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“Your father?” Arthur is mystified. The news hits him like a rock. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t know the man he drove over was Guinevere’s father! Why didn’t she tell him? Why did she keep this a secret from him? And was that image of the woman he thought he saw was really Guinevere? Arthur’s cuore sinks. He has been right; he did see her before knocking her father down. He wasn’t dreaming, neither is it a figment of his imagination. She was real and she is Guinevere! He feels dizzy and the world is spinning around him. Guinevere was speaking to him but he hears nothing. The only word he keeps hearing in his head is murderer! And it’s driving him crazy.
‘Why did she hide it from me and why lie to me again?’ Arthur shakes his head and bites his lips in anger. ‘She keeps on lying to me, why? Because I can’t see and won’t find out the truth, that’s why! She is making a fool of me, playing with my feelings because I am bloody blind! I trusted her with my life and this is how she treats me? She’s no better than my father… they are the same, both of them’ Arthur thinks to himself in rage.
Merlin is mystified as well. After searching high and low for the information about the man Arthur killed, his fonte of information is actually standing right here in the middle of the room. What a small world this is! Just like Arthur, he, too, wonders why Gwen didn’t tell them about her father. Why did she hide it? Was she afraid of what they might say o did she have her own motive behind it? Merlin is speechless. He looks at Arthur and doesn’t like the expression on his friend’s face. Arthur is pale and he seems to be in shock. Well, who wouldn’t be after finding out the man he accidentally killed is the man matters most in the life of the woman he likes. Merlin knows Arthur has feelings for Gwen, even though he hasn’t heard it from Arthur himself, and just when everything seemed to be progressing well, something like this has to happen. Why can’t Arthur be allowed have some happiness in his life? His thoughts about Arthur are broken off da Gwen’s strong words and he looks up at her, finding her standing with her hands on her hips, eyes welling with tears, and he thinks he sees her sobbing softly. He feels sad for her, but he also needs to hear some risposte as well.
“Yes, that man is my father! te wanted to know about my family and my father didn’t you, Arthur, so here te go! My father was killed da the same accident te were involved in… he was killed da your car, because of your reckless driving!” Gwen tells Arthur, staring hard at him. “There te go, the truth about my family! Satisfied?”
“You lied to me?” Arthur asks, his voice raspy. Gwen throws her hands in the air in frustration. Shaking her head, she takes a deep breath.
“I had to…”
“That’s bollocks, Guinevere!!! te deliberately lied to me about your father… and it’s the secondo time te lied to me!! How could you?” he suddenly shouts at her. Both Gwen and Merlin are taken back da Arthur’s sudden outburst.
“I didn’t do it on a purpose…”
“You expect me to believe te after all the lies you’ve said? What do te think I am… I’m not stupid, Guinevere!”
“I didn’t say te were stupid, Arthur…”
“But it’s what te think I am!”
“Why are te being so hard on me? te were thrashing my father right in my presence, and I had to defend him. That’s why I told te about him.”
“I’m glad I did, o I would have kept te from telling the truth, wouldn’t I… te would carry on lying to me and have me constantly look like a fool!”
“You…” Gwen slams her hand da her side in frustration. “You’re impossible to talk to!!” she adds.
“Yes, I am… because I found out the truth, right? Just because you’ve been caught red handed, I’m in the wrong now?”
‘What the…’ Gwen doesn’t understand why the discussion has taken such a different turn. “You’re mean, Arthur!!” she says bitterly. She hates him and it comes genuinely from her heart. She hates him for the way he has misunderstood her words, hates him for the way he is behaving right now and hates him for turning himself into a jerk!
“Who’s meaner Guinevere? te o me? I didn’t hide the truth… te did!”
“I had to, because…”
“You preached me about being my own man but why not use the same subject on te Guinevere? Why did te hide the truth about father? What are te so afraid of?”
“I wasn’t afraid of anything!” she wants to slap him right now.
Arthur laughs bitterly and slaps the floor, teasing her. “Yeah, that’s right… te are not afraid of anything that’s why te kept the truth away from me?”
“What’s your point, Arthur?” she is getting really annoyed da his behaviour.
“My point? Merlin… she’s asking me what’s my point. te want to know my point, Guinevere? Let me tell you… my point is simple: I just want to know why te hid the truth from me? That’s all… it’s a simple question. Why?”
“I don’t have to answer te any question. I’m leaving, Merlin,” she waves at Merlin and spins around.
“No you’re not, Guinevere… te will not leave this place until te have answered me!” Arthur shouts, stopping her from walking out from the place. She turns back around, her eyes glaring at him.
