I got this from the joke app I have. Well, enjoy!

25 facts of life
1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.
2. te will never find anybody who can give te a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight-saving time.
3. People who feel the need to tell te that they have an excellent sense of humor are telling te that they have no sense of humor.
4. The most valuable function performed da the federal government is entertainment.
5. te should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests te think she's pregnant unless te can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
6. A penny saved is worthless.
7. They can hold all the peace talks they want, but there will never be peace in the Middle East. Billions of years from now, when Earth is hurtling toward the Sun and there is nothing left alive on the planet except a few microorganisms, the microorganisms living in the Middle East will be amaro enemies.
8. The most powerful force in the universe is gossip.
9. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, o ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.
10. There comes a time when te should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.
11. There is a very fine line between "hobby " and "mental illness. "
12. People who want to share their religious visualizzazioni with te almost never want te to share yours with them.
13. There apparently exists, somewhere in Los Angeles, a computer that generates concepts for Televisione sitcoms. When TV executives need a new concept, they turn on this computer; after sorting through millions of possible plot premises, it spits out, "THREE QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT," and the executives turn this concept into a show. The successivo time they need an idea, the computer spits out, "SIX QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT. " Then the successivo time, it spits out, "FOUR QUIRKY BUT ATTRACTIVE YOUNG PEOPLE LIVING IN AN APARTMENT. " And so on. We need to locate this computer and destroy it with hammers.
14. Nobody is normal.
15. At least once per year, some group of scientists will become very excited and announce that: * The universe is even bigger than they thought! * There are even più subatomic particles than they thought! * Whatever they announced last anno about global warming is wrong.
16. If te had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings. "
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them.
18. The value of advertising is that it tells te the exact opposite of what the advertiser actually thinks. For example: * If the advertisement says "This is not your father's Oldsmobile," the advertiser is desperately concerned that this Oldsmobile, like all other Oldsmobiles, appeals primarily to old farts like your father. * If Coca Cola and Pepsi spend billions of dollars to convince te that there are significant differences between these two products, both companies realize that Pepsi and Coca Cola are virtually identical. * If the advertisement strongly suggests that Nike shoes enable athletes to perform amazing feats, Nike wants te to disregard the fact that shoe brand is unrelated to athletic ability. * If Budweiser runs an elaborate advertising campaign stressing the critical importance of a beer's "born-on " date, Budweiser knows this factor has virtually nothing to do with how good a birra tastes.
19. If there really is a God who created the entire universe with all of its glories, and He decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will not use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
20. te should not confuse your career with your life.
21. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
22. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
23. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy.
24. Your Friends Amore te anyway.
25. Nobody cares if te can't dance well. Just get up and dance."