Here are 20 essential things I've learned from Homer Simpson. I've included the names and dates of the original "Simpsons" episodes when it was easy to find them. When it wasn't, I didn't.
Just like Homer would do.
1. If te go to a Japanese restaurant and order that delicacy, the blowfish ... and if the blowfish is not prepared exactly right ... it becomes poisonous and te die 24 hours after eating it. ("One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish," 1991.) I don't know if this is actually true, but it was on a TV cartoon show, so that's good enough for me.
2. te can goof off as much as te want at work and you'll never get fired. This is especially true if te work at a nuclear plant.
3. The best way to discipline an unruly child is to grab him da the neck while shouting, "Why, te little - !"
4. "When te participate in sporting events, it's not whether te win o lose, it's how drunk te get."
5. "Trying is the first step toward failure." This quote is on a Homer refrigerator magnet I found a long time ago. It replaced another refrigerator magnet I had that said, "Today is the first giorno of the rest of your life." Yeah, right, Mister Rogers.
6. Being a vegetarian is the healthiest way to live, but it's just too hard. Homer: "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"
7. And on a related issue: "All normal people Amore meat. ... te don't win Friends with salad."
8. It's fine to wear the same white camicia and blue pants every giorno of your life. Because people mostly recognize te da your clothes.
9. If te make a mistake, any kind of mistake, just exclaim "D'oh!" and everyone will forgive you. This is especially true if te work at a nuclear plant.
10. "Facts are meaningless. te could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" (This one is also on a refrigerator magnet. The greatest truths fit perfectly on a Frigidaire door.)
11. If te have a holier-than-thou neighbor such as Ned Flanders, he's not necessarily a better man than te are. He's just a lot più likely to go to heaven than te are.
12. "It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." ("Colonel Homer," 1992)
13. It's groups such as the Masons that secretly keep the metric system from taking over America the way it has taken over those European countries where people drive on "autobahns" and drink "schnapps" and have "free health care." ("Homer the Great," 1995)
14. Rio de Janeiro is filled with wild monkeys, big rats, larcenous orphans and dangerous cabbies, as documented in the 2002 episode "Blame it on Lisa." (Rio's tourism board threatened to sue, and the "Simpsons" producers apologized. But would Rio have gotten so upset if it wasn't sort of true? Huh? Would they?)
15. Hell probably smells just like barbecue. Whether it's più mustard-based o ketchup-based, I do not know. ("Simpsons Bible Stories," 1999)
16. Homer: "Lisa, would te like a doughnut?"
Lisa: "No thanks. Do te have any fruit?"
Homer: "This (one) has purple in it. Purple is a fruit."
17. There's nothing women admire more, o need more, than a good, reliable roofer. So if you're not a roofer, make Friends with one. Because chicks really Amore roofs for some reason. ("Don't Fear the Roofer," 2005)
18. "The risposte to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!" ("There's No Disgrace Like Home," 1990)
19. President George H.W. cespuglio, bush was wrong. I don't know if he was wrong about not finishing off Saddam Hussein in the first Gulf War o about picking Dan Quayle as his veep. But he was wrong in 1992 when he said, "We need a nation closer to the Waltons than the Simpsons." John-Boy and his country kin are in history's dustbin. The future is named Homer, and it eats Cioccolato doughnuts with sprinkles. (Mmmm ... sprinkles.)
That last one was kind of long, and it required looking up Bush's quote on that Internet thing, so I'm going to count it as two items.
BRYANT.B; MCCLATCHY NP
Just like Homer would do.
1. If te go to a Japanese restaurant and order that delicacy, the blowfish ... and if the blowfish is not prepared exactly right ... it becomes poisonous and te die 24 hours after eating it. ("One Fish, Two Fish, Blowfish, Blue Fish," 1991.) I don't know if this is actually true, but it was on a TV cartoon show, so that's good enough for me.
2. te can goof off as much as te want at work and you'll never get fired. This is especially true if te work at a nuclear plant.
3. The best way to discipline an unruly child is to grab him da the neck while shouting, "Why, te little - !"
4. "When te participate in sporting events, it's not whether te win o lose, it's how drunk te get."
5. "Trying is the first step toward failure." This quote is on a Homer refrigerator magnet I found a long time ago. It replaced another refrigerator magnet I had that said, "Today is the first giorno of the rest of your life." Yeah, right, Mister Rogers.
6. Being a vegetarian is the healthiest way to live, but it's just too hard. Homer: "If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did he make them out of meat?"
7. And on a related issue: "All normal people Amore meat. ... te don't win Friends with salad."
8. It's fine to wear the same white camicia and blue pants every giorno of your life. Because people mostly recognize te da your clothes.
9. If te make a mistake, any kind of mistake, just exclaim "D'oh!" and everyone will forgive you. This is especially true if te work at a nuclear plant.
10. "Facts are meaningless. te could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!" (This one is also on a refrigerator magnet. The greatest truths fit perfectly on a Frigidaire door.)
11. If te have a holier-than-thou neighbor such as Ned Flanders, he's not necessarily a better man than te are. He's just a lot più likely to go to heaven than te are.
