Dear The-One-I’m-Glad-I-Never-Kept

I smile now, not like before. It seems like after te had hurt me, I got over te pretty quick, I guess I never really loved te and te were a waste of my time, and when te left I think part of me was relieved, I wasted my time crying, I guess I was blind.

That smile there, on my face, he put it there. Remember those three months te had put me down, made me cry, and I was still stupid enough to stay? He re-wrote that in two, he replaced my permanent frown, with a smile.

Do te remember that giorno I was crying, and I had went to te with support? Today I still wish I hadn’t, te had laughed and told me not to be such a baby, that I was being silly. And remember how later that night, when we had had our first fight, and te had called me a good for nothing ugly cagna who was a waste of time and space, and I was only good for making excellent sandwiches? Remember how I had ran away crying? It was him, my friend, I ran to, who had wiped my tears away with his camicia sleeve and told me everything was going to be okay, and asked me what had happened. When I told him he was shocked, and told me that I was più amazing then I could ever know, and te were a fucking idiot, and to never believe anything different anyone else told me.

Remember how te had dato me your sweater, and I had been so happy? I realize now, that two hours before one of your Friends were hitting on me when te had walked in, and got all tense, and te were claiming your territory, te might as well have pissed on me. I realize now that the sweater didn’t feel of warmth and care, but cold, hard, possessiveness. Today he gave me his sweater because I had shivered, and he didn’t want me to catch a cold, when I zipped it up to my chin and settled into it, he laughed and detto “Baby te look great in my sweater.”

Remember the pressure te had dato me for sex, and every time I detto no, you’d flip? Remember how it left me a little screwed in the head? When I had told him I was uncomfortable with where his hand was, da accident, he blushed madly, and we had gotten into THE conversation all young adults in a mature relationship have. Then I told him that I wasn’t ready for sex, and I wouldn’t be soon, not at fifteen, he had grinned, and laughed, and told me that things were going to sposta at whatever pace I felt comfortable with.

Remember when your Friends jokingly told te that te were whipped and my bitch, and te had gone ape-shit and argued with him? Some of his Friends joked about the same thing, and he had put his arm around me kissed my hair, and detto “Yeah I guess I am, but I’m her happy bitch”.
Remember how I had rested my head against your shoulder and te had pushed it away saying “Cuddling is for wimps.” I fell asleep and he slipped his arm around me and let me use his chest as a pillow.

Remember when I was nervous for that test, and te detto grow-up? Recently I had been preparing a speech, and I was incredibly nervous to present it, as I was standing in front of the class, sputtering out my words as fast as I could, my eye caught his, and he mouthed “I Amore you, you’re doing great.”

Remember that giorno I had come to school wearing sweats, and a Skillet Tee-Shirt, with no make-up, and my hair a mess because my alarm didn’t go off? Remember how te had looked at me disgusted and detto “You’re seriously not dressed like that?” Today the same thing happened and he smiled and welcomed me into the conversation he was having with his friends, put his arm around me, and when he got a spare moment whispered softly in my ear “You look stunning today.”
And vice-versa, remember that dress that I wore and te had looked at me and detto “Damn my girls a hottie!” and spent the entire night trying to slip your hand up my skirt, and after I had rejected all your advances, te started dancing with every girl there? I wore that same dress to a school hosted winter concerto with him, and he had looked at me funny and detto “Babe, you’re beautiful, but aren’t te going to be cold?” and handed me his coat.

I guess the difference between te and him, is that I think he cares, and I guess te never did.

Amore from The-One-You-Will-Wish-You-Had-Never-Let-Go

p.s I still wish te the best, and I hope te grow-up soon. But the way I feel about him, isn’t going to change anytime soon, and the way I hate te is never going to change. So don’t bother thinking I want te back.