posted by windwakerguy430
Well, everyone, we finally reached the 200th article. Can te believe it. Over 199 articoli and one whole anno later, and we have done so much to do with this series. So, what can I do for te guys to celebrate this 200th articolo and one anno anniversary? Simple. I will review a movie. Yeah, crazy isn’t it. I have NEVER reviewed a movie before in this series, but, for te guys, I am going to make the first movie review for te guys. So, what film am I going to review for te guys? Well, how about Where the Dead Go to Die… Oooohh…. shit. So, before I review this movie, I need to tell te that this was a movie that I actually bought on Blu-Ray for $40 online. Why? Because I couldn’t find a video of it online. Yeah, I am actually paying money just so I can review stuff for te guys. Now, this is an independent movie, and it is rated R for nudity, strong language, blood and gore, and a bunch of disturbing shit in it… Uh, okay. Now, I have been told that this movie is real bad. And I mean REAL bad. So bad in fact, that the Youtube reviewer, TheMysteriousMrEnter, refused to review this movie. So, yeah, I am going to review it… I am either real Ribelle - The Brave o the biggest fucking idiot alive, but, here we go.
So, it starts off with THE WORST animazione I HAVE EVER SEEN! I mean, Gesù Christ, I have seen GoAnimate video that have better animazione than this. This sort of animazione makes Dusk’s Dawn look like The fucking Iron Giant compared to this. Oh, but, the animazione doesn’t even compare to the voice acting. It’s like the director took every bad actor in the world and brought them all here just so he could make the movie as shitty as possible. And, just to mix it with the bad animation, the lip sinking is terrible. Worse than 80’s English dubs to anime. I mean, we haven’t even started looking into the story, and already, I’m having secondo thoughts on reviewing this film.
So, we start our film off with Tommy, who is wondering where bambini come from, since his mother is pregnant. Of course, we see that his mother and father have issues… only to be completely ignored for the rest of the movie. So, why was this domanda ever even asked. So, Tommy walks outside, to where he meets this dog. Yes, he instantly meets a dog. And no, not just any dog, but a demon dog named Labby. Where the fuck did he come from? There was no build up, no suspense, no nothing. If te are going to mostra something like him, then try to at least have SOME build up. And, guess what, this fucking thing is in the movie for the rest of the viewing period… Yeah, I’m scared too, everyone.
So, Labby begins talking. And, I swear to god, he has the worst voice recitazione out of everyone else in the entire movie. He is always stopping in the middle of his sentences, and is always repeating the last two o three words he detto for no goddamn reason. Remember people, he’s staying here for the rest of the movie. If te weren’t scared before, I bet te are now. So, Labby tells Tommy that his brother is the anti-Christ and that he needs to die. So, why is this baby the Anti-Christ… Everyone, te might wanna put something on your hands to keep them from moving, because te are going to schiaffo, smack your face so hard, te will bruise it. The reason this baby is the Anti-Christ is because when the first child is born, they can only drink… Oh, god… They can only drink breast latte until it becomes tainted, and da that point, all the other bambini are evil. So, what you’re saying is that breast latte is only good for one baby, and then after that, all of the other bambini are evil… THERE ARE SO MANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS ONE THING ALONE! First off, if that is the case, then why is this one specific baby the Anti-Christ. Secondly, how does breast latte even become tainted. And finally, haven’t te ever heard of a grocery store? They sell perfectly fine latte there.
So, Tommy and Labby go into their parents room, and Labby then jumps onto the bed, reaches into the mother’s birth canal, and tears the unborn fetus out… Uh… Oh, god. Why? …. Just why… I can’t get mad. I’m just disgusted. I’m disgusted at the fact that someone actually thought this would be a good idea to put into a film. I mean, te actually get to see a fetus torn out of a woman’s birth canal and then thrown onto the floor. Oh, and just for all te men out there, this movie makes me want to vomit more, because the dog then tears off the father’s penis. Why? Because it was the reason the baby was evil? I thought it was tainted breast milk. CAN THIS DOG MAKE UP IT’S FUCKING MIND ALREADY?! Also, Labby told Tommy that they BOTH had to kill their parents, yet Tommy just watches as Labby kills his parents. Labby did not at all have to tell Tommy to help, so that whole conversation at the beginning was completely fucking pointless. Get used to pointless scenes, people. This movie is filled with them.
