It's funny how 90 people get the swine flu and everyone wears a face mask, but over a million people get aids and no one wears a condomb

Why did Cinderella get kicked out of DisneyLand? She sat on Pinocchio's face and said "lie to me", "tell the truth", "lie to me", "tell the truth".

-"Can I have a coke?"
"Is Pepsi okay?"
"I don't know, is monopoly money okay?"

Why do cleaning products have masculine names like Mr. Clean, when women do most of the work?

Sometimes I just want to reach out and touch someone...with a 2x4.

-People say things happen for a reason. So when I hit you upside the head, remember that I had a reason.

McDonalds is making a deep-fried pickle covered in a batter...they are going to call it the Mc DillDough

I'm getting the popcorn ready to watch karma bite you in the ass. It should be a good show.