"I think it's working," Carissa smiled at me. I sat between her and Rigby on the bench. Already, I felt great. My cuore was racing, and I almost couldn't sit still. After a few moments though, my eyes started to hurt. "They're just dilating," Carissa told me. "Here." She took off her sunglasses and handed them to me. I noticed her eyes seemed sunken in, and there were gray circles underneath her eyes. She blew her cigarette smoke in my direction.
"Thanks," I detto energetically. My mind was racing, I could barely spit out the words.
"Just don't tell anyone," Jordan detto on the other side of the circle. "We don't need to get busted again."
"It'll be fine," Carissa detto calmly, sucking on her cigarette again. She looked at me. "You won't tell... Will you?" Was she kidding me? I hadn't felt this great in forever! I don't think I'd ever been the happy; period!
"No," I detto quickly.
"Good," Carissa said.
:"We'll give this to te free for a week," Rigby said. "But successivo week you're gonna have to start paying for it. This stuff gets pretty expensive."
"Ok," I replied. How bad could it be? Already, I knew it'd be worth it. The campana, bell rang, and we started heading inside. I handed Carissa her sunglasses back when we got inside, but it still hurt a little bit, from the lights hanging overhead.
"Here," Carissa said. She ruffled my hair, moving my bangs in front of my face. "Just don't make eye contact with anyone, and they won't know. te look like a freakin' owl." She grinned at me before heading off to class.
***
After school, my high was over. I ciclomotore around, waiting for the bus. I almost wanted to cry, when the empty feeling returned, making me feel più empty than ever.
"Hey Shelby," Emery said. Jezreel showed up at his side, still nearly silent. "We missed te at lunch." Miss me? They never even eat with me.
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"...Where were you?" he prompted.
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but then remembered what Jordan had said. I can't tell anyone about this. And Emery already knew what Carissa and her Friends were up to; he'd know what we were doing. "I had to finish a test," I detto quickly.
"Oh," he replied. A car pulled up, with a woman waving at us. "That's my mom," Emery said. Jezreel followed him to the car, and they both got in, finally leaving me alone.
"Hey you," a sweet voice detto behind me. I turned around to see Carissa. Already, I felt relaxed with her around me. She reached over and put a paper bag in the pocket of my hoodie. "You'll probably need this," she winked at me. Her face grew serious. "Again. Don't get caught."
"I won't. I promise." Carissa nodded slowly, like she was scanning me.
"Ok... Cause I got caught last year, and I do not want that happening again," she sighed. She bit the inside of her cheek, then shrugged. "Well, I'll see ya later. Have fun," she smiled at me.
***
I closed the front door, feeling very guilty.
"Hi Shelby," Blair called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I said, walking slowly up the stairs. Blair walked around and stood at the bottom. Her innocent eyes felt like missiles pointed at me.
"Have any trouble at school today?" Her domanda made my cuore lunge, but then I remember telling her about bullies.
"Uh... No.." I said. Before she could speak again, I spoke quickly." I should get working on my homework." I ran up the rest of the stairs into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I even actually worked on my homework for a while.
Once I was finished, I carefully took the paper bag out of my pocket, and examined it. It was powder cocaine, the same stuff I'd been dato earlier. I poured a tiny bit of it onto my fingers, and rubbed it, testing myself. Sure, the high was great. But what if Emery had been serious about Carissa and her friends? Did I really want to go down this road? At that moment, everything flooded to mind. Mom. Matt. The pain. The neglect. The loneliness. Feeling the weigh of the world on my shoulders. Practically having to be a mother to my sisters. Being their teacher. Their protector. Feeling like everything was my fault. Knowing everything was Mom's fault. Being abandoned da her.
I need this. Just before I raised my hand to my nose, there was a tap on the door, and Blair let herself in. I quickly shoved the paper bag into the drawer of my desk, and wiped the powder off onto my pant leg.