“Why should I answer you, Arthur? Huh, why? As far as I know, te are the one who should be answering me, not me to you!!” she walks back to him, kneels in front of him and grabs him da the collar, pulling him close. “Why?” she asks, her tears rolling down like flood. “Why Arthur? Tell me why should I answer you?”
Despite the shock of her grabbing his collar, Arthur retains his calm and speaks to her softly. “Because te owe me the truth, Guinevere, and I am not going to let te lie to me again, understand?”
“Fine, te want the truth… I’ll tell te the truth! te know why I hid the truth? Because I didn’t want te to feel guilty about what te did! I didn’t want te to punish yourself further!! It’s enough you’ve sacrificed your eyesight for my father, I didn’t want to inflict più pain da telling te the truth, that’s why, Arthur!! That’s why. There is no other hidden agenda in this lie… just this. I can’t allow te to punish yourself any più Arthur, try to understand me, please!!” she removes her hand from his collar, still in tears. She gets up and closes her eyes, her cuore feels like exploding, aching.
“Gwen…” Merlin calls out but she shakes her head.
“No, Merlin… let me cry, I have to. I have been keeping this inside me for a long time and your friend here wants the truth, so… here’s the truth,” she tells him. Merlin looks down and finds Arthur sitting down, expressionless. Gwen follows Merlin’s gaze but she isn’t surprised da Arthur’s silence. She expects it.
“When I first saw my father die, I wanted to kill you, Arthur,” she tells him, stepping close to Arthur.
“Gwen?” Merlin is shocked to hear such a statement from her. Gwen looks at Merlin and nods.
“Yes, Merlin, I very much wanted Arthur to die. I wanted to avenge my father’s death and te know what I did?” she turns back towards Arthur. “I visited te in the hospital, Arthur, and I was happy and relieved hearing te blind. Happy!! I didn’t know what I was thinking back then but I was happy! I enjoyed watching te suffer and in pain… God!!” Gwen wipes her tears. “I was thinking all sorts of stupid, reckless things in my head…. I wasn’t thinking rationally until I met te again in the hospital, right after knocking te down. It was then I realized what te gave up Arthur. I understood te and your sacrifice. I saw your pain, Arthur… I didn’t need to see it in your eyes, te know why?” she kneels back in front of him. “Because I felt it here,” she touches his heart. Arthur remains still. “I felt it here and that’s when I realized my mistakes. And I didn’t want to prolong your suffering. That’s why I decided to keep it from you. Not because I wanted to deceive your o any other shit te might think of, but because I didn’t want to see te hurt anymore.”
Arthur listens without saying a word. He doesn’t mostra any kind of emotions on his face. He knows he made a mistake when he took a life of man and now that guilt has deepened knowing it is Guinevere’s father. And he has been punishing himself for that guilt. But after listening to Guinevere’s confession, his cuore is laced with sadness. He has been angry with her for the lies she had been telling him, but she had her reasons and it sounds valid enough for forgiveness. But how will he forgive her when he himself seeks hers? He took away her family and accused her of concocting lies but all she’s been doing is easing him from his guilt. She hid the truth from him to protect him and he calls her a liar? How will he even speak to her after this?
Gwen wipes her tears and looks at Merlin. She notices his face is engulfed in sadness. She sniffs and turns back at Arthur.
“This is the truth, Arthur… all of it, and there are no più lies here to be told; not a single lie left between us anymore. I don’t know if you’ll believe me anymore o not, but this is the truth. te wanted it so badly, so here it is,” she tells him and gets to her feet.
Arthur still keeps silent, his head looking down at the floor. Merlin stands up and walks over towards Gwen. “Gwen… I’m sorry,” he says and embraces her. She accepts it and fresh tears starts to roll down her cheek. “I didn’t know te had to go through so much pain yourself. I’m sorry,” he adds.
“It’s all right Merlin; it’s not your fault… the man who demanded risposte from me is still keeping silent, so… there’s no point in me trying to prove my innocence any further. I’ll leave,” she says, preparing to leave.
“No, Gwen… look, we can get this settled,” Merlin tries but she smiles at him through her pain.
“It’s really sweet of you, Merlin, but I think it’s no use now. Thank te anyway,” she says and turns back, taking a step forward. But she stops short and turns around, her eyes fixed upon Arthur. He was still silent and she exchanges glances with Merlin who looks back at her sadly. She forces a sad smile and turns back towards Arthur. Her cuore beats rapidly. She doesn’t know if what she is about to do is right o wrong but she has to say this now o she will be forever burdened da the guilt of not saying it for the rest of her life. She knows da now that Arthur’s impression of her may have taken a different turn, so she doesn’t care if he wants to listen o not. But she will definitely tell him. She must. She has to. It’s now o never. She walks ahead and crouches before him, reaching up to touch his chin, turning his face towards her. His face looks distraught and pale. It breaks her cuore to see him like this, but what can she do? She has tried confessing and he hasn’t spoken to her yet, and that can mean only one thing: he hasn’t forgiven her. Gwen removes her fingers from Arthur’s chin and sighs, her hands getting cold. Arthur hears her sigh but he still chooses to keep his silence.
