Redneck

A few years af'er th' debacle thet had led t'an insane crost country trip wif a delushunal, eff'n hansum, white houn'dog an' a mighty delushunal hamster, Mittens foun' herse'f, once agin, lonely. Th' part of th' country she lived in, th' Midwest, was profoun'ly emppy of other cats. She had yet t'see mo'e than one other houn'dog on account o' they'd moved thar af'er th' studio fuoco in Los Angeles. Th' solitude both cheered an' depressed her. It was cheerful on account o' thar wasn't Gatti aroun' thet'd be able t'ferret away Penny's affeckshuns, but depressin' thet thar wasn't Gatti aroun' at all, ah reckon. But, in Mittens' eyes, thar were no Gatti on Earth thet c'd stan' up t'her crush, Bolt. She knowed it'd be a stretch, on account o' of th' difference in species, but she'd harbo'ed a faint hope thet he'd see past thet an' fall in Amore of her in return, as enny fool kin plainly see. Thus far, though, he'd rebuffed her ev'ry time she tried t'make an advance on her. It had allus been a juntle let down on Bolt's part, but it had stung her thet, even af'er all thet they had been through, he didn't feel ennythin' beyond friendship fo' her. He preferred t'spend his time eifer wif Penny o' wif a pair of Lupi he'd come acrost on an adventure into th' fo'ests a few miles away.

They were called Kate an' Humphrey. They were mates an' seemed t'be madly in Amore of etch other. It made Mittens amaro thet it seemed ev'ry one but her c'd find love. Penny had a fellafriend she was dotin' on, an' even Rhino had someone. She'd made her displeasure fine known on a few occashuns, even gwine so far as t'ketch Humphrey, th' gray-furred one, acrost th' face wif a wild swipe. Kate had been most upset about thet an' it was only through Bolt's doin' thet she'd not suffered ennythin' fo' it.

She sighed, refusin' t'accepp th' fack thet her love'd nevah return th' sentiment. Fum her lof'y pertica, pesce persico on th' roof of th' house, she c'd see fo' miles aroun'. Currently, she was keepin' an eye on Bolt, who was foolin' aroun' in th' front yard, cuss it all t' tarnation. Thankfully, Penny's fellafriend was not present. She'd be gwine out wif him later thet night, an' was plannin' on usin' th' time wif her gone t'try a noo routine wif Bolt. He was nevah harsh o' rude about it, but allus lissened t'her calmly an' graciously denied her advances.

Feelin' suddenly tired, she stood an' stretched, cuss it all t' tarnation. Knowin' of Mittens' likin' fo' th' roof, Penny had placed a sof' letto jest inside th' window an' this hyar is whar Mittens curled up fo' a nap. Her paw brushed aginst th' campana, bell on her collare as she settled down fo' a snooze. She closed her eyes, an' as she drif'ed off, her final thunk was, Whuffo' won't he Amore me?

Cockney

A few years after the debacle that 'ad led ter an insane attraversare, croce country trip wiv a delusional, right, if 'andsome, wite dog and a right delusional 'amster, Mittens found 'erself, once again, lonely. The part of the bloomin' country she lived in, right, the Midwest, was profoundly empty of uvver cats. She 'ad yet ter see più than one uvver cat since they'd moved there after the studio fuoco in Los Angeles. The solitude boff cheered and depressed 'er. It were cheerful because there weren't Gatti 'round that would be able ter furetto oray Penny's affections, but depressin' that there weren't Gatti 'round at all. But, right, in Mittens' mince pies, there were no Gatti on Earff that could stand up ter her crush, Bolt. She knew it would be a stretch, because of the difference in species, but she'd 'arbored a faint 'ope that 'e'd spot past that and fall in luv wiv 'er in return. So far, ffough, right, he'd rebuffed 'er evry time she tried ter make an advance on 'er. It 'ad always been a gentle let dahn on Bolt's part, but it 'ad stung 'er that, even after all that they 'ad been frough, he didn't feel anyfink beyond mateship for 'er. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? He preferred ter spend 'is time eever wiv Penny o wiv a pair of Lupi 'e'd come across on an adventure into the chuffin' forests a few miles oray.

They were called Kate and 'umphrey. They were mates and seemed ter be madly in luv wiv each uvver. It made Mittens amaro that it seemed evry one but 'er could find luv. Penny 'ad a boymate she were dotin' on, right, and even Rhino 'ad some bloke. She'd made 'er displeasure well known on a few occasions, right, even gahn so far as ter cotch 'umphrey, the bleedin' gray-furred one, right, across the Nanny Goat Race wiv a wild swipe. Cor blimey guv, would I lie to you? Kate 'ad been most upset about that and it were only frough Bolt's doin' that she'd not suffered anyfink for it.

She sighed, refusin' ter accept the fact that 'er luv would never return the chuffin' sentiment. From 'er lofty pertica, pesce persico on the roof of the house, she could spot for miles 'round. Currently, she were keepin' an eye on Bolt, right, 'oo were foolin' 'round in the bloomin' front yard. Thankfully, Penny's boychina were not present. Cor blimey guv! She would be gahn out wiv 'im later that night, and were plannin' on usin' the chuffin' time wiv 'er gone ter try a new routine wiv Bolt. He were never 'arsh o cheeky about it, but always listened ter her calmly and graciously denied 'er advances.

Feelin' suddenly tired, she stood and stretched. Knowin' of Mittens' likin' for the roof, right, Penny 'ad placed a soft letto just inside the window and this is where Mittens curled up for a nap. Her por brushed against the bloody campana, bell on 'er collare as she settled dahn for a snooze. She closed 'er mince pies, and as she drifted off, her final fought were, Why won't 'e luv me?

This was brought to te da the Dialectizer