I have no name, my mother didn’t bother to give me one, I am just known as The Phantom. The young ballerinas of the Opera christened me that, and, it just fit. No human name ever fits me, maybe that's because I’ve never looked human so I’ve never felt human. It's più than that though, I’ve never felt like a “Him” o a “Her” I feel like a “Them” I guess o an “It” but that’s too literal! A ghost must be mysterious and be able to disappear into the shadows of the darkness, into ambiguity. As them I am alone! I want to marry a beautiful woman to prove to others I am not a monster despite my burned-to-inhuman face. I don’t think the black suit and mantello and Fedora I wear are as genderless as I would like but I am most comfortable in men’s clothing I’ve discovered. I hear the kindest Canto voice coming from the mirror above my Lair, the magical sound of the notes means someone with that kind of a cuore is the embodiment of a star! The voice makes me feel Amore for the first time in my life! If only her voice wasn’t so sad! Without thinking I go up to the Mirror to ask her.
“Why are te so sad my dear?” I ask.
“My father died! He used to tell me the story of the Angel of Music, who would bless children with talent if they practiced. I was practicing just now. I’ve been waiting for the Angel of Musica who never came” she answered.
“I am here, I am your Angel of Music,” I detto I have a talent for music, and this will be my stratagem.
“You’ve come to teach me to sing!” A light came to her eyes with her radiant smile.
This I can do because I Amore Musica and Musica loves me back. I had a strange feeling she would too.
If only I could ask her name, without her knowing I was no angel, only a thing. As if in answer someone knocked at her door.
“Christine Daaé come to dance!” my old friend Madame Giry commanded.
Her voice reminded me of when I was a little freak in a circus freak show. If the Ring Master on Coney Island knew that my face wasn’t the freakiest part about me! I would teach Christine to Amore me through song! For many a beautiful night, we sang together in harmony, practicing Think of Me from Hannibal over and over.
“Oooooooooooof Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” her voice cracks
“Try to remember to breathe before te start to sing “Of” and use your head voice”
Christine runs through the last line again, taking a breath I can barely hear.
“Oooooooooooof Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!” She did it!
“Broavo,” I say.
“Do te enjoy this Christine? There are roles called pantaloni, pantalone roles in Opera where women play men o boys. If that would make te più comfortable…?
“No thank you, Angel… I have never even felt curious about what being a man would be like.”
“You're welcome to tell me if that changes,,” I said.
At the Rehearsal of Hannibal, a woman named Carlotta is Canto Think of Me, with great technique, but overperforming it! I get so annoyed that I make a set fall on her!
te CAUSED THIS!” she screamed at the two new managers, Missours André and Firman, who had just arrived a few minuti before.
“These things happen in rehearsals all the time,” they replied calmly.
“What do te think, Piangi?”
“Amitures” Piangi declared!
They were both rude, Christine knew how to behave like a Prima Donna!
“Sing Think of Me as your Angel of Musica taught you, Christine” commanded Madame Giry in a no-nonsense voice.
Christine sang Think of Me like she was truly saying goodbye to someone she truly loved, which is exactly what the song is about.
On the night of the Gala for the new managers, I watched Hannibal from below the stage, wishing I could be her on stage looking beautiful, human, and normal. But I can’t, but I write beautiful Musica that's my true way in. Christine will sing it being the body I never had! What I mean is I have been deformed my whole life, never seen as human o normal. like her. I tried letting others see me as a woman, but that wasn’t right. Man feels a lot closer, but te still have to explain that really te are not a man nor woman te are they. Admittedly having people assume I’m an ugly monster is the closest I will ever get to being considered a them.
I go to her dressing room to congratulate her and Meg Giry Madam Giry’s daughter is there saying,
“Christine te are so perfect I could never sing like you!”
“And I could never dance like you!” Christine laughed.
“So your Angel of Musica did come!” Meg clapped her hands excitedly
I always knew the Angel of Musica would!” Christine was trembling, “ it’s… all just… overwhelming”
“You need not be overwhelmed-” Before Meg could finish her sentence Madame Giry burst through the door.
