Riku114 Wall

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Riku114 detto …
A lot of me working on Impulse Control and managing compulsions is going "Do we actualky need to do this as much as we physically feel we do? No? Then dont do it. 'Just this last time' is never true and te know it so start now. Go do something else and learn to sit with the discomfort. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Revolving looking up Danganronpa stuff and plucking, Ive actually managed to redirect and prevent myself from breaking to it and its actually been a pretty successful process to go through. Its had a like 100% success rate on a smalk impulse thing like Danganronpa but Im trying to apply it to Trich a bit più to see. The time I did it with Trich I dodnt pluck for like... five minuti più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
It personally might work and I might test it with some of my other compulsions più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Its also considered a type of Exposure Therapy I suppose? più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Story time

My boyfriend was being stupid and making stupid (yet hilarious) jokes while I was eating grapes and I just looked down at him cos he was in my lap and started trying to shove grapes in his mouth against his will to shut him and his bad (still hilarious) jokes up and all XD and he was like "NOOOO NOOOO NOOOO RAPEEEEE"

And I was like "NO ITS GRAPE" all seriously

Then there was a moment of silence before he lightly hit my head cos it was a stupid pun XD XD XD postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Seems like a pretty good one to me XD !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Also pretty sure nube, nuvola will survive cos 2 hours later hes back to living life like normal and tweeting at me when I checked up on him in the middle of the night XD postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
That is certainly great to know !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
cerca up the danganronpa characters in v3 te wanna see immagini

Me: No I dont wanna risk spoilers

do it o else I will...

Chest: *tenses up*

Me: *sweating profusely* Well I mean... since te are trying to use physical things to force my impulses.... I guess I have to tell te to FUCK OFF. I am working on my impulse control. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
But yeah Im getting better at it. Ive been able to resist to the urge to look up V3 characters for the most part XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Not even for the most part più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I think entirely actually più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
That makes me proud !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
te know I actually thought my mom was being a bit of a lazy bad owner when she detto she would probably just flour it, but now that I'm thinking of it, she probably genuinely doesnt get the procedure to it.

Cause when I was doing it I have her hold him down so I can focus on pulling the feather, but she asked me how to hold him and restrain him and I was like "On his back, then stretch the wing out and hold it there with your fingers o other hand" postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Cos I thought it was common knowledge and/or instinctual for someone who had birds as long as her, but I think the procedure, as simple as I find it to be, probably seems a lot più complicated to someone who doesnt pretty much help out at the Wild Animal equivalent to the ER. più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Lucy: *singing after I cover them up*

Me: *checks on them* Ugh go to sleep. te have an elderly wounded bird there.

Lucy: Oh hi mom

Cloud: *looks over at me as if nothing just happened* Oh hi Riku

Me: >.> Well te suddenly look all fine. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Just saved Cloud's life for the secondo time this month. This time it was REALLY bad though. He either fell off his branch when sleeping o got scared and jumped but he broke three blood feathers in his wings - two of which were primary feathers - and Lost two flight feathers without breakign them

The bottom of the cage, had blood everywhere and when I took him out I got blood all across my forearm and hand postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Hes lucky (and I am too) that he has a future bird vet as an owner cos I respond really quickly and am good at handling it. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
My mom even admitted if it was her she would have just floured the wing and hoped for the best over the night più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Ill update te all tomorrow if I remember if he survived. He seems happy and relaxed now so I think I got all of it and it stopped bleeding più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Man... Imma miss my boyfriend when I go off to college. Without him who will make the stupid unnecessary over done jokes and being complessivamente, generale a cute stupid jackass? Who will take the jokes I set up and make the stupid joke I was intending to be said? WHO WILL BE MY PARTNER IN CRIME FOR MAKING THE WORLD CRINGE AT JOKES THAT ARE SO BAD THEY ARE GREAT?!?!?! postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Btw when it comes to him "Jackass" is a compliment and kinda akin to "smartass" XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
But seriously Imma set up so many jokes irl out of habit and no one is going to take them and Ill be sitting there sad. Like we never planned it o organized it but we run this duo of me pretty much making a lot of set up jokes for stupid commentary o puns o whatever XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Honestly this is all so silly. When te think about it. Kinda childish at it too.

