As I watched my brother get into the car and ride off down the dusty gravelled road, it was one of the most confusing, conflicting rushes of emotions I had ever experienced. So many feelings came flooding in all at one time; relief, worry, guilt, freedom – there were so many crossed wires that I didn’t know where to begin understanding and unwinding them.
What Sam had detto just a few minuti fa was still lingering long enough to replay inside my head; “I’m in no shape to be hunting. I think it’s best that...we just go our separate ways.” And my reply? I had pushed him away. Told him it was a good idea. Had I done the right thing? Sam did have a point, and he thought he could guess how I was feeling; betrayed, hurt...but those words didn’t cover it. The sting of betrayal that I had felt in the last week since Sam had broken the final foca, guarnizione was one of the worst feelings I had ever let in. I had tried to word it, tried to let Sam know how I was feeling, a few days later, but something Sam had detto had been right: “Doesn’t really seem to do it justice, te know?”
I sighed and looked down at my hands on the warm, faded wooden bench. My descrizione of how I felt to my brother hadn’t done the real emotions justice, and he would never understand the hurt I had felt. But now...now that he had pulled out, that I wouldn’t see him for an indefinite time...it seemed like an almost insufficient reason for us to diviso, spalato up so abruptly. But maybe we did need some time apart; I hadn’t been concentrating on the job since we had been in Ilchester – all my thoughts had been on Sammy, and what I should do, how I should act around him, and most often, if he was going to be alright.
I squinted over the way at the Impala, the sun glinting off the ebony roof. It’s just te and me now, baby. I wondered where Sam was headed, what he would try to do first, now he was out of the life – knowing him, get a job placement somewhere in the most ordinary line of work te could think of. I almost smiled to myself in spite of the situation; that’d be Sam all over.
And me? I had no idea where I was going next, and without my brother to look up cases o do research I had to admit that it might be a good idea to call Bobby up and ask if there was any case he wanted taking care of...if that didn’t annoy him too much. He hadn’t been the most cheerful person of late, but in all honesty, I couldn’t blame him. That’s what being stuck in a wheelchair will do to you, I guessed. What had Bobby done to deserve that?
I must have stayed sitting at the bench for about fifteen minuti after Sam had left my sight in the car he had hitch-hiked in. It had suddenly all come to a huge crunch-point; Michael and the angeli wouldn’t stop until I agreed to let him take me for a ride, one of the people I depended on the most was out of action, and the other one had just left me for time apart because our relationship was at the worst state I had ever seen it. I didn’t know when I would see my brother again, o if we’d even stay in contact after today. The understandable lack of faith and trust I had in him after what he’d done was hard to hide, but maybe I had been treating him a little too harshly in the last couple of days; he was just trying to get back on the right track again. But then again, it was his fault for ending up on the wrong side of the Apocalypse in the first place.
This tug-of-war in my head had never seemed to end in the last week that had passed, and there were no solutions o ways of compromising and stopping it...but I had to. Somehow.
Why did it seem like everything was going wrong?