NOTE: This piece is written in the form of a script. It's rated T for language only. Mr. Garrison speaks for Mr. Hat. Kenny's lines are parenthesized to indicate that they are muffled. This story takes place when the kids are in the third grade.
The episode starts with the typical shot of South Park Elementary. Inside, the third grade class is crowded around Kenny's desk. He's drinking something out of a small can.
CLASS: Chug! Chug! Chug!
Mr. Garrison walks into the room.
MR. GARRISON: Okay kids, take your seats.
The class ignores him and continues.
CLASS: Chug! Chug!...