I should stop playing around and just fully leave it behind. Its a waste of my time and energy. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
*When te think about it, kinda più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Good riddance più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Honestly, if I wasn't so aware its not what I want and its temporary, my parents would literally make me want to kill myself. The way they act just get me into a "I just hate it all. Fuck it its not worth trying." moodset and if I didnt have a natural flowing "Its only temporary and youll be out of the house soon and able to live your life", Id get into major depressive modes and probably borderline suicidal so often because of them postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Oh yeah huh, I just remembered I was literally triggered da a really small happy thing at my boyfriends house earlier today and pretty much distracted myself out of it so I wouldnt fall into a panic attack o anything XD

Seriously tho. I dont think I can say I dont have PTSD at least to a degree no matter how much my brain wants to tell me I dont XD I literally got triggered da my boyfriend's dad hugging and being affectionate to the toddler theyve been nanny-ing for two years postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Like at first such a small thing was like "wait what the fuck" and then from there it just hit like a train and was not fun but Im like... the best at dissociation and distracting myself and kinda brought myself back as I hurridly forced myself to NOT think about it no matter what anytime it started coming into my head più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Like yikes I barely remember it but yikes più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
HA IM NOT A FRESHMEAT IN COLLEGE TECHNICALLY. MY AP SCORES HAVE ME LISTED AS A SOPHOMORE FITE ME postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Mmm... Fresh blood !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: If she really manages to do get us as roommates, I am going to get her flowers, no question.

Roommate: SAME. If she manages to help us out of the 500 other students trying to get help, we have to do something

Me: I mean... do te think... we could get the band??? I mean its my always go to as a bando, but we are freshmen and lack connections so would we able to pull that off so early?

Us: Screw it. We will do it. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Update: Still struggling to understand psychosis to the level I wish to. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I honestly Amore my roommate tbh postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I mean the one that will be my roommate - not my current ones XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: I need to get back to learning / figuring out 3D Modeling at some point

Boyfriend: te do realize te dont need to have EVERY skill and EVERY hobby in existence right? postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
It is kinda funny when you're making that post with that specific icona !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
^ .... okay that is true XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I give like at least 50% of credit / blame to my extreme burst in drive to Kevin Laue.

Cos seriously I wasnt so gunho about it until he spoke at my school on a giorno I was really kinda depressed and his speech brought forth my first firm goal and plan for the ideology of "Passing the Torch" that I have still to today

And just like the goal and planning and actively reaching for that was so satisfactory that I just branched it out into so many other things postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I need to watch his documentary at some point. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Within all my memory issues and everything, I will have him have a permanent name in my book of my life. He lit my torch as Im sure he has many others. Hes a truely remarkable man. più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Honestly part of the reason Im as driven as I am is I strongly appreciate action over words. te can SAY te will graduate. te can SAY te will eat better. te can SAY te wont be a dick. te can SAY te will eat only one più chip. te can SAY te will listen and help. te can SAY te wont force someone to do something.

Its a whole other thing about actually doing it. I respect people who actually do rather than just talking o just planning. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
That plus te really never get anywhere if te just talk and make promises to others and yourself if te arent willing to actually take active action to follow through più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Oh and birds duh più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Personally I wont say my drive is necessarily 100% good and I wont say I am not sometimes scared of how extreme it can be, but Im also not gonna say I dont think its good for me. più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Pretty much Munakata is honestly a pretty good representation of me put under a lot of responsibility and pressure, put in a dire action-calling situation, with an ego put on superiore, in alto of it.

I think the main issue thats in his hands is he believes hes is the ONE and ONLY Hope.

But nah Munakata is almost creepily like me. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: *making predictions on Danganronpa V3 characters* "Well she has the ahegao that all the main protagonists hav- .... backtrack. I am pretty sure ahegao is not the antennae but that hentai mind break thing. That would be an extremely different thing and image. One second"

Me: "Ah Ahoge. That sounds right." postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Also RIP Jet Black's account postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Oh boiii... We'll be seeing him in a new Account a few days from now at least, I guess !!!! più di un anno fa
BlindBandit92 commentato…
Not surprised. Dude can't figure out which username he wants lol più di un anno fa
JetBlack__ commentato…
^ I need to stop XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: ciao can I get some help, I was put in a triple with people that give me extreme anxiety cos of my GAD and PTSD and I could use some consigli how to get out

email I get in Response: Triple dorms arent bad! Heres why they arent bad!

Me: .... thanks.... i guess...? postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I swear my stress level will be at a constant like... two notches higher than it usually is until I get verified that I am at least in a better room placement o even better if Im in a room with my roommate.

Like its not horrible but Imma be constantly having that bugging me in the back of my head.

If I didnt get better at handling my anxiety it would be killing me, but since Im better at it, its not THAT bad. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I literally wish I could put "Literally just give me and my roommate a kinda nice cardboard box and we will both be happy" più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
link più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
THAT COULD BE US DAVIS BUT te ARE IN THE WAY più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
"Welp [redacted] is gonna die. Shes been too supportive and too likable."

