Chapter 28: Personal Demons (Nessie’s POV)
The past few days had been such a blur. First the terrifying fact that my best Friends was almost murdered. It was very emotional; although Seth continuously blamed himself I knew it was my fault. If it wasn’t for me she never would have met Seth and learned the truths of our worlds; the very truths that ended up costing Sienna her life. We all waited in my grandparent’s house restlessly. Seth sat in a corner looking very pale and withdrawn; the only person who could get through to him was Leah. I was off in my own world as well consumed da the guilt of what I had done to my friend. Jake and my parents were following me around clearly concerned. I didn’t want to hunt; I didn’t want to leave the house. My Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett were always in my grandfather’s study with Sienna, where she was laid out on a hospital letto my grandfather kept a close eye on her as well, but Aunt Rose never left her side. Not once for the entire 3 days did she leave Sienna. I had never seen my Aunt that worried, she didn’t hunt either and she refused the blood that my Uncle brought to her. She was too worried about Sienna to be bothered. My father was floored, “I have never seen Rosalie like this before,” he commentato quietly. My father and grandfather were questioning us about what happened trying to get a better understanding of who could have done this horrible thing to Sienna. “I don’t know dad, we were in the gym dancing and Sienna left to go to the bathroom. When I had noticed that she was gone for quite awhile we went looking for her. Seth found her shoe da the exit and when we got outside Leah came out of the woods to mostra us where she was.” Everyone turned to look at Leah who suddenly appeared very shy. “Tell us what happened, Leah,” my father gently urged her. “Well I was hunting and then I heard a girl screaming, as I got closer I picked up Sienna’s scent so I ran as fast as I could. da the time I got there she was laying under the albero just as saw. I smelled vampire immediately. Then I phased back and ran out to find Seth.” My grandfather looked at her thoughtfully, “Did te see anything?” She shook her head, “No whoever it was, got away very quickly.” My grandfather tried again, “Did te recognize the scent of this vampire?” She scrunched up her nose in protest, “No but, no offense te all have the same horrible smell. Do te walk around classifying all of our scents?” My father chuckled. I felt tears stinging my eyes and Jake squeezed my hand, “What is it Ness?” I shook my head willing the tears to stay inside, but it was no use they poured down my cheeks fiercely, I looked at him and sobbed, “so that’s it? We won’t know who did this?” Jake held me and rubbed my back, “Don’t worry Nessie we will figure it out. Everything is going to be alright.” I slid out from under the protection that his arm provided; it was security that I didn’t deserve, “No it is not alright. My best friend is upstairs in agony, she died because of me. I have stolen her soul, I have taken so many things from her that I will never be able to give back.” I turned to run out of the room I made it as far as the front porch but Jake was in front of me blocking me. He took me firmly da the shoulders and spoke to me sharply, “Renesmee Cullen, stop it. This is not your fault; it is no one’s fault. It s a terrible thing that happened but te did all that te could.” I collapsed as my body was wracked with grief, “I should have been there I should have been able to save her, it should have been me.” Jake caught me as I fell and picked me up like a baby, he sat down on the front steps and cradled me in his arms. We stayed like that for quite awhile; Jake’s arms tightly encircling me as he waited patiently. He occasionally kissed my forehead and whispered reassuringly into my ear as I wept into his chest. My tears containing all of pent up rage and regression at what I was not able to help my friend. His body shuddered due to the force of my sobs. We stayed like that for an untold amount of time, our bodies a team as he attempted to shield me from my insurmountable grief.