So, once that… disgusting scene is over with, we get to see… some guy who never appears again in the film, just to mostra us a crucified Gesù with a sun for a head. Why is it mostrare us a crucified Gesù with a sun for a head? Because the creator of this movie thinks he can get away with whatever he wants and that people will enjoy it… Does it look like I’m enjoying this piece of shit? So, Labby then comes back and tells Tommy that he can actually bring Tommy’s parents back if he does one thing… te think it’s going to be something a sane person would do? Of course not. Labby says that Tommy need to perform anal sex with him while he has intercourse with his mother’s dead body… I mean, just what the fuck. Who, in their right mind, thought that a boy having anal sex with a dog, while the dog had sex with the corpse of the boys dead mother was something to put in a film. I mean dead fucking god. Not even Passion of the Christ, The Exorcist, and A Clockwork arancia, arancio pushed the boundaries as much as this piece of shit. So, after that, Labby disappears, and Tommy waits for his parents to come back to life… And, if te know anything about sex addicted assholes who kill a persons whole family in front of their eyes, te would know that Labby was a lying piece of shit and just left Tommy there. Wow, I sense the worst character in film history ever.
So, we then cut to the successivo chapter… Yeah, this movie has chapters. I do not know why, it just does. So, Tommy is sitting at a well, when, Mr. Who-The-Fuck-Are-You comes by. I am not kidding, there is a guy who comes the fuck out of nowhere, and just stays in the film for the remainder of the movie. Why in the name of fuckery is there a guy that comes out of nowhere and just stays in the movie? That is just lazy as fuck writing. Then again, was there anything that wasn’t written lazily in this whole movie. Oh, and if that wasn’t bad enough, we actually cut to this guys story. So, a character who was just forced into the story is getting a story… WRITERS, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AND WRITE SOMETHING!!!
So, this guy, who honestly does not have a name, tells us that he found out that, there is a gland in your brain that actually holds the memories, and that there is a way to extract it. So, this guy goes around killing people, steals their memories, and injects those memories into his brain so he can modifica his own memories… What kind of fucking drugs were the writers on when they made this movies? te know what, I actually think they were on EVERY possible drug. This chapter does NOTHING for the story. It doesn’t add anything to the plot, it doesn’t introduce anything new, it doesn’t tell us anything we should know, it doesn’t sposta the story along, and it is just a major waste of time. This entire chapter is nothing più than one big fat piece of filler…. oh, sorry, I mean shit.
So, after this psychopath talks to us, we cut to a prostitute, who is with a man with metal rods for legs, and she begins to… I can’t believe I’m saying this. She begins to jerk off his metal rod legs… Why is this a thing? Why did someone put this in a movie? Why did someone spend money for animazione just for this? Why am I still watching this horseshit of a movie. Then, for no fucking reason at all, we cut to this guy having a flashback from when he was in the war. Who was the opposing army, te may ask? Well… would te believe me if I detto it was soldiers with biscotti, cookie for heads? No? Well, too bad, because that is exactly who the enemies are. This is never mentioned again, and this entire scene was completely pointless. So, the guy then sees that the prostitute has a biscotti, cookie for a head, and he then sticks his thumb into her eye. Remember people, money went into the animazione for this piece of shit. So, the prostitute then stabs the guy with a broken bottle in the neck and kills him and tries to leave. However, once she opens the door, she sees a set of tentacles… Oh, god, please don’t tell me we’re going into hentai territory. Thankfully, she doesn’t get tentacle raped… or, not thankfully, since we are still watching this movie (I’ll let te decide if its good o not), and she is then dragged to the psychotic killer guy… Yeah, like I said, he has no name.
She then tells him that she is in trouble. Lady, I know te just Lost your eye, but is talking to a man covered in blood who te were dragged to da tentacles really the best person to talk to? The psychopath then takes a coltello and cuts her throat open, and then begins to steal her memories. However, once he does, he ends up in a place that I can only describe it as LSD Land. There are tentacles coming out of houses, the sky is purples, there are floating faces everywhere, and everyone has super realistic eyes for faces. Why is this here? I would say to shock people, but, after we saw fetuses getting killed, and necrophilia and bestiality at the same time, there is very little this movie can do now with trying to shock us. Hell, after that, this fucked up looking land is like an average giorno at the park, if te ask me. Sadly, though, we are pulled back into the Mind Fuckery, as we are then introduced to siamese twins having sex with più siamese twins… Why is it mostrare me this? Just why? This is just so fucked up. And then we get to see the killer without arms o legs and he has Angel wings… Okay, seriously, the creator of this film BADLY needs to go to rehab, because this shit is starting to make Hannibal Lector and the Joker look normal.