"You doin' alright?" Blair asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?" She walked in closer, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
"I just want to make sure you're feeling ok. te seem to be... te haven't really adjusted well to these changes. Not that I blame you. I was thinking.... Maybe you'd want to see someone?" I blinked. "To talk?" Silence. "Like a therapist?" she prompted. Oh crap.
"Uh, no," I detto quickly. "No, no, no. I'm fine," I insisted.
"Are te sure?" Blair asked unsurely. I nodded.
"Yeah. Things are gonna get better. I promise." Blair still didn't look convinced. "And... I even made some Friends today." Her face perked up.
"Really?"
"Really. And... I was thinking about hanging out with them soon. If that's ok."
"That's fine, Shelby! I'm glad te made some friends." Blair patted my head before leaving, thankfully closing the door behind her. I sighed, slumping down in my seat, and taking out the paper bag from my scrivania, reception drawer.
Yeah, I told myself, things are going to get better.
"Thanks," I detto energetically. My mind was racing, I could barely spit out the words.
"Just don't tell anyone," Jordan detto on the other side of the circle. "We don't need to get busted again."
"It'll be fine," Carissa detto calmly, sucking on her cigarette again. She looked at me. "You won't tell... Will you?" Was she kidding me? I hadn't felt this great in forever! I don't think I'd ever been the happy; period!
"No," I detto quickly.
"Good," Carissa said.
:"We'll give this to te free for a week," Rigby said. "But successivo week you're gonna have to start paying for it. This stuff gets pretty expensive."
"Ok," I replied. How bad could it be? Already, I knew it'd be worth it. The campana, bell rang, and we started heading inside. I handed Carissa her sunglasses back when we got inside, but it still hurt a little bit, from the lights hanging overhead.
"Here," Carissa said. She ruffled my hair, moving my bangs in front of my face. "Just don't make eye contact with anyone, and they won't know. te look like a freakin' owl." She grinned at me before heading off to class.
***
After school, my high was over. I ciclomotore around, waiting for the bus. I almost wanted to cry, when the empty feeling returned, making me feel più empty than ever.
"Hey Shelby," Emery said. Jezreel showed up at his side, still nearly silent. "We missed te at lunch." Miss me? They never even eat with me.
"Yeah," I said, nodding.
"...Where were you?" he prompted.
"I..." I opened my mouth to speak, but then remembered what Jordan had said. I can't tell anyone about this. And Emery already knew what Carissa and her Friends were up to; he'd know what we were doing. "I had to finish a test," I detto quickly.
"Oh," he replied. A car pulled up, with a woman waving at us. "That's my mom," Emery said. Jezreel followed him to the car, and they both got in, finally leaving me alone.
"Hey you," a sweet voice detto behind me. I turned around to see Carissa. Already, I felt relaxed with her around me. She reached over and put a paper bag in the pocket of my hoodie. "You'll probably need this," she winked at me. Her face grew serious. "Again. Don't get caught."
"I won't. I promise." Carissa nodded slowly, like she was scanning me.
"Ok... Cause I got caught last year, and I do not want that happening again," she sighed. She bit the inside of her cheek, then shrugged. "Well, I'll see ya later. Have fun," she smiled at me.
***
I closed the front door, feeling very guilty.
"Hi Shelby," Blair called from the kitchen. "How was your day?"
"Fine..." I said, walking slowly up the stairs. Blair walked around and stood at the bottom. Her innocent eyes felt like missiles pointed at me.
"Have any trouble at school today?" Her domanda made my cuore lunge, but then I remember telling her about bullies.
"Uh... No.." I said. Before she could speak again, I spoke quickly." I should get working on my homework." I ran up the rest of the stairs into my bedroom, closing the door behind me. I even actually worked on my homework for a while.
Once I was finished, I carefully took the paper bag out of my pocket, and examined it. It was powder cocaine, the same stuff I'd been dato earlier. I poured a tiny bit of it onto my fingers, and rubbed it, testing myself. Sure, the high was great. But what if Emery had been serious about Carissa and her friends? Did I really want to go down this road? At that moment, everything flooded to mind. Mom. Matt. The pain. The neglect. The loneliness. Feeling the weigh of the world on my shoulders. Practically having to be a mother to my sisters. Being their teacher. Their protector. Feeling like everything was my fault. Knowing everything was Mom's fault. Being abandoned da her.