*[redacted] isnt killed*

"Welp i didnt call it I gue-"

*[redacted] died another way*

"RING RING MOTHERFUCKER. I CALLED IT" postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
The Death Flag had been raised. Its vibes were too strong !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: Yo Lefteris what episode are we on? 7 o 8?

Lefteris: About to see 8. .... WAIT 9 DAMN IT RIKU

Me: :v shhh my memory is crap. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
wait shit I forgot to put Lefteris' exclamation marks. Its not accurate :V più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Wait if we were gonna see 8 why didnt we bring ducks- //shot// più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Lmao. ^ We are going to bring the ducks once they get through the Games !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
te know, earlier I was at Walmart getting like... college stuff and there was this health machine thing to see your age in health and I always take those just mostly out of tradition and all XD

And for the first time in a long time the domande like "How often this mese have te been depressed" o "felt like things were going horribly wrong" o "felt te couldnt keep up / manage your stress" and stuff like that to which I was able to say "rarely" o "none at all" postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Well I doubt none at all cos Im a mental health mess and I do tend to have it at least a bit and all, but like man... più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Ever since I started being most dedicated to myself and my health above all else - academics, achievement, and other people - my life has been wonderful. Never thought it was possible before to be completely honest più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
That's certainly good to know. The progress te have made and will continue to do so is always great to see !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
[its so weird my dad keeps complimenting me over my skill with money and future planning]

[im not used to compliments from him]
postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
WHY DO I LIKE LOOKING FOR JOBS FOR MY BOYFRIEND

WHY DO I LIKE MANAGING AND PLANNING FINANCES

WHY DO I LIKE DOING ADULT-Y STUFF

ITS NOT NATURAL postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
My boyfriend commenti a lot on how Im honestly a bit of a schmoozer. And like... Im not entirely denying it. I Amore getting along with the people in charge, but its just because I like to be involved in leadership stuff if Im not the leader and because people who lead tend to be the type of people I get along with the best.

Its not like I am doing it for the benefits alone, its just the natural way I am. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
If Im not the leader o admin, I like to be the moderator o help them like a moderator. Helps keep things in order since I know its hard even for them, and it helps them understand and work with me if they know me più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Thus why I tend to be similar to the 'teachers pet' and 'favorite regular' at places. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I was honestly a sociopath o something a few years ago. So glad I woke myself up from that più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Debating what game to play now that I finished Pandora...

I really wanna start Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma, but Imma start Danganronpa V3 in probably like... a mese o less and I dont think I should tire myself of that Genre

Hakuoki is too long to start with Danganronpa coming up and Psycho Pass I need to watch the Anime first. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
So then I have Root Double, Her Smile Beyond the Twilight, Mayajasmine, Eden, and Blood Code. Could always go back and do più of Sickness o give Men of Yoshiwara another torturous go o do più of Pastry innamorati but.... eh più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I think Ill go with Her Smile Beyond the Twilight più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Since te loved Danganronpa, I'm pretty sure te are really going to like Zero Escape as well. They share quite a few similarities between them. Totally recommend it !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
And so we begin my transition into college where college will be my main focus and integrating and adjusting will be the main focus until the end of the first quarter around like... December o whatever XD

Gotta get all I need for college together
Gotta get my roommate stuff settled out
Gotta go to band camp
Gotta adjust my relationship for long distance
Gotta get used to the campus and classes
Gotta make good friends
Gotta figure out communal bathroom life
etc etc postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Fuck it XD Since my brain is up for an anxiety attack cos of this, Imma just drop the conversation and head straight to the people in charge of student housing with the issue.

Rather than waiting o sitting on it and contemplating, Imma just get information right from the source. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Riku's all fun, nice, charismatic, and someone people like to be around, but that is only until something that is perceived as a threat enters the situation. Then its cold, questioning, sometime crude and harsh, and complessivamente, generale distant and distrustful until detto perceived threat is either gone o satiated.

Then its also a matter of if my logical side says "Yes, it is a threat" "Not sure if it is o isnt" o "Stfu te are stupid. Its not a threat" postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Those three determine how much of a filter is on the cold swap and how hard I stick to / try to get out of my defensive mode XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
.... is my brain literally considering going on an anxiety attack over this??? Stfu brain XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
It wants to hide behind "comfortable roommate" XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: Ugh thats an annoying way. Ah well, lets work with it. And be nice in case we do end up with the-

Brain: ITS A THREAT. ITS AN ATTACK. HISS. HISS. DEFENSIVE. DONT TRUST. DONT TRUST. DEFENSE DEFENSE

Me: ...