“Meg Giry Your dancing was atrocious! te will practice until te are too tired to stand!”
Madame Giry dragged Meg away!
a young man whom she calls Raoul comes to her dressing room next, they talk about the Angel of Musica as if they are old friends.
“I know the belief your father instilled in te is important to you…” the man called Raoul said.
“But te no longer believe yourself” Christine’s voice quivered.
“Well… the Angel of Musica isn’t in the Bible… Raoul replied
“Then leave me!” Christine cried out!
I would mostra her I believed!
On our way down, I heard Joseph Boquet saying “The Phantom looks like a yellow skeleton!” Didn’t anybody teach him it’s rude to lie and spread rumors?
She belongs to me she will follow her Angel of Musica into the mirror, and down to my lair! I have made a wedding dress so we can be one. She is enraptured da the inhuman beauty of my voice which I have as my only beautiful feature to make her fall in Amore with me, as I sing her a lullaby. When she wakes up in the morning she comes over to see the song I am Scrivere for her.
“You are Scrivere an Opera?”
“It’s about Don Juan and his obsession with a beautiful woman.”
“You mean like Faust?
“Awww but It doesn’t end tragically for Don Jaun gets to live happily with his true love!
“ So it’s a fairytale?”
“No Daun Jaun has sex with many women” I answered
“Why are te drawn to a man like that?” Christine is horrified.
“Because it’s manly” I declare
“That’s not manly that’s animalistic!” Christine exclaims.
She pulls off my mask! She has caught me in my lie, I am no angel!
“You will be mine forever! How could te Amore something so animalistic? if I didn’t write Don Juan Triumphant for te ?! This is not the way I meant to tell te that I am neither an Angel nor a man o a woman I am the Phantom of the Opera, I am a they, and I am a them.” She just hands me my mask back. I am not sure she understands.
I take her back upstairs, I sent her admirer, Raoul de Changy a letter telling him I will Amore and care for her, and not to see her. I have written a letter to Missours André and Firman regarding casting Carlotta as the pageboy, so Christine can stay true to her true self! In the letter, however, I simply refer to the page boy as “the Silent Role” and to Carlotta’s horrible Canto voice. These two come from the giunca, spazzatura business, what does that have to do with Opera? They can’t understand that people get to be who they truly are on stage, even if they can’t in real life. The managers cast Carlotta as the Countess against my wishes! The Countess is a despicable woman who cheats on her husband, più befitting of Carlotta than Christine, but still, it’s the starring role and Christine must have it! I brood myself into a swirl of anger, and when I go to my box five he is in my box! To make things worse the audience is laughing at my Christine because she is dressed as a boy including him , if he truly loved her, he wouldn’t laugh!
“Did I not instruct that box five be kept empty for me?” I burst out, angrily!
“Your Part is silent, Little Toad” Carlotta jeered at my Christine, so I threw my voice into her mouth and croaked like a toad to make it clear she couldn’t sing because her cuore was as ugly as a toad! The performance is switched to ballet, and I am still angry even though Missour Firman promised me what I wanted! I spot the stagehand Joseph Boquet to be hunted down like a piece of meat for the rumor he spread! Once I strangle him to death with the Magical Lasso as he called it, I hang him above the stage making my feelings known! The audience screams! Faints! Christine runs away followed da him , I follow her to the roof.
“Raoul The Phantom of the Opera killed because they are in Amore with me, but I Amore you!”
“What do te mean “they?” Raoul asked.
“That haunted face that is so badly burned, it’s hard to tell if they are a man o woman, When the Angel of Musica speaks he sounds like a man. When she sings to match my vocal range she sounds like a woman” Christine explained.
“When did te see The Phantom’s face?” Raoul asked.
“In their Lair, below the Opera, oh Raoul when I took off their mask their anger was terrifying! It was like they didn’t want to admit they lied about being the Angel of Music”
“Of course not” Raoul agreed
“It was like they didn’t want me to know what they were ether”
“It’s only natural to be afraid of the unknown.” Raoul comforted.