“I understand your silence, Arthur, and I’m not going to demand risposte like te did. But I want te to know how I feel,” Gwen begins. Arthur listens patiently. Behind him Merlin continues to watch with his hands thrust into his pockets. Gwen ponders her successivo words. How will she say this to him? What will he say? How will he react? What will happen? She sniffs and blows softly. Her heartbeat is getting stronger as time ticks by.
‘Say it, Gwen… just go ahead and say it!’ she hears herself saying. ‘I have to do this… have to’ she tells herself.
“I like you, Arthur Pendragon. I really do. This feeling, whatever it is… I can’t describe it, but it’s più than what we share together. It’s not just friendship, I suppose,” she licks her lips. She looks at him and he still hasn’t flinched yet. “It’s più than that… it’s something else,” she tells him, and for a moment she thought she saw him move. “Something I am still exploring and finding out about, but it’s certainly a feeling I have never felt for any man before,” she says. Behind her Merlin smiles and looks up at the ceiling, thanking the Lord silently.
“This is not sympathy, Arthur, nor it is because of guilt. This is a genuine feeling, blossomed right from my heart. I want te to know that,” she sighs and looks away. Words are getting hard to come da as she tries to get to the point. And Arthur is still silent. What the hell is wrong with him? Why isn’t he mostrare any response?
“Look, Arthur. I like te because te make me happy. Very happy indeed, and te cure me from the grief of losing my father. My father was my life, will always be, and losing him was like losing one part of myself. It’s a grief I could not recover from, until now. But your presence in my life has cured that sorrow, Arthur. Do te understand what I am trying to say here, Arthur?” she lifts his chin up again and stresses her words again. “I stopped smiling after my father’s death, but te brought that smile back to my face. te did, Arthur. And that’s when I realised my affection, my feelings for you. It was strong, unshakeable, and I still don’t know what it means, but it’s definitely più than friendship,” she tells him. “Sounds pretty stupid huh?” she laughs nervously. “But this is how I feel about you, Arthur. No one can understand my feelings, but te do, te can… and I also know te won’t buy any of this. I don’t care… I don’t care if te don’t believe me o think any better of me because I understand my place, Arthur, and I don’t blame you. But I just want te to know one thing: te mean più in my life than anyone else. te mean a lot to me, Arthur… and that’s why it hurts me to see te suffer. I don’t want te to sacrifice any more, not for me o for my father. Enough! Everything you’ve dato up so far, it’s enough. Please stop feeling guilty, Arthur. What happened was fate, and there’s nothing te o me o anyone could have done to prevent it. te are not the only one guilty in this. I am, too, but life goes on. I tried to tell te countless times but my words were Lost because my father was in the middle of your troubles and I couldn’t say anything at all. But I understand your feelings and I know you’ve been tortured da the guilt. But it has to stop. Right now.”
“I want te to know that I lied because I can’t orso to see te burdened da the guilt. If I have told te about my father, you’d be devastated, broken. I can’t bring myself to see te like that so I picked the only way I knew to save you: lying. It was immoral, yes, but I didn’t see anything wrong in that as long as I could save te from your endless sufferings. Only I didn’t see the consequences. But I am not ashamed of what I did, Arthur. te know why? If any of those lies can save te from the guilt, make your pain lesser, then I’m willing to lie a thousand times for you,” she finishes as soft sobs escapes her throat. Stroking the tear that rolled down her cheek, she gets up to her feet.
“I know this isn’t appropriate of me to confide my feelings to you, but I have to. I doubt you’ll see me after today and I want te to know how I feel about… us. If I don’t tell te this now, I won’t have another opportunity to say it, so… I saw the chance and took it. But these are my feelings, Arthur, and te don’t have to answer me anything. I don’t want to know yours because…” she chokes and Merlin knows she’s going to break down. Gwen reassures herself and sighs, “Because if te don’t like me… it’s better that I don’t hear it. I have nothing più to say… goodbye,” she turns on her heels and walks back to the door. Merlin looks at Arthur and then back at Gwen, his eyes widening.