Me: .... Lets be nice and be charismati-

Brain: THREAT. DONT TALK. IGNORE. AVOID. DEFENSIVE. DEFENSIVE. DONT LIKE. DONT LIKE.

Me: Its okay not to like it but we still need a good first impression. Also its not an actual threa-

Brain: THREEEEAAAAATTTT

Me: ... >.> okay postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Literally though XD I hate how they approached me so much XD It puts me in such a corner and I dont like feeling like Im in a corner. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Im in such a defensive mode right now più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
My brain with its trust issues, extreme vulnerability issues, and shit is irrationally Leggere it as a personal attack and threat XD Its so stupid XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
AH FUCK MAN.

Im fine with it when its on here and all but unexpected, unsolicited approaches to me related to things and people I have to deal with irl spook the fuck out of me and put me on guard so damn quickly

I like to watch, analyze, and select for at least a few minuti before interacting

Strangers suddenly trying to be my friend without me having anything to look after before hand and even più so when I wasnt expecting it is just ugh. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I got put into a Triple dorm apparently with two people I dont know and they approached me before I even knew assignments were out using my personal phone number >.> più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Requests to switch are apparently common and apparently decently handled most of the time but yikes. 0/10 poor way to start an interaction with me :v Two people I dont know ganging up on me and tlaking like they already know each other :v più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
ESPECIALLY if Im not the one that brought it together più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: Man Im tired. Long drive and too tired to explain stuff

Also Me: Imma research jobs for the successivo two hours to make my boyfriend's life easier.

Also Me After That: Now to start planning my college finances

Me: This is fun and relaxing. *not sarcastic* postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Also dude, I got my oldest sister to agree to buy me a $32 Cockatiel imbracatura so Lucy will be slowly trained to be a bird I can go on walks from. Its a bit of a stretch tho since I know hes a hardcore agoraphobic rn XD

If I cant get him comfortable with going out on my shoulder da the time CMHS' band camp starts, then Ill jsut bring Smokey to my old children since she used to go out with me WITHOUT a imbracatura and didnt fly off postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Good old times with Smokey when she was younger and less flock-orientated and più of a companion bird XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
She had più energy and could handle going out better cos she was younger and I didnt have to worry much at all of her flying away XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
IM home HALLELUJAH.

The trip was A LOT of fun. Something of the most fun and relaxing vacations Ive had in a while, and thats coming from me, someone who tends to hate and, più accurately put, fear vacations XD

Plus I got Pandora Hearts completed since I downloaded it before hand and wow that was a great ending XD Made my mood even better for that night that I slept

Plus spending four nights and three full days (five partial) with my boyfriend and his family is always awesome postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Welcome back, Riku. Glad to know about your progress and that te had a good time !!!! più di un anno fa
GDragon612 commentato…
annyeong Riku, thats good to know that te are doing great!!! And I am happy te had alot of fun and sleep più di un anno fa
GDragon612 commentato…
and te enjoyed ya trip with fam and playing hehe<3 più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
This drive back is literally the worst :v Its normally a 6-8 ora drive and I think its now nearly a 12 ora one due to traffic postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Rikus on her way back home bb postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Have a sicuro, cassetta di sicurezza return, Riku. Hope te enjoyed yourself to the fullest !!!! più di un anno fa
2ntyoneplts detto …
Hi its been a while. Im just here to quickly say a big thanks for everything youve done. Carry on. So this is goodbye from me dude. Im leaving. So ya take care. Stay Alive <3 ||-// postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Youre welcome <3 Im glad I could help. Feel free to come da whenever. This club, my inbox, and the Mental Health forum is always there with open arms for te più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Off camping for a while. Prolly wont be on mich for the successivo few days postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Have fun, Riku. Get the most out of it !!!! più di un anno fa
JetBlack_ commentato…
Have fun :D be sicuro, cassetta di sicurezza 🏕 più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Thanks XD Amore yall più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I relate to Nagito drooling over Izuru Kamukura there. Like wowza.

I think Nagito and Munakata summarize my personality pretty well. Then te could put either Toko o Izuru in to add extra touches. o both. postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Same for me with the last two although a little bit più than extra touches. Anyway, both it is. They synchronize pretty well XD !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
[forgot she had like four hours of on and off panic attacks today until Zeppie asked her about it cos she saw the post]

"The Glory of My Memory" XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
But yeah, I felt like I can talk about my boyfriend a tad bit più since some of te have been curious about it a bit and Ive been rather restrained on the topic until lately.

