Note: I am not obsessed with Selena Gomez.
Other note: I know I missed some stuff and that this is an extremely shortened version. I performed this with some friends, and we didn't have enough people to do all seven dwarfs. So all there is is Grumpy.

Scene 1- The Queen consults her magic mirror.
Queen-Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's the fairest one of all?
Mirror-That's easy! Selena Gomez!
Queen- OTHER THAN HER!
Mirror- Then...hmm...Taylor Swift.
Queen- Why??
Mirror-According to the August issue of J-14 magazine, Selena Gomez was found the prettiest in a vote of 342 people.
Queen-Well, Selena Gomez is too far from here. I'll take my anger out on Snow White, even though she's not drop-dead gorgeous like moi.
Scene 2-The Queen talks with the huntsman.
Queen-I need te to kill Snow White!
Huntsman-Don't te want me to bring te her cuore in a box o something?
Queen-Blood makes me nauseous. Just clip her toenails something. SNOW WHITE!
*Snow White enters*
Snow White-Yes, stepmother?
Queen- You're banished from the castle.
Snow White-*runs out crying*
Scene 3-Snow White runs through the forest
Snow White-I'm not scared! I laugh in the face of danger-OMG IT'S A TREE!!!!! OMG IT'S A secondo TREE!!!!!!!! *drops to the ground and curls into the fetal position*
Snow White- Where are my animal friends?
*tweet from a distance*
Snow White- THAT'S PATHETIC!
*Huntsman enters*
Huntsman- Are te unconscious yet?
Snow White- No.
Huntsman- How about now?
Snow White- No.
Huntsman- Can I just clip your toenails?
Snow White- Okay! They were getting long anyway.
Scene 4-The Queen talks to her magic mirror.
Queen-HA HA HA! I have killed Snow White!
Mirror- Um, there's a flaw in your plan.
Queen-WHAT?
Mirror- Just because te have someone's toenails doesn't mean they're dead.
Queen- Ugh. If te want something done right, te have to do it yourself. I'll feed her a poisoned apple...and disguise myself as an ugly hag!
Mirror- Um, but te are ugly. te should disguise yourself as someone pretty, like Selena Gomez.
Queen- That's a great idea! BUT I'M NOT UGLY.
Mirror- Yes, te are.
Queen- WHO ASKED YOU?!?!?!?!
Scene 5- Snow White finds Grumpy's house.
Snow White- Oh, what a sweet little house! I think I'll just barge in, clean up, and use the forno to make some pie.
*Grumpy approaches the house singing*
Grumpy- *Heigh ho, heigh ho, I hope no one broke into my house!*
*Grumpy enters his house, sees Snow White, and lifts up his mine pick*
Grumpy- WHO ARE te AND WHAT ARE te DOING IN MY HOUSE?
Snow White- I'm Snow White. I was cleaning and making pie.
Grumpy- When will the pie be ready?
Snow White- Thirty to forty-five minutes.
Grumpy- Okay then!
Scene 6- The successivo giorno at noon, Grumpy's house. Snow White is cleaning while Grumpy is in the mines*
*Queen, disguised as Selena Gomez, enters*
Queen- Hey, girlfriend!
Snow White- Selena Gomez! I'm your biggest fan!!
Queen- Thanks! Anyway, I brought te an apple!
Snow White- But I don't like apples.
Queen- But this one's special.
Snow White- Okay! But first I have to go potty.
Queen- But if te eat it, te get a part on my show, for 'Girl eating Apple'.
Snow White- But can I go potty first?
Queen- JUST EAT THE APPLE!
Snow White- *takes a bite* I...am...dying...I'M TOO YOUNG TO-*dies*
*Grumpy approaches the house singing*
Grumpy- *Heigh ho, heigh ho, I hope nobody died!* *sees Selena Gomez exiting the house, walking onto a cliff* Selena Gomez! Can I have your autograph?
Queen- Um, sure. Just let me find a pen...
Grumpy- Here's one! On the ground! *Reaches for it, causing the Queen to twist around, lose her balance, and fall off the cliff* SELENA! Oh no, what am I going to tell David Henrie? *goes back to house and sees Snow White* Oh no! The cleaning lady! Who's going to make me pie and fix the toilet?
*Prince enters*
Grumpy- PRINCE! WAKE HER UP, WAKE HER UP!
Prince- Alright. *Leans in close to Snow White, Puts his hands on her shoulders* WAKE UP! WAKE UP! (nothing happens) Yup, she's dead alright. *turns to leave*
Grumpy- *grabs his leg to prevent him from leaving* NO! baciare her! baciare her! I want pie!
Prince- NO WAY, MIDGET!
*REAL Selena Gomez enters*
Selena- I know what she needs! *gives her "theater kisses", an air baciare on each cheek*
Snow White- OMG!!! SELENA GOMEZ!!!
Selena- I knew it.
Scene 7- Mirror wondered what was taking the Queen so long, and magically transported to her broken body*
Mirror- *sobs*
Queen- Stop crying! I'm only injured!
Mirror- BUT THEY CANCELED WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE!! *sobs*
Queen- *flops back down*
FADE OUT