1. Ross: (To Rachel) Yeah, I still don't know. (To the salesman who is hovering nearby) I'm sorry I just wanna make sure that I bought the right couch. I need a couch that says, "Kids welcome here." But that also says, (In a sexy voice) "Come here to me!"
Rachel: What?! You say that to kids?!!
Ross: No! No! No! The "Come here to me" is y'know for the ladies.
Rachel: Ross, honey, it's a nice couch. It's not a magic couch.


2. Ross: Yes you did, gleba is a word!
Ross: Ok, use it in a sentence.
Rachel: Ok... "Emma just said gleba"!
Ross: It's not a word!
Rachel: Okay, okay, okay, fine, I'm gonna look it up (she goes and picks up the dictionary).
Ross: Oh, oh, ok, great. You know what, while you're at it she said another word the other day, why don't you, why don't you look up: pbbqqt....
(Rachel glares at him)
Rachel: (searching the dictionary) Alright, okay, okay, gleba, gleba... (excited) Gleba! Ha! Here it is: the fleshy, spore-bearing inner mass of a certain fungi.
(Rachel shows Ross the definition on the dictionary, giving him a smug look; then she squints at the dictionary, as though unsure what to make out of it)
Ross: She's gonna be a scientist!

That scene where Ross said Emma was going to be a scientist was the funniest thing Ross had ever said up until then.