I had dreadfully confused her, my poor Christine! She must be so frightened of me!
“Raoul take me away from here, I want to be with te forever!”
I clutch my chest and fall to my knees grabbing Apollo’s Lyre so I don’t fall. Why would anybody want to be with the thing I was anyway? Dashing back inside the Opera with a twirl and a swish of my cape, I drop the chandelier on all humans for Christine can never Amore me!
Over the successivo six months, I worked on my Opera Don Juan Triumphant about a man obsessed with a beautiful woman, a man is comfortable for me to pretend to be. Why not pretend to be a woman? I know I am not one. But being a man can suit the task of wooing my beloved Christine, the costume I designed for Daun Jaun is a cape with a cappuccio covering the face and the rest of the indumento is so loosely fitting that while it can hide the most masculine of features, it can also hide a woman’s breasts. So in this costume, Don Juan is a man- o no but not a woman an androgynous ghost of black. Black won’t concern anyone who thinks of Daun Jaun as a man, but I a them know who I am! This is why the costume makes me feel a happy energy that lifts me up into the sky! I finish the perfect final draft of Don Juan Triumphant at midnight on New Year’s Eve and dress as the Red Death, for plague, is neither male nor female, to attend the Masquerade. I make a slow but dramatic entrance coming down the stairs.
“I present to te all my new opera Don Jaun Triumphant! Christine is my leading lady! Piangi your shape will be perfect for the Don Jaun costume for te are a shapeless blob! Carlotta acts so badly I have dato her the smallest part. Managers, do as I say to do o die like Bouquet!”
I give them a letter with the same instructions, but they are all too busy complaining to even rehearse! This causes Christine to run away to her Father’s grave. At the grave, I asked her, “why do te believe in the Angel of Music?”
“Because without my father’s promise to send the Angel to me he'd be dead!” Christine responded.
Raoul rushes into the graveyard, “Christine whatever te may believe this thing is inot your father!” Where did he get the idea that the Angel of Musica and her father were the same person?
I throw fuoco at both Raoul and Christine until they run away! I return to being a professional at rehearsals. I play the song I wrote for the chorus in a hypnotic manner causing perfect performances even out of Carlotta! Christine is perfect as always!
The curtain goes up on Don Jaun Triumphant that very night I stealthily trade places with Piangi. And sing with my true Amore with and about intense passion! Then she figures out it’s me and whips off the hood! With my male features visible I feel invisible! When I was a woman I felt even più invisible, in the costume I felt like what I truly was a them!
The only thing I can do now is plead for her love.
“You are my Angel like I am yours…’ I plead.
As if to deny this she pulls off my mask! The thing the audience sees is not the thing I am and humiliated and devastated and aggrieved, I kidnap her and drag her back to my lair.
“How could te not let the audience see who I truly am? Did te like it when they laughed at te as the Pageboy?” No one can see what I am beyond my accursed face!” I wish I had your perfect face!”
Raoul comes gallantly down to rescue her! I hang Raoul up with the Magical Lasso
“You will marry me o he dies!” I demand.
“You based our friendship on a lie!” she shrieked.
“I told te I am neither an Angel nor a man o a woman I am the Phantom of the Opera, I am they, and I am them!’
“You detto te were the Angel of Musica when I asked you!” she argued.
“I did not know what te were talking about! I just Amore music!” I admitted.
“Don’t blame her for your behavior!’ yelled Raoul.
“I’m sorry Christine I didn’t mean to hurt you” I apologized.
“I was afraid because I knew te lied” explained Christine, “Why did te kill Joseph Bouquet?’
“I was angry people laughed at te as the Pageboy, I had to express my anger, and he told people I looked like and I quote a Yellow Skeleton!” I admitted
“Why would te think that’s ok? Killing is an overreaction to rudeness!’ Raoul was horrified!
“I have never felt loved! My mother abandoned me at birth!”
“I Amore you!” Christine rushed to me and hugged and kissed me on the lips!
I started to cry because I was so happy a human loved me! And I let them go and became once again a Phantom which is just a ghost.