We must have fallen asleep like that. I wondered why no one had moved us. Perhaps my father was getting accustomed to the idea that we really would be together forever and that I was no longer a little girl. I smiled to myself as I looked up into Jake’s sleeping face. I was still in his lap with my head against his chest his strong arms around me while he rested his head against the railing of the porch. I had only seen him sleeping a few times before but I had never really looked at him. There was such a difference, like night and day. When awake, he was animated, alert and generally the protector; yet when sleeping his guard was down. His face smoothed over and peaceful with all of the seriousness and stress removed from it he looked like a little boy. I should have let him sleep but I couldn’t help it I gently kissed his nose and ruined it. He scrunched his nose up and then slowly opened his eyes up. Fist he looked confused and then when he saw that I was still in his arms he smiled at me, “Morning beautiful,” he detto huskily. I smiled and felt my cheeks flush, “good morning yourself,” I detto quietly. We sat like that for a moment longer, just enjoying our freedom. He looked at me with concern, “How are te feeling?” I looked at him in curiosity and then it all came rushing back to me and I felt sick to my stomach. Here I was perfectly happy when Sienna was going through so much; I needed to be with her. I quickly jumped up from his lap, “I have to go see her,” I started to walk off but he grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. “Remember what we talked about yesterday. Nothing is your fault te have been a very good friend to her. te have done all that te could and more, ok?” I looked back into his compassionate eyes and nodded although I didn’t fully believe it I had to let him think that I did. He smiled at me, “Now let’s see a smile, “I started to force one but the look on his face made me burst out laughing and his eyes lit up. ‘There’s the smile I have missed, I Amore you, princess.” I smiled back at him and brought my face closer to his, “I Amore te too, thank te for being there for me.” He gently held my face in his hands as he looked at me intently, “I will always be here for you,” he whispered. I brought my face closer to his and our lips gently found each other. I started baciare him so overpoweringly that he flinched back, “Ow, Nessie, easy.” I chuckled, “I’m sorry, I forgot how fragile the bid bad lupo was.” He shook his head at me, “I’ll mostra te fragile...” he growled he picked me up and leaned in towards me when we heard someone behind us, “Ahem.” We both looked up to see my father standing at the door with my Uncle Emmett. My father did not look impressed, but Uncle Emmett was grinning. Jake slowly put me down, and took my hand as we awaited our fate. “I think that I was extremely understanding last night, don’t you?” my father detto coolly. I looked at him with a bright smile, “Yes daddy, I do. Thank you.” He eyed Jake and I. “I understand that te two are getting serious and I am trying to get used to the idea, but I can only handle so much.” Jake started laughing and I punched his arm, “I’m sorry daddy.” His face relaxed a little when he noticed that I was back to my usual self. “I am glad to see te are feeling better we have been worried about you.” My Uncle came outside and walked up to me, “Sienna is starting to come to she as been asking to see the three of you.” He looked at me again this time all of the laughter left his face, “Nessie, stop blaming yourself, ok? Sometimes terrible things happen, but it will all work out in the end ok?” I smiled at him and gave him a hug then he turned to Jake, “Come on Romeo, oh and one più thing ease up on my niece ok? I don’t think my brother can handle this too well.” Jake rolled his eyes and looked at my father and Uncle, “Will te two relax. I Amore her as much as te do, I will not hurt her, I will not do anything to disrespect her and I will not rush her in anyway. Understood?” He took my hand and brushed past his stunned audience as we went inside to find Seth.
The past few days had been such a blur. First the terrifying fact that my best Friends was almost murdered. It was very emotional; although Seth continuously blamed himself I knew it was my fault. If it wasn’t for me she never would have met Seth and learned the truths of our worlds; the very truths that ended up costing Sienna her life. We all waited in my grandparent’s house restlessly. Seth sat in a corner looking very pale and withdrawn; the only person who could get through to him was Leah. I was off in my own world as well consumed da the guilt of what I had done to my friend. Jake and my parents were following me around clearly concerned. I didn’t want to hunt; I didn’t want to leave the house. My Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett were always in my grandfather’s study with Sienna, where she was laid out on a hospital letto my grandfather kept a close eye on her as well, but Aunt Rose never left her side. Not once for the entire 3 days did she leave Sienna. I had never seen my Aunt that worried, she didn’t hunt either and she refused the blood that my Uncle brought to her. She was too worried about Sienna to be bothered. My father was floored, “I have never seen Rosalie like this before,” he commentato quietly. My father and grandfather were questioning us about what happened trying to get a better understanding of who could have done this horrible thing to Sienna. “I don’t know dad, we were in the gym dancing and Sienna left to go to the bathroom. When I had noticed that she was gone for quite awhile we went looking for her. Seth found her shoe da the exit and when we got outside Leah came out of the woods to mostra us where she was.” Everyone turned to look at Leah who suddenly appeared very shy. “Tell us what happened, Leah,” my father gently urged her. “Well I was hunting and then I heard a girl screaming, as I got closer I picked up Sienna’s scent so I ran as fast as I could. da the time I got there she was laying under the albero just as saw. I smelled vampire immediately. Then I phased back and ran out to find Seth.” My grandfather looked at her thoughtfully, “Did te see anything?” She shook her head, “No whoever it was, got away very quickly.” My grandfather tried again, “Did te recognize the scent of this vampire?” She scrunched up her nose in protest, “No but, no offense te all have the same horrible smell. Do te walk around classifying all of our scents?” My father chuckled. I felt tears stinging my eyes and Jake squeezed my hand, “What is it Ness?” I shook my head willing the tears to stay inside, but it was no use they poured down my cheeks fiercely, I looked at him and sobbed, “so that’s it? We won’t know who did this?” Jake held me and rubbed my back, “Don’t worry Nessie we will figure it out. Everything is going to be alright.” I slid out from under the protection that his arm provided; it was security that I didn’t deserve, “No it is not alright. My best friend is upstairs in agony, she died because of me. I have stolen her soul, I have taken so many things from her that I will never be able to give back.” I turned to run out of the room I made it as far as the front porch but Jake was in front of me blocking me. He took me firmly da the shoulders and spoke to me sharply, “Renesmee Cullen, stop it. This is not your fault; it is no one’s fault. It s a terrible thing that happened but te did all that te could.” I collapsed as my body was wracked with grief, “I should have been there I should have been able to save her, it should have been me.” Jake caught me as I fell and picked me up like a baby, he sat down on the front steps and cradled me in his arms. We stayed like that for quite awhile; Jake’s arms tightly encircling me as he waited patiently. He occasionally kissed my forehead and whispered reassuringly into my ear as I wept into his chest. My tears containing all of pent up rage and regression at what I was not able to help my friend. His body shuddered due to the force of my sobs. We stayed like that for an untold amount of time, our bodies a team as he attempted to shield me from my insurmountable grief.
