Birthday Time Dawn! <3

Ways to be truly offensive at a funeral...

Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make Amore with you.

Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until te find your contact lens.

Punch the body and tell people that he hit te first.

Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.

Ask someone to take a snapshot of te shaking hands with the deceased.

At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.

Walk around telling people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.

Ask the widow to give te a kiss.

Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.

Tell the...

lmao! Just got this 5 minuti ago. Enjoy!

God works in mysterious ways

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident on a snowy, cold Monday morning; it's a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the man is yelling about women drivers.

The woman says, 'So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but we're unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should be Friends and live in peace for the rest of our days'.

Flattered, the man replies, 'Oh yes,...

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" o "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He detto he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me...