Tommy: Cole... te stupid.
Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
Tommy: Sheneneh, te say you're a Christian woman... yet te sit here and te lie to these people. Now te better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
Martin: Pam, do te prefer to be called "Ms. o Mr."?
Pam: Do te prefer "Jack" o "a**"?
Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
Valentino: I told you, te could super-size it!
Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and te don't disrespect no lady! te better watch your back!
Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
Sheneneh: te can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
Cole: I'll see te in Hell, Martin!
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
Brother Man: just chillin'.
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
Cole: Tommy, te dated a white girl in college!
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
Mama Payne: Every sposta te make, every breath
[sniffs]
Mama Payne: te take... I'll be watching you!
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead ha rubato, stola my boy!
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
Gina: Struck da lightning, stay away from me!
Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
Martin: Cole! no te are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are te doin' up in here?
Martin: I keep having these nightmares. te ever have them?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this fuoco escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly culo crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
Martin: WAZZUP!
Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
Pam: Martin was the one who detto Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
Cole: He detto the stufato, stufato di was so bad, the homeless give it back!
Martin: I Amore the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't te want me?
Gina: No, slut, I want you!
Gina: Where are they going to get married?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
Martin: Cole, the successivo time te think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
Tommy: Cole.
Cole: Yes?
Tommy: I want te to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to te - Un, em, ploy, ment!
Gina: If te don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a cerca party! That's the oath!
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Martin: te ain't GOT no job, man!
Cole: That's because te don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't te mean 13?
Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come home and my place is wack! See te later. Oh, and da the way, this is your son, Cole.
[Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! te know damn well what this is about! te got too much head to be stupid! te didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When te feed bears, they follow ya home!
Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give te an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
Cole: What's up?
Martin: Remind me to give te an ass-whoopin' later.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
[At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
[the gang thinks Tommy is rushing into marriage]
Gina: This is ridiculous! How's Tommy gonna marry someone he just met?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duuuh!
[Martin has insulted Pam during a crostini, pane tostato to her marriage]
Gina: Martin, stop it!
Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If te like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, o whatever.
Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! te know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that te gotta go outside to change your mind!
Cole: See te later, Pam... my little Cioccolato ho-ho.
Pam: [offended] What did te call me?
Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, o is your dog walking backwards?
[Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, te alright? Want me to come with you?
Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
[laughs hysterically]
[leaving message on answering machine]
Cole: Mom, I wanna come back. I'm lonely and my place is wack. Oh, and if te get this message, it's me, Cole.
Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
[holds up four fingers]
Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
Martin: te know I'm sensitive about my job, te didn't have to go there!
Pam: te know I'm sensative about my buck shots, te didn't have to go there!
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark & Lovely on damn near every corner te pass!
Sheneneh: Kid, can te baciare me like te did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
Pam: This is great. This is really, really, great. I fly all the way here with Harold Muppet and the Blue Notes, and I still can't get out of this marriage.
Tommy: Sheneneh, te say you're a Christian woman... yet te sit here and te lie to these people. Now te better tell 'em the truth and tell them now!
Sheneneh: Oh, my goodness! Somebody get me the witness protection program!
Martin: Pam, do te prefer to be called "Ms. o Mr."?
Pam: Do te prefer "Jack" o "a**"?
Martin: Darn it, Tommy! We don't need umbilical cords! This is TV!
Valentino: I told you, te could super-size it!
Sheneneh: I told you!... I'm a lady, and te don't disrespect no lady! te better watch your back!
Valentino: Sheneneh, I can't buy nothin' with $5!
Sheneneh: te can buy a one-way ticket to get the hell outta' my face!
Cole: Rent-A-Spoons!
Cole: I'll see te in Hell, Martin!
Martin: Yeah, you'll be the only one down there still living with your mother!
Martin: Pam, your hair is so nappy Wilson couldn't pick it!
Martin: Brother Man, whatcha doin' here, man?
Brother Man: Nothin'
[pause]
Brother Man: just chillin'.
Martin: Stanks a lot, Pam.
Tommy: My mama always told me, if she can't use your comb, don't bring her home!
Cole: Tommy, te dated a white girl in college!
Tommy: Oh, no, she wasn't white! She was French!
Mama Payne: Every sposta te make, every breath
[sniffs]
Mama Payne: te take... I'll be watching you!
Mama Payne: Yo' applehead ha rubato, stola my boy!
Rev. Love: If I was still living that foul life, I'll get Franklins, but I'm not!
Laquita: (singing) Laquita Lumpkins an' her homegirl Sheneneh in da hizz-ouse! Hey!
Gina: Struck da lightning, stay away from me!
Martin: The Lord know I just be playin' around!
Martin: Cole! no te are NOT cuttin' yo' crusty-ass toenails up in here!
Martin: Bro'man! it's 3 in the morning! What are te doin' up in here?
Martin: I keep having these nightmares. te ever have them?
