Ryuk: (Sits on hill) ………….. Goddamn, I’m bored
(Meanwhile)
Light: (In class) Goddamn I’m bored
Teacher: Light, seeing as te are the smartest student in the class-
Student: (On DS) I choose te Pikachu
Teacher: And I do mean that a lot… Can te read the successivo passage
Light: (Stands up) ….. No (Sits down)
Teacher: ……. (I hate my life)
Light: (Looks outside to see a book) It’s raining-
Writer: NO, WE’RE NOT DOING THAT JOKE! EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DEATH NOTE ABRIDGED SERIES USES IT! I’M FUCKING SICK OF IT
Light: Okay, fine. Geez. Teacher, may I be excused
Teacher: No
Light: Thank you
(5 minuti later)
Light: (Picks up book) Death Note? Oh god, it’s some emo’s dairy, isn’t it. I should probably leave it here...
(At home)
Light: (Places book on desk) o not (Opens it) What’s this? Whoever’s name is written in the Death Note… will die…… Ha, what a stupid load of crap
TV Anchor: This just in, a man da the name of Koto Arihara has just taken a group of people, including children, hostage at a local daycare center
Light: People are in danger…. Eh, why do I care? I don’t know them
TV Anchor: This is his picture (Shows criminals picture)
Light: Ugh. He looks ugly as shit. I don’t like him. Better joke about him in this dumb book (Writes his name in the Death Note)
TV Anchor: This just in. It seems he has died of a cuore attack.
Light: Oh my god………. It’s hamburger night. I almost forgot. But, I can actually kill anyone with this book. Why, this is insane… but, I gotta test it one più time.
(The successivo day)
Light: Hmm. Who else should I use it on. This is gonna take some time to-
Bikers: Hey, look. It’s a girl. Lets act like creeps and do terrible things to her.
Light: Found them
Girl: Oh, not this again. I thought this sort of shit in Anime died out already
Biker: Hey, my names Takuro Shinimmi- no, Shimishi- no…. The writers from America, what do te expect
Girl: So, da telling me your name, how do te know I won’t run off to the police and tell them that te are violating me.
Biker: ……….. Because shut up.
Light: (Writes his name down)
Girl: Well, I’m just gonna run. Feel free to chase after me (Runs)
Biker: Here I come then
(Mario Kart Musica plays)
link
(Truck hits him, stopping Musica and killing him)
Light: Oh my god. This thing… it’s for real
(Meanwhile)
Ryuk: ……. Well, after waiting for god knows how long, I think I’ll go look for my Death Note now. I have no idea why it took me this long to get off my culo and look for it, but, screw it (Flies off)
(Later)
Light: I can finally do some good, other than a bunch of pointless crap… Time to laugh psychotically about it (Gives insane laugh)
Ryuk: (By surprise) Hey, what’s up
Light: OH SHIT (Falls down) Oh god… an emo. My worst nightmare
Ryuk: No, I am Ryuk. A shinigami
Light: Never heard of you
Ryuk: No one has. You’re not special
Light: Actually, I am the smartest person in my class, I am very attractive, and, now, I have the power of life and death. Not only is the world my cagna now, but, I also have a army of fangirls at my disposal. Your argument is invalid.
Ryuk: Just shut up and listen. I am here to tell te that the Death Note is mine.
Light: Well, finders keepers. That’s life for you. And, spoiler alert, it sucks.
Ryuk: Well, te see, since te touched the Death Note, that makes it yours. So, there isn’t anything I can do
Light: So, I can use this all I want
Ryuk: Yep. Just know that once te use it, te can neither go to Heaven nor Hell for eternity.
Light: Oh, well, that would have been useful information BEFORE i used the fucking book.
Ryuk: Yeah, I admit, I was kinda late with that info. My bad.
Light’s Mom: (Knocks on the door) Light
Ryuk: Don’t worry, she won’t see me. go ahead and answer it
Light: (Opens door) Yes?
Light’s Mom: Hello Light. I thought you’d like some apples. I- (Gasp) Light, is that an emo behind you?
Light: No, mom, there isn’t an emo behind me. Did te forget to take your medication again?
Light’s Mom: Oh, screw meditation
Light: Nevermind (Closes door)
Ryuk: Your mother seems like a “special” kind of- HOLY SHIT, ARE THOSE APPLES! (Eats apples)
Light: So, why was I chosen
Ryuk: What, te think this is some sort of “You’re the chosen one” bullshit? No, I just dropped it, hoping someone would pick it up, because I got bored.
Light: Bored? You’re telling me te dropped this book, hoping someone would use it to kill others so te could entertain yourself.
Ryuk: Yep.
Light: … You’re my kind of guy. But, now, I have to get back to my insane laugh, for I will rid this world of crime, and make the world know of my existence. To prove that there is someone passing judgement on the wicked.
Ryuk: But, wouldn't te be the only wicked person left
Light: ………… Shut up. Don’t interrupt my dialogue. Anyway, I will become the god of the new world.
Ryuk: Yeah, the world just needs to be ruled da a crazed honor student with an ego bigger than Jupiter. This world will be SO better off.
End