The two things everyone's been talking about lately are Christian Bale's onset freakout and those ubiquitous 25 random Things About Me lists. It got us wondering if maybe Christian Bale himself had made a list, so we hacked into his Facebook account. And then we made this fake list.

1) I ad-libbed all of Newsies. It wasn't even supposed to be a musical.

2) My philosophy: It's not who te are underneath, but how good te are at staying out of my fucking eye-line that defines you.

3) I Lost my virginity to Miranda Richardson on the set of Empire of the Sun. In costume. Her costume.

4) If I've...