Itll die down a bit once this whole "Opening the door about the relationship to the public" phase fades through, but until then, the door to know about my relationship più is open XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Cos hes a big part of my life and theres a lot to say about him after being together for nearly a year. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Just a like... two months off. October 20th is the anniversary, which I only remember because the half years is 420 and I'm a child like that. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Its kinda creepy but mostly awesome. più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Panic Attacks ; All giorno postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Shoutout to Lucy and my boyfriend for most of the giorno support più di un anno fa
JetBlack_ detto …
Guys
since I'm really bored right now I'll post some questions__ Enjoy ^^ postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Yass più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Much appreciated, Comrade. Your domande are always a treat XD !!!! più di un anno fa
JetBlack_ commentato…
Np :D più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I am so sleeping in tomorrow

...

inb4 I wake up an ora earlier than usual naturally postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
To a degree, pain, suffering, depression, and struggle is pleasant. Its a comfortable usual. Its the normal. Its an actual emotion.

When compared to the nothingness I used to have, o the struggle and even greater pain and all that comes with trying to get better, in a way, pain and suffering are the più pleasant and enjoyable of the two.

In that way, I very much can understand not wanting to get better and personally am not the type to say those that dont want to recover are fake postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
((Even though I might slip it through my mouth in the rage of the people that think mental health is a cool trend and self diagnose unrealistically and make jokes of mental health issues)) più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Despair, in a way, is comfortable. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
But thats just a tangent off of the precedente post XD Its not directly related but like.. a tangent of a thought that came up when I was thinking of the last post XD So like a tangent of a tangent più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Also STRONGLY related to Izuru Kamakura at a point in my life. Not AS much anymore cause Ive recovered from shit a good deal and found a lot of great things but like... I totally get it man XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Shocking to say, I dont ENTIRELY hate older Monaca o at least... Post Nagito Monaca. I still have major gripes with her in DRAE but her character seems a little LESS 24/7 extremely ear grating and like she was created to piss me off.

Thank te Nagito for fixing her up a little bit. I can always rely on you. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Ah honestly, itll be such a relief when September comes around and I can go off to Davis. A lot of my toxic environments vanish pretty well o minimize greatly and Ill actually be able to be me fully in my life. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
AHH. I DID PROGRESSSS

IM SO HAPPY IM NOT KIDDING YOU. I KEPT IT OFF THE CLUB BECAUSE I SOUND SO JADED AND SHIT AT TIME BUT MAN WAS I REALLY LOOSING FAITH BEFORE THIS.

LIKE I WAS FULLY UNDERSTANDING THAT IT WOULDNT GO AWAY UNTIL I Lost ALL THINGS HOLDING ME BACK AND ALL TRAUMA WAS PROCESSED BEFORE I EVEN GOT SOMETHING LIKE THIS

AND ITS BACK

I FORGOT THAT TRICH USED TO BE A HUGE DEAL FOR ME postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
COS I SHUT OUT HOW BADLY IT FELT TO FAIL AND REALIZED I COULDNT HELP IT AND ACCEPTED IT FOR MY OWN SANITY più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
This is certainly worthy of sharing, Riku. One's improvement is never a small matter. te still hold room for so much more. Be glad for every step te take along that path. Once again, I'm really happy for te !!!! più di un anno fa
BlindBandit92 commentato…
^ più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
GUYS IM LIKE MAKING PROGRESS ON MY TRICHOTILLOMANIA FOR THE FIRST TIME IN AGES I THINK postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
INSTEAD OF MAGICALLY FINDING MY HAND PLUCKING HAIR, I HAVE THREE TIMES TODAY FOUND MY HAND MAGICALLY PLAYING WITH MY STIM TOYS più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I SAY THREE minuti COS IM SLEEPING SOON più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
IF I CAN STOP SCREAMING più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
On other notes, super hyped for DCI finals tomorrow with my boyfriend XD

Ill finally be free to watch all of them XD Hopes for SCV winning postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Since the private message was rejected, I am highly uncomfortable and not okay with Wanta continue his level of participation in this club and I would really like if people on here would help me in getting that respected since he refuses.