12. "It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen." ("Colonel Homer," 1992)
13. It's groups such as the Masons that secretly keep the metric system from taking over America the way it has taken over those European countries where people drive on "autobahns" and drink "schnapps" and have "free health care." ("Homer the Great," 1995)
14. Rio de Janeiro is filled with wild monkeys, big rats, larcenous orphans and dangerous cabbies, as documented in the 2002 episode "Blame it on Lisa." (Rio's tourism board threatened to sue, and the "Simpsons" producers apologized. But would Rio have gotten so upset if it wasn't sort of true? Huh? Would they?)
15. Hell probably smells just like barbecue. Whether it's più mustard-based o ketchup-based, I do not know. ("Simpsons Bible Stories," 1999)
16. Homer: "Lisa, would te like a doughnut?"
Lisa: "No thanks. Do te have any fruit?"
Homer: "This (one) has purple in it. Purple is a fruit."
17. There's nothing women admire more, o need more, than a good, reliable roofer. So if you're not a roofer, make Friends with one. Because chicks really Amore roofs for some reason. ("Don't Fear the Roofer," 2005)
18. "The risposte to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle. They're on TV!" ("There's No Disgrace Like Home," 1990)
19. President George H.W. cespuglio, bush was wrong. I don't know if he was wrong about not finishing off Saddam Hussein in the first Gulf War o about picking Dan Quayle as his veep. But he was wrong in 1992 when he said, "We need a nation closer to the Waltons than the Simpsons." John-Boy and his country kin are in history's dustbin. The future is named Homer, and it eats Cioccolato doughnuts with sprinkles. (Mmmm ... sprinkles.)
That last one was kind of long, and it required looking up Bush's quote on that Internet thing, so I'm going to count it as two items.
BRYANT.B; MCCLATCHY NP
Harry Potter stella, star Daniel Radcliffe is among the celebritàs lending their voice talents to the new series of The Simpsons this autumn, broadcaster volpe has confirmed.
Cory Monteith ‘was not leading double life’
Rihanna shares raunchy foto as she chills poolside
Hanks film to close Londra festival
Daniel will unisciti Kristen Wiig, Zach Galifianakis and Rachel Maddow in the animated show, which kicks off its new run on September 29.
Kristen will be heard in the animated show's season premiere, voicing a high-strung FBI agent whom Lisa enlists for help when she suspects that something sinister has happened to Homer.
Elizabeth Moss of Mad Men plays a grateful mother who names her baby after Homer when he helps deliver the child.
Marvel Comics writer Stan Lee, producer Judd Apatow and Will Arnett of Arrested Development are among other stars voicing parts on The Simpsons.
Cory Monteith ‘was not leading double life’
Rihanna shares raunchy foto as she chills poolside
Hanks film to close Londra festival
Daniel will unisciti Kristen Wiig, Zach Galifianakis and Rachel Maddow in the animated show, which kicks off its new run on September 29.
Kristen will be heard in the animated show's season premiere, voicing a high-strung FBI agent whom Lisa enlists for help when she suspects that something sinister has happened to Homer.
Elizabeth Moss of Mad Men plays a grateful mother who names her baby after Homer when he helps deliver the child.
Marvel Comics writer Stan Lee, producer Judd Apatow and Will Arnett of Arrested Development are among other stars voicing parts on The Simpsons.
Todo empezó cuando tuvieron que fumigar el bar de Moe por que estaba lleno de ratas e insectos.
Moe: Cuanto tiempo tardara la fumigación.
Fumigador: 5 horas cuando mucho.
Moe: ok, esta bien esperare.
En ese instante el insecticida se junto con la cerveza y se formo fuego, el bar empezó a arder en llamas.
Moe: ohh, nooo he perdido mi carrera y mi bar.
Moe perdió su bar y su carrera, estaba muy triste.
En ese momento llego homero, leni, carl y barney.
Moe: que hacen chicos tan temprano.
Homero: Burns nos dio el día libre.
Leni: por que el bar esta ardiendo en llamas.
Moe: se junto el insecticida con la cerveza y se formo fuego y se me arruino mi carrera.
Homero: Moe ven a vivir a mi casa hasta que consigas algún lugar para vivir.
Moe: gracias hormero eres el mejor.
Homero: no fieno de qué, total te debo muchas.
CONTINUARA
Moe: Cuanto tiempo tardara la fumigación.
Fumigador: 5 horas cuando mucho.
Moe: ok, esta bien esperare.
En ese instante el insecticida se junto con la cerveza y se formo fuego, el bar empezó a arder en llamas.
Moe: ohh, nooo he perdido mi carrera y mi bar.
Moe perdió su bar y su carrera, estaba muy triste.
En ese momento llego homero, leni, carl y barney.
Moe: que hacen chicos tan temprano.
Homero: Burns nos dio el día libre.
Leni: por que el bar esta ardiendo en llamas.
Moe: se junto el insecticida con la cerveza y se formo fuego y se me arruino mi carrera.
Homero: Moe ven a vivir a mi casa hasta que consigas algún lugar para vivir.
Moe: gracias hormero eres el mejor.
Homero: no fieno de qué, total te debo muchas.
CONTINUARA