bathroom yell "BATHROOM!" and run to it as fast as u can, waving ur arms around
3)When in the bathroom, dance for half n ora and then when ur parents say "is it goin all right in there?" say "NOOOOOO!"
4)When ur in a pool get up from the water and say "I CNT BREATH!!!"
5) When someone asks for te to do something say "YO MAMA!" and run away (i do tht all the time)
6)At school spaz out and than when te get calm fall out of you...
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posted by bubbletl
1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."

2. If te have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

3. Start each meal da conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."

4. Name your dog "Dog."

5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what te think."

7. Claim that te must always wear a bicycle casco as part of your "astronaut training."

8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything...
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posted by evangelinetom
101 Ways to
Annoy Your Roomate

1. Insist that te are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate eats meat. Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the letto holding your stomach every time your roommate walks in. If he/she asks about the wrappers, say te know nothing about them.

2. Get some hair. Disperse it around your roommate's head while he/she is asleep. Keep a pair of scissors da your bed. Snicker at your roommate every morning.

3. Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as te can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep...
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posted by energizerbunny
5. Avril Lavigne

Not a fan but she's so skinny!! I've never been skinny in my whole life and will never be.

4. Sophia Bush

She's pretty. She has boobs & a butt, but is not big.

3. Kaya Scodelario

Again with the skinniness. I don't think skinny is all there is, but for someone like me who's never been skinny, it's seems nice! She also has a unique face and her eyes are gorgeous!

2. Katie Cassidy

This girl is just so GORGEOUS!! And looks so classy when she dresses up.

1. Megan Fox

Not a fan but she has to be the DEFINITION of PERFECT! PERFECT face, PERFECT body, just PERFECT!!


Some people are just lucky I guess. <33
posted by dannylynn92
link

Childbirth is the secondo most painful thing in the world, right successivo to being burned alive.

You are più likely to get struck da lightning than to be attacked and killed da a bear.

It is unlawful to sit on the floor anywhere in the US Capitol building. It is considered to be protesting.

The chicken is the closest living relative to the T-Rex.

Elephants are the only animal that have 4 knees. They also are the only animal that can't jump.

The United States has never Lost a war in which mules were used.

Vaccinations contain dead bacteria cells. The bacteria cells are inserted into your body so that...
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posted by MarMar_XigLux
What Being a Retard Online can do for You

Being a retard online will bring te riches beyond your wildest dreams, hot girls and above all - attention: te crave attention, te absorb it like a wet sponge...Ah yes, te may very suffer from ADHD but it doesn't matter: no my friend, because da being a retard online te can get all the attention te need for a small fee.

Poor Literacy is Kool!

If te want to be a retard te must learn to spell like one, remember kids - poor literacy is cool! First of all we must take a lesson from the Image comics of old and remember that everything must be EXTREME!...
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posted by ultimatefredde
1. Guys for gods sake, dont pretend being something te aren´t girls have a sixth sense we don´t have and find out sooner o later

2. Dance!

3.Flirt, they aren´t the only ones who should do this.

4.Tell her what te really enjoy in life

5.Help them out when needed.

6.Avoid playing those "Gay games" with your pals, it´s just not right

7.avoid grabbing your "parts" on public. Really.

8.Be original, with gifts, don´t just give flowers, o take her to dinner, also sometimes a card o a simple walk in the park is good to try

9.Be romantic and take shyness away

10. Express your feelings, te wont die...
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posted by ilovetowrite
1-Accept that it's already happened to you. It's your life history now. te can never changed the past but te must accept it with new belief that future could be better and try to più be focused on the future. Leave the past behind so sposta on. Remember, life always has ups and downs.

2-Cry as long as te want until te feel tired and bored. Do not hold up the tears. After te cry, te go to look yourself in front of a mirror and say this many times till te feel energized again. Don't forget to say it with your style, "I am a winner and passed, you're just a loser."

3-Watch some funny videos...
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posted by Tamar20
1. WRITE EVERYTHING IN trofei LOCK OVERUSE trofei LOCK! WHEN te REALLY SHOULD WRITE SOMETHING IN ALL trofei THOUGH, USE ALL LOWERCASE LETTERS!

2. Don't use any punctuation.

3. Purposely spell things wrong and then get really upset when people don't understand you.

4. Overuse the comma, for example: "today, I, really, had, a, bad, day."

5. Use Sticky trofei Capitalize every other letter.

6. Forget the grammar And when someone asks te what te mean just repeat it the exact same way.

7. Capitalize each word This annoys some people very, very much.

8. Use absolutely no vowels.

9. Answer every thing they say...
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