Is this a good beginning to a book?

I'm doing this from out of boredom, and I'm wondering if it sounds any good. No, it'snot just 1 chapter, it's apart of a chapter.




My cuore was racing faster than it ever had. My feet couldn't keep up with it's pace. Soreness ran through my legs, begging me to stop and die. But I couldn't. Throbbing, my head lurches in front of my whole body as I almost stumble towards the ground, twisting my foot and running again. The tears falling from my eyes remind me of the dryness in my throat. I try taking deep breaths as I make stuttering noises. Branches hot my legs, smacking my face and watching me from behind and up front. Taking a risk right now isn't going to be easy, and I might be risking my soul, my fate, my destiny, but I didn't have a chance. I threw myself into the river as my right leg scraped itself against a rock. When I came back up a bloody scream came from my mouth. Salt tears filled the freshwater river. I climbed up to land and tried to calm myself down, but the pain from my leg lurched into my side, releasing red blood that had once still been inside of me. I looked up and saw nothing, as something was once behind me. I grabbed a tree, trying to retain balance. My struggling was louder than any noise that came out of my mouth, once again,wet, from the fresh water I had accidentally let seep in through the crack of my teeth. My long, black hair hung over my face and shoulders, reminding me of what a ugly hair color I had. The throbbing in my head reminded me of what great pain I had encountered when I thought I could climb a tree, but had fallen not even half way up. Picking up a big stick, I limped on home, awaiting the comfort the warmth had always greeted me when I got back. I looked over my shoulder and saw only fog,and a trail of my red blood, following me all the way back home.
 CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
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ErnieHannah333 said:
Yeah, I'd say that's pretty good. It gets my attention and I'd like to see what happens next.
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posted più di un anno fa 
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thanks :)
CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
Elle-C said:
Without a moments hesitation I say, yes, you've penned a beyond good, deliciously descriptive beginning, love!

Your story is so solidly and immediately entertaining...I was actually startled da how quicky I was drawn in. I was honestly fully engaged da the secondo sentence! I kept wondering whether the narrator was in pursuit of something, o if something was pursuing the narrator.

I truly enjoyed this small, but sensational sample of your writing. In fact, I'm very eager for the successivo installment. My only complaint is that te haven't let me know where I may continue reading!

Well done winsome writer...well done. ❤
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posted più di un anno fa 
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Thank you. These type of commenti help me a lot with having the courage to go on.
CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
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Hello, again. My story will be progressing through out the month. I can message te with new chapters if te would like.
CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
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You're most welcome! Please do continue...and please let me know when new chapters become available! :o)
Elle-C posted più di un anno fa
darange said:
its really detailed and If it were a published story i would definitely read more
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posted più di un anno fa 
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I'm going to try to write a whole book ^^ Thank te
CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
Book-Freak said:
I think it is good, and has potential to be excellent. I would really like to know what happens next. However, do te mind if I post some criticism? (I'll add a commento o send a private message, up to te :])
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posted più di un anno fa 
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That's fine.
CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
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Message is okay.
CrystalNeons posted più di un anno fa
raraboom said:
it's a very good start,i like it,(maybe i should make a book too)
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posted più di un anno fa 
laura199627 said:
Yeah, It has suspense and mystery and it sounds interesting.
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posted più di un anno fa 
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