I'm Scrivere a Novel and I Want to Know if its Written Well o Do I Need Changes?

Darkwing: The Tale of a Bat and the Destiny

Chapter 1

The moonlight shone throughout the forest, catching a glimpse of the trees and their shadows. The bats flew around the night sky catching prey and whatnot. A little bat sat on the branch watching all of the other bats; his tiny tuffs of hair covering his right eye and his pelliccia flowing with the gentle breeze. A beautiful, slightly large bat bigger than all the others, flew over to the little bat and she spoke in a gentle tone.

“Darkwing”

“Yes mother?”

“Hello my son, do te see all of these bats before te flying and out on their hunt?”

“Why yes I do”

“You will one giorno fly among them, spreading those beautiful wings of yours. Putting fear into enemies’ eyes as they take a look at you. They’ll cower into hiding….you will make us proud, all of us” She took a gentle glimpse of her little son who looked at her with his gorgeous red eyes.

“I understand, I hope that one giorno I will fly among the other bats and go on hunts” He squeaked happily, his mother had chuckled a bit before wrapping her large wings around him, he too wrapping his wings around his mother.

“I Amore you, my son”

“I Amore te too mother, will te always be with me?”

“No my dear, there will be one giorno that I will have to pass and go up to heaven but that is far from now sweetheart, for as long as te grow, I’ll be here da your side” She kissed the superiore, in alto of his head lightly, then looking into his eyes.

“Did te finish your dinner?”

“I have mother”

“Have te cleaned yourself?”

“I have mother”

“That’s my good boy” She nuzzled him before leaving the branch on which he sat. She joined the group of bats as Darkwing watched her go. He heard something in the distance as his ears perked up, he curiously crawled over the branch
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I postato the WHOLE first chapter buut it came out as half >_< Oh well =P
16falloutboy posted più di un anno fa
 16falloutboy posted più di un anno fa
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random Risposte

misscrazel said:
Yea I like it.
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posted più di un anno fa 
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:))
16falloutboy posted più di un anno fa
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It's better than some published books.
misscrazel posted più di un anno fa
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Cool!
misscrazel posted più di un anno fa
Seastar4374 said:
I like it so far, its good c:
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posted più di un anno fa 
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Thanks Rochelle :))
16falloutboy posted più di un anno fa
Sylvia_Puffin said:
Well done, fellow writer.

I can tell te that te do need a little work, but hey, everyone does. te are clearly as writer, and I think te could definitely get published. I would recommend a little rewriting; te pick things up in the Scrivere process and usually need to go back and revise. But it's really good. :D
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posted più di un anno fa 
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Thank te very much ^.^ I'm glad how the story came out :)) I'll revise and rewrite the story as te recommend :) I recently started getting into Scrivere and I enjoy it dearly :3
16falloutboy posted più di un anno fa
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That's cool. I can tell te that you're a much better writer than I was when I started.
Sylvia_Puffin posted più di un anno fa
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Yeah it is. Well practice makes perfect ^.^ Everyone gets better as they learn. I like to read stories other people wrote to learn how to build up sentences and the right wording. Sometimes its hard for me to come up with like titles and great main ideas.
16falloutboy posted più di un anno fa
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