We must have fallen asleep like that. I wondered why no one had moved us. Perhaps my father was getting accustomed to the idea that we really would be together forever and that I was no longer a little girl. I smiled to myself as I looked up into Jake’s sleeping face. I was still in his lap with my head against his chest his strong arms around me while he rested his head against the railing of the porch. I had only seen him sleeping a few times before but I had never really looked at him. There was such a difference, like night and day. When awake, he was animated, alert and generally the protector; yet when sleeping his guard was down. His face smoothed over and peaceful with all of the seriousness and stress removed from it he looked like a little boy. I should have let him sleep but I couldn’t help it I gently kissed his nose and ruined it. He scrunched his nose up and then slowly opened his eyes up. Fist he looked confused and then when he saw that I was still in his arms he smiled at me, “Morning beautiful,” he detto huskily. I smiled and felt my cheeks flush, “good morning yourself,” I detto quietly. We sat like that for a moment longer, just enjoying our freedom. He looked at me with concern, “How are te feeling?” I looked at him in curiosity and then it all came rushing back to me and I felt sick to my stomach. Here I was perfectly happy when Sienna was going through so much; I needed to be with her. I quickly jumped up from his lap, “I have to go see her,” I started to walk off but he grabbed my arm and pulled me close to him. “Remember what we talked about yesterday. Nothing is your fault te have been a very good friend to her. te have done all that te could and more, ok?” I looked back into his compassionate eyes and nodded although I didn’t fully believe it I had to let him think that I did. He smiled at me, “Now let’s see a smile, “I started to force one but the look on his face made me burst out laughing and his eyes lit up. ‘There’s the smile I have missed, I Amore you, princess.” I smiled back at him and brought my face closer to his, “I Amore te too, thank te for being there for me.” He gently held my face in his hands as he looked at me intently, “I will always be here for you,” he whispered. I brought my face closer to his and our lips gently found each other. I started baciare him so overpoweringly that he flinched back, “Ow, Nessie, easy.” I chuckled, “I’m sorry, I forgot how fragile the bid bad lupo was.” He shook his head at me, “I’ll mostra te fragile...” he growled he picked me up and leaned in towards me when we heard someone behind us, “Ahem.” We both looked up to see my father standing at the door with my Uncle Emmett. My father did not look impressed, but Uncle Emmett was grinning. Jake slowly put me down, and took my hand as we awaited our fate. “I think that I was extremely understanding last night, don’t you?” my father detto coolly. I looked at him with a bright smile, “Yes daddy, I do. Thank you.” He eyed Jake and I. “I understand that te two are getting serious and I am trying to get used to the idea, but I can only handle so much.” Jake started laughing and I punched his arm, “I’m sorry daddy.” His face relaxed a little when he noticed that I was back to my usual self. “I am glad to see te are feeling better we have been worried about you.” My Uncle came outside and walked up to me, “Sienna is starting to come to she as been asking to see the three of you.” He looked at me again this time all of the laughter left his face, “Nessie, stop blaming yourself, ok? Sometimes terrible things happen, but it will all work out in the end ok?” I smiled at him and gave him a hug then he turned to Jake, “Come on Romeo, oh and one più thing ease up on my niece ok? I don’t think my brother can handle this too well.” Jake rolled his eyes and looked at my father and Uncle, “Will te two relax. I Amore her as much as te do, I will not hurt her, I will not do anything to disrespect her and I will not rush her in anyway. Understood?” He took my hand and brushed past his stunned audience as we went inside to find Seth.