So, the killer wakes up… only to see a naked women pleasuring herself, while underneath her is the face of an infant that is vomiting up blood… Oh, my fucking god… How in the name God did this actually get passed the guys who put a rating on this film, LET ALONE GET PUT ON BLU-RAY! And if that wasn’t bad enough, this is just the thing your eye’s first focus on. Once your eyes focus on the background, this will make Clockwork arancia, arancio look like a documentary about bunnies. There is a shit load of people having sex in the background, while the sky just turns black, realistic eyes blink back and forth, and tentacles flop around like fucking fish. Did the creator just go into an insane asylum and asked the most mentally unstable patients about what they were seeing right now and thought it would be a good idea for a film, because that is EXACTLY how I think this movie was made.
So, Labby comes back. Oh, joy, I was REALLY fucking hoping to see te again, asshole- I mean, Labby. But, this time, Labby has a human face and is walking on his hind legs. Well, there are my nightmares for the successivo few weeks. So, after that, the killer shoots himself in the head and dies. I guess he had just about enough of the film as we all do. Also, there is a floating eye octopus. I don’t fucking know why, it’s just there.
So, the chapter ends right there, and we cut to what is easily the worst out of all of them. Yes, worse than the necrophilia bestiality fetus killing chapter and worse than the LSD trainwreck. So, it starts with mostrare us a siamese twin, and after the last chapter, I am not looking inoltrare, avanti to what the creator has in mind for them. The twins names are Ralph and… well, the creators only gave a shit about one. Ralph then falls through a hole, that came LITERALLY the fuck out of nowhere, and he falls into what I am guessing is the creator's mind. In other words, Hell. Oh, and I do NOT advise anyone to watch this certain scene, as there are flashing lights everywhere. Thanks for giving some people seizures, asshole.
So, when Ralph is at the cena table, his parents begin to insult him, because he is not being able to feed his brother. Oh, like te bastards are trying hard. So, yeah, Ralph has asshole parents. However, he then tells us that he is in Amore with a girl named Sophie, and this is where the movie gets REALLY disgusting. Yes, believe it o not, this movie can get even più fucking disturbing. I didn’t think it was possible, but it happened. I just hope that te guys don’t try to get this review deleted for this kind of shit.
So, Ralph thinks that he should meet Sophie’s dad, so that way, he’ll like him. So, Ralph goes over to his house and starts talking to the dad. However, Sophie’s dad tells Ralph that she is famous and holds up a video tapes and sells it to Ralph… Oh my god. They didn’t. They fucking di- ...Okay, they showed a fetus getting killed, and they showed a drug trip. Of course they are going THIS low. So, Ralph watches the tape, and, guess what, it shows clips of Sophie getting raped da her dad. Yes, they are actually going to mostra us child pornography in this film. We have actually gotten THAT low people. So, Ralph takes the tape back and says how it was wrong, because Sophie was crying. However, her dad says that she was only crying because it wasn’t Ralph who was having sex with he- WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS OKAY! Seriously. No, fuck it. FUCK IT! I will not let this movie ruin me. I let it happen once. I will NOT let it happen again. I will finish this movie. This movie must be reviewed to the very end, no matter what.
So, the father gives Ralph the tape and tells him to watch it again. Ralph watches it, and he begins masturbating to it. I have no idea why he is doing it now. It’s just fucking gross. His dad then walks in and tells him not to, because it is also his brothers penis o some shit and says how he doesn’t want his son to be a homosexual… Yeah, yeah, fuck te too, man. Glad to see te are still treating your son badly like the piece of shit te are. And if that wasn’t bad enough, Sophie’s dad is so angry about the complaint that Ralph gave, that her father actually makes her dangle on a chain da her face. Dear god. Is there ANY likable parents in this film. Why are all the parents heartless monsters.
So, Ralph is staring down a well, and that is when Labby come and pushes him down a well… why does he do this? Well, do te honestly think the writers give a shit about explaining anything da this point? And Ralph is then back in that LSD nightmare again. And, for no fucking reason at all, both Ralph and Sophie end up in a garden. What? How? Why? There are just so many fucking domande here, but, there is no point asking them, because I know the writers aren’t gonna give me any answers, so why do I care da this point? So, Sophie then says that this is the happiest giorno of her life, and Ralph just… goes home… I don’t know why. And then he gets beaten and abused da his parents. te know, if Labby wanted to kill anyones parents, why not these monsters? They obviously deserve it. And, guess what? We get to see più random BULSHIT! Yep, we get to see all those messed up immagini again… Oh, and then there is a full animated erect penis… I detto I would review this movie to the end… but it’s shit like that that makes it difficult. Oh, and then a woman screams SO loud, that I actually got a headache hearing it. I am not kidding. I was afraid I was gonna go deaf. Can’t the writers at least check to see if their audio is perfectly fine before calling it their finished product.
