Oh i have a few
1.A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation.
2.Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed
3.The other truck drivers discovered that he had been wearing French perfume - it was lorry hell.
4.My friend gave me a book about puns for my birthday and I loved it. It was two meaningful.
5.Pythons go to great lengths to kill their prey.

I'll quote Harry Potter for the hex of it.

A burglar robbed a bank. He went straight home and started sawing the legs off his bed. When his wife asked what he was doing, he said, "I want to lay low for a while."

I like all Harry Potter puns, whether they're Sirius or Riddikulus.

A blonde and a brunette are in a bar, talking. The brunette says, "I had sex with a Brazilian last night." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You are such a slut! How many is a Brazilian?"

(This next one is a Three Stooges bit)
-Are you sure?
-I'm positive.
-You know, only fools are positive.
-Are you sure?
-I'm positive.

Two men escaped from prison. One is six-two and the other is four-seven. The police are searching high and low for them.

-I once met a man with one leg named Smith.
-What was his other leg named?

I am to sirius to be here.

Everyday Im dumblin'

A man driving down the road ran over a cat. He goes up to the owner of the cat and says, "Ma'am, I just ran ove your cat and I'd like to replace it." The woman looks him in the eye and replies, "How well do you catch mice?"

-What do cows read their kids at night?
-Dairy tales.

Somebody broke into my house last night. They stole my dictionary, my thesaurus, and my encyclopedia. Now I'm at a loss for words.

Lily can Slytherin onto the planet of the Snapes where we're all just Rowling in the deep. We're so Sirius it's riddikulus, relaking on Barty couch Jr, and we got 99 problems but a snitch ain't one.

-Will the band play anything I ask them to?
-Certainly.
-Well ask them to play chess.

-Can you sing tenor?
-Tenor?
-Ten or twenty miles away.

-Do you know by the window?
-No.
-Well, stand over there and I'll help you out.

How do you 'top a truck? You 'tep on the brake, 'tupid.

A man asks who's cheese that is on the table. Another man says "Nacho cheese!"

-I had a fall last night that left me unconscious for eight hours.
-That's terrible! Where did you fall?
-I fell asleep.

Diapers and politicians should be changed frequently and for the same reason.

-How do you spell "blind pig"?
-b-l-i-n-d p-i-g
-No, it's b-l-n-d p-g. With two eyes he wouldn't be blind.

Man: *standing in the middle of the road, sounds frantic* What's the fastest way to the hospital?
Other Man: *calmly* Just stay right where you are…

That girl reminds me of Paul Revere's ride: she's a little light in the belfry.