If Im being honest, if I cant feel comfortable in my own club which is like my home, Ill likely leave fanpop all together since seeing someone I have bad blood so frequently within a place I call home is really not good for me. postato più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
I literally refused nothing btw più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Just an update. I broke the friendship with Wanta off. If any yall really want any specifics I might say in PM but for the most part its mostly just an update that I feel yall would wanna know postato più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
As my input on this. It had nothing to do with my earlier thing where I blanked my profilo and icon. That was an unrelated financial issue. In addition this was a mutual decision Riku and I both came to. più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
TFW te are managing three really important focus demanding conversations at once and after doing so for like... half an ora o more, te literally start throwing out memories of what was going on in conversations.

I need to cool my brain for a bit XD It cant keep up postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I'm also wondering if I should post like... exactly 20 immagini so my life time oro is 12,345 cos I like shit like that postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Question: Do te bite your nails?

Me: *googling: Are humans supposed to have nails?* Its been so long I dont remember postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Also arching on the precedente topic a bit, I genuinely think the world is beautiful. Its shitty and unfair, but despite it, its still a beautiful place with so many opportunities to go through.

Its part of why I am driven. I have a limited pass into being part of it, and I want to do as much as I can in the time I have. I want the knowledge it offers. I want the games it gives. I want the art it permits. I want the Amore it has to give. I want it all, and I cant get it, but I sure will try. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Those that follow my rambles on here a lot will probably remember when I would be like "Its odd, but its almost like a religion at this point that the world is beautiful. I can't see it, but I saw it once and have held onto the belief that its there for so long" and honestly... I think I got out of it. When I was depressed - like really really depressed and suicidal - that beauty was really hard to see. It was pretty much impossible and really hard to even imagine, but I do remember that one time I had among all the bad where I could see it, and stuck with it più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Now Im here and Im so glad I made it here. The struggle is worth it. To undertake extreme pain, discomfort, and worsening suffering to help clear the dirty that darkened and hid the beauty of the world from me, its all worth it. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I still cant say I 100% feel the world is sicuro, cassetta di sicurezza and that the world is perfect, but for the latter, its natural and just reasonable and for the former, its a work in progress. più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Amen to that !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I honestly platonically Amore my roommate already XD Like... I think I will genuinely be able to have a strong genuine friendship with her, and it baffles me to actually have someone other than my boyfriend near me that actually likes me and that I will be able to hang out with.

I used to be a huge person for arguing that online Friends are just as real as irl Friends (and dont get me wrong, they are), but theres something so special and great about being able to actually be successivo to them postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
To regularly hear them, be da them, laugh with them, and in the end actually be able to have physical affection like hugs. Like... maybe its my affection depraved self, but just being able to hug someone and to trust them and all... Its like a level of experiencing in the friendship that is hard to get online unless maybe if te are frequently voice chatting and probably video chatting. più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
Eh più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
I can understand those feelings. They are only natural. I'm really glad to see te continue making progress and express yourself !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Be: *sprayed birds cos they liked it*

Me: *done* *sprays self twice*

Mom: Oh I can spray te if te go outside

Me: What? No! Stop treating me like a bird

Mom: *sprays me*

Me: ciao NO *subconsciously moving closer to make it easier*

Me: *sends up full on letting her spray me cos it feels nice*

Me: ... Im a literal bird postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
*Me not Be più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
Walmart: You’re not busy enough. We’re increasing how many orders te get per day”

Me: Yaaaaaay.... postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Phew. After about 2 weeks of working on a hand made birthday present for my boyfriend, I am FINALLY entirely done. Probably banked in like... six ora into the smaller parts and like... an ora o two into crafting the entire thing, like an ora shopping for parts, about $15 into buying parts, and I super glued my fingers together so like...

I think that last one shows how much effort I put into it. Super glue is horrible XD

8-9 total like.. focused hours XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
If I hear "You sound like youve been sexually abused" from my mom one più time, may it be relatively innocent o not, may she back out of it o not, Imma go ballistic.

Im pretty sure this time was mostly cos shes been watching too much Law and Order SVU and I was genuinely in a really over excessive narrow visioned hatred making it remind her of scenes she saw on there and probably being a regular commento so I didnt let it get to me too much after telling her how much I hate that line. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
But yeah she used to say it a lot ever since those dumb culo group therapists mentioned it after they saw me tear into them for forcing me to talk in front of my mom when they detto they wouldnt force me if I wasnt comfortable più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
Has everyone not yet figured out that I've isolated and taken the facial characteristics of every Danganronpa character in case I ever wanted to put them on things like frankenstein? postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
.... te have too much time on your hands più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
That's certainl intriguing... più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
Putting Chiaki's eyes on things is too much fun. postato più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
I'm mad. postato più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
*pout* più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
^ ''Welcome to our crazy world of madness'' !!!! più di un anno fa
GDragon612 commentato…
yupp welcome we sit all in the same barca ^^ più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
So Imma prolly try to do a normal Sims game with no cheating o anything. I randomized two characters. We have an artist for a dad with some other random traits and a zappa of a mom. The child will end up being the character I actually try to raise up properly. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
So my goal as parents is to make a not best standing for the kid starting to add to the challenge. Dad is the money maker with his artist career and the moms gonna be a cheating zappa XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
So the dads gonna be the one forced to actually be responsible for the kid and money for the most part XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Lets see how this goes più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Centuries have passed since I last played a Sims Game XD Seeing this, made me intrigued in it once again lol !!!! più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
Come on, Hajime. mostra us your cool side. postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Hajime has always been pretty cool !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Honestly, the più te deal with mental health, trauma, and a really shittily wired mind, the più te develop a tolerance for really lame and boring trolling that te cant escape tbh.