I need this. Just before I raised my hand to my nose, there was a tap on the door, and Blair let herself in. I quickly shoved the paper bag into the drawer of my desk, and wiped the powder off onto my pant leg.
"You doin' alright?" Blair asked. I nodded.
"Yeah. Fine. Why?" She walked in closer, making the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.
"I just want to make sure you're feeling ok. te seem to be... te haven't really adjusted well to these changes. Not that I blame you. I was thinking.... Maybe you'd want to see someone?" I blinked. "To talk?" Silence. "Like a therapist?" she prompted. Oh crap.
"Uh, no," I detto quickly. "No, no, no. I'm fine," I insisted.
"Are te sure?" Blair asked unsurely. I nodded.
"Yeah. Things are gonna get better. I promise." Blair still didn't look convinced. "And... I even made some Friends today." Her face perked up.
"Really?"
"Really. And... I was thinking about hanging out with them soon. If that's ok."
"That's fine, Shelby! I'm glad te made some friends." Blair patted my head before leaving, thankfully closing the door behind her. I sighed, slumping down in my seat, and taking out the paper bag from my scrivania, reception drawer.
Yeah, I told myself, things are going to get better.
I wrote this is five minutes. Not that good, I know.
It's in the point of view of a fire.
It's in a fireplace in a living room.
Hope te enjoy.
Read to the rhythym te would
'The Night Before Christmas'
I flickered and jumped
and sat on the logs
and watched as the human
kicked off his clogs.
The dog soon followed
and sat da his side
and they soon were asleep
and my flame soon died.
But a flicker did linger
and I wondered a bit.
When would be the successivo time
that I would be lit?
-starwarsfangirl
5/4/10
It's in the point of view of a fire.
It's in a fireplace in a living room.
Hope te enjoy.
Read to the rhythym te would
'The Night Before Christmas'
I flickered and jumped
and sat on the logs
and watched as the human
kicked off his clogs.
The dog soon followed
and sat da his side
and they soon were asleep
and my flame soon died.
But a flicker did linger
and I wondered a bit.
When would be the successivo time
that I would be lit?
-starwarsfangirl
5/4/10
I am bored with love
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity
Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two da fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone
Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed our bodies to become another pair of hollow shadows that make Amore to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the rose are dying
and it's passionless limbs
that drape over my bed
in a lethargic state of impotence
while wearing the same red heart
my soul picked up hitchhiking
off highway serendipity
Now here we are
alone in togetherness
trying to build dreams
with two da fours and glue,
but even a home
won't tie us together
when our hearts live alone
Poetic vows cliched
into nothingness
like all words do, eventually
and we allowed our bodies to become another pair of hollow shadows that make Amore to a wall
instead of each other
and we wonder why
the rose are dying
jamie is a beautiful girl. she has long ,blond hair,she has a rosa camicia and dark blue jeans. she was the cousin of lindsey.
she was walking her dog,sweetie,when,jamie tripped on a rock. she thn fell into the arms of trent.
'hell," he said.
"thnks for saving me,abd hi."
"you okay?"
"yeah,but,i,need to rest,and my house is pretty far from here.
"you can com,e over. i live across."
"thanks,um,"
"trent."
"trent."
they went to trents house,and they went up to his rom
"and this is my room."
i had a gray wall,with gutiar poster,and a bed.closet,drawers and other things.
"wow,thats a cool room."
"thanks."
"listen,do te have a girlfreind?"
"no,why?'
"i dont,do te wanna go out?"
"okay."
"so.."
then trent kissed jamie,and thats hat went on for the rest of the day.
she was walking her dog,sweetie,when,jamie tripped on a rock. she thn fell into the arms of trent.