So, Ralph has had about enough and shoots and kills his dad. If this is supposed to freak me out, all I can feel is complete joy that a heartless monster is dead. If only all assholes in the fanfics I reviewed could die just as easily. So, the successivo day, Ralph goes over to Sophie’s house and meets her dad. Please tell me he’s next. But, nope, instead, he forces Ralph and Sophie to have underaged sex while he films them. Oh… oh god… I can literally feel myself losing hope for human existence… this film is actually making me lose hope in humanity. After years of discovery and expanding the earth and how man used the world around them to create new technology, all lead up… to this movie….. Yep, that does it. I have Lost all respect for the human race. Better mostra this to the government so they can understand why we need to send the nuclear missiles to everywhere, because earth does not deserve to live if shit like this is allowed to be a movie… Sorry, kinda got off topic there for a moment.
So, after that… well, THAT, we then cut back to Tommy. Yeah, the kid from the beginning of the movie is back, and he is talking to a well… Did the movie finally break his sanity too? However, it is shown that the thing inside the well is… Sophie…. Yeah, that thing that was just mentioned JUST now s actually Sophie… te have no idea how long of a pause I had to take because of this one scene. I mean, I did that a lot with this movie, but, THIS! Jesus, this was easily one of the stupidest Scrivere decisions of the whole movie. Why try to make a twist now. It is just so pointless da this point in the movie. I mean, dear god, The Room had better Scrivere decisions then this. Hell, this movie makes The Room look fucking oscar worthy. How can te make a movie THAT bad. Well, Where the Dead Go to Die pulled it off. Congratu-fucking-lations.
So, we cut back to Ralph, who is going home, and he see’s his father. Wait, I thought he died. How is he alive again? He is now watching the sex tape of Ralph and Sophie, and he then admits to actually having sex with Sophie. STOP WITH ALL THESE DISGUSTING AND AWFUL PLOT TWISTS! THEY MAKE NO SENSE AND THEY ARE JUST FUCKING STUPID!!! So, Ralph then beats his father to death… He is dead this time, right? And then he goes and shoots his mother… Seriously, his dad is actually dead this time right? We then cut to Sophie’s house, where Ralph then goes in and shoots her father in the head. Then, Labby comes in. Not te again. He tells Ralph that he is proud of him, but he needs to kill one più person. Labby tells Ralph that he has to kill his siamese twin. Um, isn’t there also the possibility that Ralph will end up the one who dies while his siamese twin survives… te obviously didn’t think this through, now did you, Ralph. But, nope, Ralph cuts his siamese twin off of his body, which kills his siamese twin, and Ralph then goes over to Sophie, who is dead. Um… how did she die. EXPLAIN MOVIE!!! …. oh, that’s right, te never do. So, the movie ends with a titolo that says Directed, Animated, and Written da Jimmy “Screamer” Clause. Well, that’s good.. BECAUSE NOW I KNOW WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PIECE OF SHIT!
Wow. Fucking wow. I can not believe something this fucking terrible was allowed to be put on film. It has godawful animation, terrible voice acting, a horribly written story, and più shocking visuals than any sane man could ever think of. And, like I said, I bought this movie for $40 on blu-ray. This guy is actually selling this piece of shit FOR MONEY! And I actually supported this guy, letting him rob me of this film. But, te wanna know what the worst part is. The most insulting thing about this movie? All of the necrophilia, bestiality, infant murders, parent murders, every kind of murder, drug trips, nudity, mutilation, hyperrealism, insulting religion, child abuse, child pornography, and all the most disgusting shit imaginable… the creator actually detto that this film was meant to be…. a comedy……… a comedy……………. A COMEDY! ARE te FUCKING SERIOUS! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD FIND ANY OF THIS FUNNY! WHO WOULD LAUGH AT THIS!? CHARLES MANSON!? WELL, WRITERS, I HOPE te ENJOYED MINDFUCKING EVERYONE! WAS IT WORTH IT! WAS IT WORTH IT TAKING PEOPLE HARD EARNED MONEY JUST SO te COULD RELEASE THIS PIECE OF SHIT! WELL, I FUCKING HOPE YOUR PROUD OF YOURSELVES! ….. Sorry about that… this movie just really angered me beyond any sort of way… but, the thing is, that, out of all of the things I have reviewed, I never really looked for anything good to review… maybe successivo time, I may be able to review something good. Hell, hopefully I will be able to have all of the successivo hundred What’s Your Takes just be about good fanfictions and fan videos… God, I hope so… So, guys, I hope te all enjoyed this 200th articolo special. And, I will see te in the successivo review. But before I go, that’s only my opinion. What’s Your Take.