Cos like... its like a super annoying troll that knows all the things that can bother te and is really good at dressing up like something whose opinion actually matters and whispers (and sometimes shouts) the same things that they know could bother you

And te just sit there like... postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
link più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
0:10 più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
[this bacheca post was forgotten the secondo Riku came to write it so this is here da proxy] postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
So in the end, my goal is to have either an African Grey o Cockatoo from a rescue, my two Cockatiels, and a pigeon XD

Depending on how things go, I might get a Cockatoo and African Grey o maybe some other bird, but thats the plan for birds.

No one can tell me otherwise.

Id also like to have a bird room. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
One of the most amusing moments someone caught me doing is that one time when I was watching cockatoo video on my phone and it did one of those cute happy neck bounces, and then in response cos it made me happy and I found it cute, I did one as well XD

My boyfriend who was successivo to me just looked over and judged me XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Ill get to rating people tomorrow cos Im tired XD Long giorno since my boyfriends cat got euthanized postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Sorry to know about that. What I detto before about your Bird, nube, nuvola applies in here as well. Hope his Cat lived a contented life. Its memories will remain !!!! più di un anno fa
GDragon612 commentato…
sleep well Riku hun<3 più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
I can't describe it in words, but very often I find the wording choice used in Pandora Hearts to be something I kinda don't like...

Well..not that I don't like it but più that it feels off to me. postato più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
"But is it what te detto true" più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
That's an example. Pretty sure it's just minor issues with the translation I'm reading. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Oh yeah I noticed that too. Im pretty sure its translation errors and all, but they are minor so I kinda ignore it XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Wow I actually found an Anime that intrigues me.... I might actually watch it while Wantas working despite Leggere Pandora Hearts and watching Danganronpa postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
FUCK ITS ONGOING più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
I HATE LIFE XD I WONT BE INTERESTED da THE TIME ITS DONE più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Which one are te talking about? più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Happy Sugar Life più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
My dad is literally stupid and so ignorant AND arrogant. Like he constantly makes the most outlandish and/or obviously wrong statements / beliefs to explain why he is right, then comes up with outlandish arguments and proof that in themselves are completely wrong and when te prove him wrong he just ignores you.

He pulls so much bullshit out of his ass, but its like he doesnt even know it and is certain he is right. He believes FACTUALLY wrong things and gets annoyed when thats pointed out. postato più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
He sounds like my 10 anno old little sister più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I think nube, nuvola is getting better btw. postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
That's certainly great to know !!!! più di un anno fa
GDragon612 commentato…
thats good <3 più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
I felt Ribelle - The Brave so I browsed something from V3.

I think I'll relate to Maki Harukawa if the pattern from precedente Danganronpa stuff holds true. postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
^ I'm curious about that pattern. What exactly is it that gave te that idea? più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
Mikan più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
^ As I have told te before, I am pretty sure that Ouma is going to end up being your preferito in the new Cast. As for the Relatability, we'll see XD !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
ALSO. I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS BUT I WAS Leggere manga WITH LUCY AND HE RANDOMLY WALKED OFF OF ME, POOPED, THEN WALKED BACK ON.

HE MADE AN ACTIVE EFFORT NOT TO POOP ON ME postato più di un anno fa
wantadog detto …
💩 > Monaca postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Im just fawning over Vincent Nightray.

