I did not write this.
1. If a boy is aloof, stand-offish, ignores te o is just plain rude, it is because he is secretly in Amore with te — and te are the point of his existence.
2.Secrets are good — especially life-threatening ones.
3. It’s OK for a potential romantic interest to be dimwitted, violent and vengeful — as long as he has great abs.
4. If a boy tells te to stay away from him because he is dangerous and may even kill you, he must be the Amore of your life. te should stay with him since he will keep te sicuro, cassetta di sicurezza forever.
5. If a boy leaves you, especially suddenly (while telling te he will never see te again), it is because he loves te so much he will suffer just to keep te safe.
6. When a boy leaves you, going into shock, losing all your Friends and enduring night terrors are completely acceptable occurrences — as long as te keep your grades up.
7. It is extremely romantic to put yourself in dangerous situations in order to see your ex-boyfriend again. It’s even più romantic to remember the sound of his voice when he yelled at you.
8. Boys who leave te always come back.
9. Because they come back, te should hold out, waiting for them for months, even when completely acceptable and less-abusive alternative males present themselves.
10. Even though te have no intention of dating an alternative male who expresses interest in you, it is fine to string the young man along for months. Also, te should use him to fix things for you. Maybe he’ll even buy te something.
11. te should use detto male to fix things because girls are incapable of anything mechanical o technical.
12. Lying to your parents is fine. Lying to your parents while te run away to save your suicidal boyfriend is an extremely good idea that shows your strength and maturity. Also, it is what te must do.
13. Car theft in the service of Amore is acceptable.
14. If the boy te are in Amore with causes te (even indirectly) to be so badly beaten te end up in the hospital, te should tell the doctors and your family that te “fell down the steps” because te are such a silly, clumsy girl. That false explanation always works well for abused women.
15. Men can be changed for the better if te sacrifice everything te are and devote yourself to their need for change.
16. Young women should make no effort to improve their social skills o emotional state. Instead, they should seek out potential mates that share their morose deficiencies and emotional illnesses.
17. Girls shouldn’t always read a book series just because everyone else has.
18. When Scrivere a book series, it’s acceptable to lift seminal fonte material and bastardize it \with tired, overwrought teenage angst.
19. When making o watching a major feature film, te should gleefully embrace the 20 minuti of plot it provides in between extended segments of vacant-eyed silence and self-indulgent, moaning banter.
20.Vampires — once among the great villains of literature and motion pictures — are no longer scary. In fact, they’re every bit as whiny, self-absorbed and impotent as any human being.