Looking for a laugh?
Say no more, look no further! :{D
1.
Two guys are taking the subway. One of them had a bunch of bananas and a jar of musterd. He peeled a banana, dipped it in the mustard and threw it out of the window. The other guy looked at him weird, but decided not to say anything. After a minuto o two, he did the same thing. Peeled the banana, put it in the mustard, and threw it out of the subway train!
"Why on Earth are te doing that." the guy said.
"Hell, do you like bananas with mustard?"
2.
Two guys, Buck and Jamie, were sitting with Mindy, Jamie's girlfriend, in a bar chatting. Buck was amorously glancing towards Mindy, but carefully of course, as Jamie is very jealous. When Jamie got to the bathroom real quick, Mindy whispered Buck hastily:
"Grab your chance! Now!!"
Buck looked around nervously, and drank Jamie's birra up in 1 draft, and ran away.
3.
Why do Japanese students always have such a high IQ? Ever seen a blonde Japanese kid?
4.
I used to hate weddingparties when I was younger. Everyone gave me a poke in my side, saying:
"Hey, when will it be your turn?"
They all stopped when I began doing the same thing... on funerals.
5.
"Tell me, Rose. You're married to an archaeologist, right? Isn't that boring?"
"Not at all! The older I get, the più interesting I get to him!"
6.
So once upon a time there was a doctor who had sex with his patient. He has so many regret for it that his concious started to play games with him. To calm himself down, he continuously told himself:
"It's not that bad. You're not the first doctor who's been in letto with his patient, and you're certainly not going to be the last."
But then his other half pulled him inside the real world again, saying:
"But buddy... you're an animal doctor...
7.
So this blonde girl walked into a store.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with dark hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with purple hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl asked:
"I don't get it, I'm not even blonde anymore, why wouldn't te sell me that tv, mister?"
"Because this is a microwave!"
8.
Why did Napoleon wear a red vest? Because he was a hero whose environment wouldn't notice a thing if he was injured.
So now we know why Hitler wore brown pants.
9.
It's a warm, sunny say on the funeral. An old man was standing successivo to an open grave, as a boy walked da and said:
"Feels great, huh gramps, taking a breath of fresh air?"
10.
Yesterday I've witnessed the greatest thing. I got home from an evening at the pub (not too late this time). I came inside and my wive received me, dressed in sexy lingerie and holding only two velvet cords. She told me:
"Tie me up, and afterwards te may do anything te want..."
So I tied her up and went to get me another beer!
Say no more, look no further! :{D
1.
Two guys are taking the subway. One of them had a bunch of bananas and a jar of musterd. He peeled a banana, dipped it in the mustard and threw it out of the window. The other guy looked at him weird, but decided not to say anything. After a minuto o two, he did the same thing. Peeled the banana, put it in the mustard, and threw it out of the subway train!
"Why on Earth are te doing that." the guy said.
"Hell, do you like bananas with mustard?"
2.
Two guys, Buck and Jamie, were sitting with Mindy, Jamie's girlfriend, in a bar chatting. Buck was amorously glancing towards Mindy, but carefully of course, as Jamie is very jealous. When Jamie got to the bathroom real quick, Mindy whispered Buck hastily:
"Grab your chance! Now!!"
Buck looked around nervously, and drank Jamie's birra up in 1 draft, and ran away.
3.
Why do Japanese students always have such a high IQ? Ever seen a blonde Japanese kid?
4.
I used to hate weddingparties when I was younger. Everyone gave me a poke in my side, saying:
"Hey, when will it be your turn?"
They all stopped when I began doing the same thing... on funerals.
5.
"Tell me, Rose. You're married to an archaeologist, right? Isn't that boring?"
"Not at all! The older I get, the più interesting I get to him!"
6.
So once upon a time there was a doctor who had sex with his patient. He has so many regret for it that his concious started to play games with him. To calm himself down, he continuously told himself:
"It's not that bad. You're not the first doctor who's been in letto with his patient, and you're certainly not going to be the last."
But then his other half pulled him inside the real world again, saying:
"But buddy... you're an animal doctor...
7.
So this blonde girl walked into a store.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with dark hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl left, and returned to the store a while after, only with purple hair.