Its been a while since I fawned and its kinda nice XD A lot of my preferiti have been REALLY strong ones that get overwhelmingly obsessive and this one is just like ":3 I Amore Vincent. Look at my Vincent. Hes my favorite. I Amore Vincent." postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Id collect immagini but just collecting GIFs were risky enough of spoilers. At least Im like 60% done now. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
My Vincent più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
*10:30 PM*

Bird: *starts Canto randomly*

Me: *from her desk* ciao te ARE SLEEPING

Birds: *not a single peep for the successivo hour*

BTW their 'bed time' is at 9 PM XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
This random test Im taking on morality says Im strongly for "rational utilitarianism" postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Between a score of 1-5, I got a below average 2.5 on empathy and a barely above average disgust XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Lucy likes to sit on my butt postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Also I Amore Vincent too much postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Better now. Honestly though, hes a piece of crap. Not vindicitvie o aggressive o anything, but he is literally a piece of crap incapable of functioning as a human being himself and relies on his wife for everything, but at the same time treats the thing that he relies on like trash.

My mom isnt innocent either, but she god damn is the better of two evils. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
https://tinyurl.com/yb4wf7sz postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
^Mood più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
I'm sick rn so feel free to torture me all ya want. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Cos its not good for me to fester on my hatred for him o anything. Cos I know it can get out of hand più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
My dad makes me wish I was dead sometimes to be honest. Not like... suicide but like... really why the fuck was I born with this piece of shit as a father? What kind of responsible parent brings life into this piece of crap? postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
And its not really in a depressed way. Its più so in an annoyed way. più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Its less questioning it but più so factually stating that I shouldnt have been. Its not a bad thing about me, its just a fact. più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
^ Well, here's where I disagree. I'm glad about your Existence and wouldn't have it any other way. te still have a lot to live for !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Me: *does appointments once every week like MOST people with mental health have* *get bitched at and insulted until I give in and tell my therapist to go up to two weeks which I know is too long*

My Dad: *has back pain* *goes to chiropractor two times a week - same price as therapist* *thats okay* postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
inb4 Sims 5!

To obtain house building, please buy the "Construction" expansion pack for $60
To obtain personality traits, please buy the "Persona" expansion packs for $60
To obtain different types of windows, please buy the "Should have been in the game" stuff pack for $20

Old news and shit but EA can go to hell XD postato più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
We're still gonna play Sims 3 più tho and see te dive around dumpsters right? più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
My leg hair is long. I should shave it at some point when Im not too lazy postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
IM SO FUCKING TENSE.

I NEED something to do. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Ive done NOTHING particulalry productive o worth anything for an ora and its painful :v Just stupid video that arent even funny and stupid bingos più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Its only been an HOUR. This is what I mean da the fact I cant relax and do nothing. It kills me. più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
#Relatable !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Boredom makes me so uncomfortable, tense, anxious, and often causes me to start getting depressed.

Like ugh. postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Im like literally probably able to like crush a diamond in my hand with how tense I get più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
cause Im not d o i n g a n y t h i n g più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Same. Could never really stand boredom myself !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Has anyone ever had the feeling like their entire sense of stable identity and knowledge on one self shatters?

Its such an uncomfortable feeling and can probably send me into an internal panic if I dont catch myself within like... 5 secondi of the feeling initiating.

My mind passed the old "Wow, te almost dont have any signs of trauma. Must of been a lie te told yourself o an act te put on" thought through and ALMOST there for a secondo Lost it postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
Honestly Ive gotten a lot better at dealing with that stuff though XD I catch myself really quickly so its been.... a while since I fell for that - o well that one line at least. I fell for it like... a few weeks fa (? it feels like a mese fa but that cant be right) with my memory shit XD più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
I have to wonder... at one point does processing the past and working through things change into torture and simply più harm reminding myself of bad memories.

Cos its one of those very thin line I have to find with my mental health. At what point is it unnecessary distress and at what point is it healthy recognition?

Much like it took me a while to figure out if Scrivere my mental health journal was helping più than it was causing me to get obsessed o not. postato più di un anno fa
TheLefteris24 commentato…
Processing the past is an important step towards Improvement. Then again, te don't achieve any of your Life Goals in a day. Think of it like every other situation. Things require time. Work on yourself but don't overdo it. You'll learn to distinguish that line as long as te keep it up !!!! più di un anno fa
Riku114 detto …
Guys...

My digital hoarding is finally costing me money XD

I found a really good computer that has pretty much everything I want

Cept its like... a fourth of the memory Im used to cos it uses an SSD rather than an HHD XD

I cant part with my obsessive collections. I cant XD postato più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
So Imma buy a 1 TB HHD and install it into the new computer if I can convince my dad to get me this one I found XD più di un anno fa
wantadog commentato…
These days any computer that doesnt have both will fall far under the mark in terms of quality più di un anno fa
Riku114 commentato…
^Thanks for the info guys XD I already knew those things but much appreciated più di un anno fa