Bill Gates Goes to Heaven
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up da St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send te to Heaven o Hell. After all, te enormously helped society da putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet te also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let te decide where te want to go."
Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let te visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," detto Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy spiaggia with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!"
"Fine," detto St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angeli drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as te desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured da demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "this is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up da St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send te to Heaven o Hell. After all, te enormously helped society da putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet te also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let te decide where te want to go."
Bill replied, "well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let te visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," detto Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy spiaggia with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I really want to see heaven!"
"Fine," detto St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angeli drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as te desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured da demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "this is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???
"That was a demo," replied St. Peter
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File your nails: Every week te need to file te nails. Why? Because when te file your nails your body receives the message that it is time to regenerate your nails again. When this happens, the nail comes through stronger and in this way, will last longer.
Don't use too much polish: At least a couple of days a week go without polish and give your nails time to breathe.
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Three nurses all decided to play a joke on the doctor they worked for. Later in the day, they all got together on break and discussed what they had done to the doctor. The first nurse said, "I put cotton in his stethoscope so he couldn't hear. The secondo nurse said, "Well, I did worse than that. I poked holes in all his condoms. The third nurse fainted.***************
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weirdness from inside my mind
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its nice to see the rIsing sun
its nice to stay up Late
i like the sound of a hOover
i dont like the word Vegan
nobody likes my fEet
i like red except when itS blood on My sheet
this world is so rAndom
but i Like it that way
Lemons are sour
your Brain is sO frazzled
nOBody detto it Would be easy
I am noT a Hairy monster
Bann the bomb
I like that saying
i like Goats
Not as much as frogs
sInging is good
i think: Praying is worthless
panda are cute
Legs are funny
mEn think im weird
So do women.
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its nice to see the rIsing sun
its nice to stay up Late
i like the sound of a hOover
i dont like the word Vegan
nobody likes my fEet
i like red except when itS blood on My sheet
this world is so rAndom
but i Like it that way
Lemons are sour
your Brain is sO frazzled
nOBody detto it Would be easy
I am noT a Hairy monster
Bann the bomb
I like that saying
i like Goats
Not as much as frogs
sInging is good
i think: Praying is worthless
panda are cute
Legs are funny
mEn think im weird
So do women.
One day, two american tourists were driving through Nova Scotia, argueing about the name of the town. Finally, assuming neither of them were right, they decided to stop and have something to eat for lunch. When they got into the restraunt, the waitress asked them if they were ready to order. Yeah, but first could te pronounce the name of where we are,veeerryyy slllooowwwlllyy? detto the wife, smiling. Of course, the waitress said, noticing the two were american.
Tiiiiiimmmmmm Hooooorrrrrttttoooonnnnsss.
Hope that made te laugh.
Here are 2 random facts:
They don't sell Smarties o Shreddies in America.
They dont have Walmart in America.
Tiiiiiimmmmmm Hooooorrrrrttttoooonnnnsss.
Hope that made te laugh.
Here are 2 random facts:
They don't sell Smarties o Shreddies in America.
They dont have Walmart in America.
I made this lista before, but I guess I deleted it. Not sure why.. But it gives me an excuse to do again.. I hope I can do it better too..
10: NORMAN BATES:
Only reason he's last is because I never watched the movies, I don't know the francise. But come on, it's Psycho, of coarse it goes on the list. To the meme'd to hell violin, to the famish twist he was a crossdresser with diviso, spalato personality. This movie is a icon, it's been studied and talked about to death..
9: VALEK:
While he's no Pazuzu (but who is), Valek is in my opinion the best...
continue reading...
10: NORMAN BATES:
"We all go a little mad sometimes."
Only reason he's last is because I never watched the movies, I don't know the francise. But come on, it's Psycho, of coarse it goes on the list. To the meme'd to hell violin, to the famish twist he was a crossdresser with diviso, spalato personality. This movie is a icon, it's been studied and talked about to death..
9: VALEK:
While he's no Pazuzu (but who is), Valek is in my opinion the best...
