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 U mad bro?
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posted by BlackSunshine
Something I got in an e-mail. Still pretty funny. Especially since I've done a few...

1. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, and then act embarrassed when they open da themselves.

2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call te Admiral.

3. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until te hear the penny te dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.

4. Do Tai Chi exercises.

5. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"

6. Meow occasionally....
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"We need" means "I want"

"It's your decision" means "The correct decision should be obvious da now"

"Do what te want "means" You'll pay for this later

"We need to talk" means "I need to complain


"Sure...go ahead" means"I don't want te to.

"I'm not upset"means "Of course I'm upset, te moron."

"You're...so manly "means" te need a shave and te sweat a lot."

"You're certainly attentive tonight." means     "Is sex all te ever think about?"

"I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!" means     "I'm on my period."

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" means     "I...
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Source: Twitter
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Source: Dei
posted by Nick16
Why did I get divorced????

Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do te mind if I goin to the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minuti later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling,"SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
added by Mollymolata
added by shaneoohmac13
posted by shomill
Is it possible to Amore someone that doesn’t really exist? Think about it. We do it all the time. A boy in high school sees a pretty girl on the other side of the classroom and imagines taking her to a rock concert. A girl dreams of a romantic picnic with the cute guy that just moved in across the street. These people might exist, but the way we visualize them is almost certainly wrong. I’m as guilty of this as anyone. Then, if we finally get to know these people that we’ve fantasized about, we’re crushed to learn that they are not who we thought they were. Why? Because, quite frankly,...
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added by Renarimae
The creepy but awesome short on Adult Swim.
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added by Mollymolata