Manatees are sweeter than te Club
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Hi all! It's been a while since my last articolo on manatees...that's because I've been on a world class manatee expedition and I HAVE BREAKING NEWS TO SHARE!

Readers of my column will be the first to learn of this breaking research discovery: the captain of the research team I was part of is... AN EXACT COPY OF EDWARD CULLEN!!! Oh my gosh...he was so CUTE!!! If he was a hungry vampire I'd gladly let him bite me!

I'd write him notes like: "Do te like me? Check 'yes' o 'no'" but he wouldn't reply. I guess he's shy.

Anyway we didn't see any manatees because they were hibernating in the Bahamas but the time spent with my Edward Cullen look-alike didn't go to waste: I realized that the "Twilight" series dark hero has teeth similar to those of a manatee so I'm able to justify the time spent on "research".
They're big. They're cute. And they're gassy.

This is a story of a gassy manatee named Gary whose flatulence is creating an enviromental nightmare.

That's because every time Gary passes gas hundreds of CEO's from natural gas companies flock together and try to capture the valuable methane in efforts to resell it to an energy-starved nation.

"It's like Gary farts gold," detto one CEO of a natural gas company in Detroit.

It's not the gas that Gary passes that's as much of a concern as all the hot air that comes from the CEO's as they spout-off myths about the need for più natural gas exploration.
posted by candyfreak1109
Yep. te betcha. Manatees are British. Just think about it:
1. Their name gives it away: "Man-a-tee" o "a man who drinks tea" o "British dude". It's clever the way they tried to fool us but we caught on pretty gosh darn quick.
2. They have big British guys.
3. They sposta British guys leaving the buffet line at a "biscuits and crumpets" all-you-can eat diner.
4. They pass gas when te tug on their fingers...if they had any. Like British guys. They don't have fingers. Just "mittens".
5. When they drive their cars and pull into a gas station they say "Bloody well clean me...
continue reading...
posted by candyfreak1109
Like any mammal that's sensitive, kind and loving the manatee is subject to addiction.

And like ragno monkeys they are addicted to Tab.

Not the citrus goodness of Fresca. But the cola sweetness of Tab.

And yes, they still make the stuff.

An icona from the 70’s, Tab is big stuff with manatees. te can spot addicted manatees because their belches smell like Tab and they wear campana, bell bottom jeans. They also like the
”Twilight” book series.

So successivo time you’re walking in the park and the sun sets be sure you’re not walking successivo to a salt water lake with a can of Tab.

te might get boogie-oogied out of it da a 1200 lb fish.
added by candyfreak1109
Amore them <3