"Mister, can I buy that tv from you?"
"I ain't selling nothing to blonde girls."
The blonde girl asked:
"I don't get it, I'm not even blonde anymore, why wouldn't te sell me that tv, mister?"
"Because this is a microwave!"
8.
Why did Napoleon wear a red vest? Because he was a hero whose environment wouldn't notice a thing if he was injured.
So now we know why Hitler wore brown pants.
9.
It's a warm, sunny say on the funeral. An old man was standing successivo to an open grave, as a boy walked da and said:
"Feels great, huh gramps, taking a breath of fresh air?"
10.
Yesterday I've witnessed the greatest thing. I got home from an evening at the pub (not too late this time). I came inside and my wive received me, dressed in sexy lingerie and holding only two velvet cords. She told me:
"Tie me up, and afterwards te may do anything te want..."
So I tied her up and went to get me another beer!
1.Favorite Color
Red-My tomato
Orange-My carrot
Yellow-My banana
Green-My broccoli
Blue-My taffy
Purple-My grape
Pink-My cotton candy
Black-My jellybean
Brown-My Cioccolato
2.Favorite Food
Pork chops-Sat on a
Jello-Bounced on a
Pancakes-Stepped on a
Spare ribs-Threw a
Rice-Squeezed a
Spaghetti-Destroyed a
Pudding-Chewed on a
Fries-Grossed out a
Chicken-Scared a
3.Favorite number
1-Bed sheet
2-Spaceship
3-Table lamp
4-Feather
5-Skyscraper
6-Balloon
7-Computer
8-Oven
9-Classroom
4.Favorite animal-
Gorilla-Because it was too fluffy
Bunny-Because it was too unorganized
Giraffe-Because it was too silly
Lion-Because it was too stretchy
Alligator-Because it was too beautiful
Sheep-Because it was too aspro, acida
Dog-Because it was too bumpy
Cat-Because it was too hyper
Horse-Because it was too dirty
My uva stepped on a tavolo lamp because it was too unorganized!
Red-My tomato
Orange-My carrot
Yellow-My banana
Green-My broccoli
Blue-My taffy
Purple-My grape
Pink-My cotton candy
Black-My jellybean
Brown-My Cioccolato
2.Favorite Food
Pork chops-Sat on a
Jello-Bounced on a
Pancakes-Stepped on a
Spare ribs-Threw a
Rice-Squeezed a
Spaghetti-Destroyed a
Pudding-Chewed on a
Fries-Grossed out a
Chicken-Scared a
3.Favorite number
1-Bed sheet
2-Spaceship
3-Table lamp
4-Feather
5-Skyscraper
6-Balloon
7-Computer
8-Oven
9-Classroom
4.Favorite animal-
Gorilla-Because it was too fluffy
Bunny-Because it was too unorganized
Giraffe-Because it was too silly
Lion-Because it was too stretchy
Alligator-Because it was too beautiful
Sheep-Because it was too aspro, acida
Dog-Because it was too bumpy
Cat-Because it was too hyper
Horse-Because it was too dirty
My uva stepped on a tavolo lamp because it was too unorganized!
Q: Why did the forgetful chicken attraversare, croce the road?
A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.
Q: Why did the redneck attraversare, croce the road?
A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.
Q: Why did the one-handed man attraversare, croce the road?
A: To get to the secondo hand shop.
Q: Why did the turkey attraversare, croce the road?
A: Because he wasn't a chicken.
Q: Why did the fat turkey attraversare, croce the road?
A: To get hit da my car.
Q: Why did the woman attraversare, croce the road?
A: I don't know, but where'd she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen?
A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it.
Q: Why did the redneck attraversare, croce the road?
A: He wanted to sleep in the ditch on the other side.
Q: Why did the one-handed man attraversare, croce the road?
A: To get to the secondo hand shop.
Q: Why did the turkey attraversare, croce the road?
A: Because he wasn't a chicken.
Q: Why did the fat turkey attraversare, croce the road?
A: To get hit da my car.
Q: Why did the woman attraversare, croce the road?
A: I don't know, but where'd she get shoes and what is she doing out of the kitchen?