Brother Man: Yeah. I had a dream one time. I was climbin' this fuoco escape, and I couldn't make it to the top. So I climbed through the window of this fly culo crib!. With a big see-thru 'fridgerater. It was full of sammiches! But... , but... I couldn't open the door Martin! So I just stood there and cried man. Oh yeah! Bro'man cried.
Martin: WAZZUP!
Jerome: [singing] Uh-uh! Uh-uh-uh! I say Jerome's in da house! I say Jerome's in da hou-oo-ah-oo - In da house!
Pam: Martin was the one who detto Cole was a virgin until he was 23!
Cole: He detto the stufato, stufato di was so bad, the homeless give it back!
Martin: I Amore the stew, baby! It looked like Alpo, but I loved it!
Mrs. Trinidad: Martin, don't fight this! Don't te want me?
Gina: No, slut, I want you!
Gina: Where are they going to get married?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duh!
Martin: Cole, the successivo time te think about getting another place, I don't wanna hear about it. Don't even call me!
Tommy: Cole.
Cole: Yes?
Tommy: I want te to testify for me.
[Cole and Shanise carry on as if they were in church]
Tommy: I'm talkin' 'bout testifyin' in court, Cole!
Martin: Cole, I got four words to say to te - Un, em, ploy, ment!
Gina: If te don't get yo' Smokey-the-Bear, corny-joke tellin' behind out there, *you* are goin' to need a cerca party! That's the oath!
Martin: Pam, is that your breath smellin' like boiled bologna?
Pam: No, that's yo' feet eatin' through those shoes again.
Martin: te ain't GOT no job, man!
Cole: That's because te don't have an IQ of 31 like me.
Shanise: Don't te mean 13?
Pam: I heard that, Ashford and Shrimpson!
[leaving a message]
Cole: Mom, I don't like it here. I wanna come home and my place is wack! See te later. Oh, and da the way, this is your son, Cole.
[Gary Coleman guest stars as "Maddog"]
Maddog: Let me tell you, I'm gonna start making money the right way. I'm a florist now.
Martin: What'chu talkin' 'bout, Maddog?
Mama Payne: Oh don't play dumb with me Gina! te know damn well what this is about! te got too much head to be stupid! te didn't even invite me to the wedding! I'm still pissed about that... Thin Thighs!
Martin: When you're with Pam, read the signs. When te feed bears, they follow ya home!
Gina: There's nothing wrong with my head, Martin! There's nothing wrong with my head!
Martin: Cole, do me a favor. Remind me to give te an ass-whoopin' tomorrow.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Cole, do me a favor.
Cole: What's up?
Martin: Remind me to give te an ass-whoopin' later.
Cole: [pulls out pen & pad] What time is good for you?
Martin: Ummm... how 'bout 6:43?
Cole: I'm busy at 6:43... but I'm free at 6:44 though.
Martin: Oh, alright. Then at 6:44, I'ma be waitin' on that ass-whoopin'.
[At haunted house, a howling sound is made from the background]
Martin: That's just Pam, letting us know she's alright.
[the gang thinks Tommy is rushing into marriage]
Gina: This is ridiculous! How's Tommy gonna marry someone he just met?
Shanise: At a church, Gina. Duuuh!
[Martin has insulted Pam during a crostini, pane tostato to her marriage]
Gina: Martin, stop it!
Pam: Nah, nah, it's ok Gina. I mean, Martin did climb all the way down from that wedding cake to make this toast.
Martin: Tommy, it's all good. If te like her, then we like her. It don't matter what color she is. I don't care if she's black, white, green, o whatever.
Cole: [laughing] Martin, c'mon now! te know you'd be trippin' if Tommy was dating a green girl.
Martin: [about Cole's lousy new apartment] Cole, c'mon now! This place is so small, that te gotta go outside to change your mind!
Cole: See te later, Pam... my little Cioccolato ho-ho.
Pam: [offended] What did te call me?
Tommy: He meant "ring ding"... like the cupcake.
Sheneneh: [shouting] Is that your wife, o is your dog walking backwards?
[Two midgets want Tommy to step outside with them in regards to some beef]
Martin: [ready to rumble] Tommy, te alright? Want me to come with you?
Tommy: Martin, c'mon now! I can handle this on my own. I mean, what they gonna do? Untie my shoes?
[laughs hysterically]
[leaving message on answering machine]
Cole: Mom, I wanna come back. I'm lonely and my place is wack. Oh, and if te get this message, it's me, Cole.
Brother Man: I'm Bruh-Man.
[holds up four fingers]
Brother Man: From the fifth flo'
Martin: te know I'm sensitive about my job, te didn't have to go there!
Pam: te know I'm sensative about my buck shots, te didn't have to go there!
Martin: There's a difference, a good job is hard to come by, but they got Dark & Lovely on damn near every corner te pass!
Sheneneh: Kid, can te baciare me like te did that light-skinned girl in House Party?