'hell," he said.
"thnks for saving me,abd hi."
"you okay?"
"yeah,but,i,need to rest,and my house is pretty far from here.
"you can com,e over. i live across."
"thanks,um,"
"trent."
"trent."
they went to trents house,and they went up to his rom
"and this is my room."
i had a gray wall,with gutiar poster,and a bed.closet,drawers and other things.
"wow,thats a cool room."
"thanks."
"listen,do te have a girlfreind?"
"no,why?'
"i dont,do te wanna go out?"
"okay."
"so.."
then trent kissed jamie,and thats hat went on for the rest of the day.
i dindnt say anything for a minute,then i spoke.
'do te know why?"
'well,she detto something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come da my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
'do te know why?"
'well,she detto something about an old friend in texas." izzy told me.
"you dont think.."
"maybe.where else could she have gone?"
"come da my house after school,i have plan."
After school,izzy came over.We went to my room.
"what are we gonna do?"izzy asked,as soon as she walked in the room.
"wee gonig to find aslee" i siad,trying to sound as serious as possible.
"youre kidding,right? i mean,where are we gonna go?"izzy said.
"texas"
she stared at me.Blankly.Not saying a thing.As if she was gonna drop dead.
"izzy?"i asked,trying to get her back to reality.
"you must be on drugs," she said
"what?"
"youve got to be joking me.i mean,your mom is not gonig to take us,my mom is dead,and theres no way ere gonna..wait...your not saying?
"yep,wee going to texas"
poem 1:the world
the sun shines bright
there's day,and there's night
both are beautiful sights
this is the world
Winter,spring,summer,and fall
is a magical season
so there is no reason
for te to hate
seasons so great
we are all one
we need the sun
we need the air
we all care
about the world
poem 2:love
there is something above
we cant see it
we cant bee it
but we all know what it is
it is love
Amore is what we need
to live,to breath
to be what we can be
we all need love
Amore is power
Amore is strong.
thats why Amore songs
are so very strong
Poem 3:run (this one isnt all that good)
in the sun
is where i run
away from here
ill not be near
Something that will kill me
something that can be
so deadly and strong
and can kill me with a song
thats why i run
in the sun
i still remember te hum.
im sorry i must run.
the sun shines bright
there's day,and there's night
both are beautiful sights
this is the world
Winter,spring,summer,and fall
is a magical season
so there is no reason
for te to hate
seasons so great
we are all one
we need the sun
we need the air
we all care
about the world
poem 2:love
there is something above
we cant see it
we cant bee it
but we all know what it is
it is love
Amore is what we need
to live,to breath
to be what we can be
we all need love
Amore is power
Amore is strong.
thats why Amore songs
are so very strong
Poem 3:run (this one isnt all that good)
in the sun
is where i run
away from here
ill not be near
Something that will kill me
something that can be
so deadly and strong
and can kill me with a song
thats why i run
in the sun
i still remember te hum.
im sorry i must run.
I remember the times of the i Amore you's
and times when it was i hate you.
But te come back begging at me feet.
And when my pity defeated me.
and the sweet seranades, in our matching shades.
My rose collection, evidence of your effection.
The sheets unmade, from the nights te stayed.
The child in me, from the times te loved me.
The debt te owe, from using the word borrow.
The times i was scared, was the time te spared.
And this dress i wear, in which are people become aware, that te are gone, and withdrawn.
The memories i hold, they are written in bold.
my broken heart, from when te apart.
so rest now my love, up now from above.
and times when it was i hate you.
But te come back begging at me feet.
And when my pity defeated me.
and the sweet seranades, in our matching shades.
My rose collection, evidence of your effection.
The sheets unmade, from the nights te stayed.
The child in me, from the times te loved me.
The debt te owe, from using the word borrow.
The times i was scared, was the time te spared.
And this dress i wear, in which are people become aware, that te are gone, and withdrawn.
The memories i hold, they are written in bold.
my broken heart, from when te apart.
so rest now my love, up now from above.