What's the weirdest thing your friend threatened to do to you? (Joking and not.)

For me was when Alex came to my house and let himself in. I was on my letto Leggere Yaoi magazines, and he said, "Skippy, keep Leggere that kind of stuff and I will have to molest te with a fork." I laughed so hard I cried. We got together last anno and it's been the weirdest and best anno of my life so far. Besides when we got a dog, but...