“Gwen… please don’t…”
“It’s all right Merlin, I’ll be fine. Just take good care of him,” she tells Merlin and eyes Arthur. “One request please, Arthur… my father died in an accident and though you’ve been a part of it, it had nothing to do with you. It was fate and that’s how I see it. Please do not speak of my father like te did a while fa because that man died saving te and me… all I’m asking back in return is for te to respect him. That’s all te need to do for him in return… thank you, and goodbye, Arthur,” she says and leaves, closing the door behind her.
“Arthur…” Merlin calls but Arthur seems to be in a world of his own. Waving his hand in frustration, Merlin rushes to the door and opens it up but Gwen has left using the staircase, not willing to wait for the elevator. Merlin sighs in frustration and rushes back to Arthur, slamming the door behind him.
“She’s leaving, Arthur… let me go and get her,” Merlin suggests but Arthur is still silent.
“Arthur, she’s leaving!” Merlin stresses.
“Let her leave,” finally Arthur speaks, but keeps it short and crisp.
“What are…”
“Just let her go!”
“But,”
“Let her go, Merlin!!!” Arthur snaps at Merlin, looking up.
“You can’t be serious, Arthur… this is all a big misunderstanding and it can be rectified. Let me go and get her. Then we can sit down and talk and get this…”
“Drop it, Merlin!! It’s done and dusted and there’s nothing più te can do for any of us. If te talk anymore of this then I’ll be leaving next!” Arthur warns him and Merlin sighs, dropping his shoulder in defeat.
“Arthur?”
“I mean it, Merlin!” Arthur warns him again.
“Fine, whatever!” Merlin says in annoyance and sighs again. “What do te want me to do now?”
“Take me to my room please, Merlin”
Merlin obeys and guides Arthur to his room, helping him to sit down da the bed. Merlin’s face is grim. He is angry but he can’t mostra it to Arthur. How can Arthur allow her to leave like that? Without saying anything. Arthur was silent all the while she was explaining herself and didn’t utter a single a word to her. Was he angry with her? She explained why she lied, didn’t she, so what’s the big deal? Who hasn’t been lying? Everybody does and still gets away with it. Gwen lied for a reason and now her lies seem to be a great mistake for Arthur? If there is a lista of all the liars in the world, then Uther’s name will be the first to appear and then comes the rest. So is Arthur going to be angry with everyone?
“Is there anything else te want me to do?” Merlin asks without emotion. Arthur realizes the tone and he isn’t surprised.
“You have someplace to go?”
“I’ll like to go for a walk, clear my head… is there anything te need from me?”
“I heard te well, Merlin, thank you… are te angry with me?”
“Why should I be angry with te Arthur?”
“It seems to be in your voice.”
“Oh, so te are concerned, aren’t you? I thought te were beginning to turn heartless like your father.”
“Merlin…”
“I’m tired and I could do with some rest, but I really need this walk before I rest myself,” Merlin cuts his words off before Arthur can carry on. He is pissed and he doesn’t care if Arthur gets offended. He just wants to leave and clear his muddled head. Arthur nods.
“Fine… I shouldn’t be holding te back. I’ll manage from here, thank you, Merlin,” Arthur says and looks away. Merlin purses his lips and strides to the door. But he stops short, holds the edge of the door and clenches his teeth.
This isn’t what he should be doing, Merlin thinks. What Arthur did to Gwen is wrong but should Merlin be punishing his friend because of that? Arthur was exceptionally quiet all the while Gwen was explaining herself and no one knows what was going through his mind. He still refuses to talk and Merlin would really like to know what’s in his head. As his best friend, he deserves to know. But he is angry for Arthur’s cold shoulder to Gwen, so how on earth is he going to pesce the truth out from Arthur’s mind? And why on the bloody hell is Arthur giving such harsh treatment towards Gwen? That poor girl did clarify herself quite well, so what’s the matter? And she also confided her feelings for Arthur! She likes him and he knows Arthur likes her too. Their affection for one another would have surely gone further if something like this hadn’t come in their way. Not that it’s any obstacle o anything, it can still be achieved, but both Arthur and Gwen must have an open talk to settle this issue between them.
One problem though, Arthur is still refusing to talk, so how will Gwen achieve anything? Merlin turns back and watches as Arthur walks to his table, pulls out the chair but doesn’t sit down. He feels bad for his friend but he is also angry with him. Merlin likes Gwen and he was happy to hear her confession, but now Arthur’s getting on his nerves with his sudden silence. Merlin still needs his walk but he also has some bottled up issues which require a listening ear. Merlin wants to have some words with Arthur before he leaves and he can’t wait any longer. It’s now o never.
“Why did te do that, Arthur?”
“Do what?”
“Treat her like she didn’t exist?”
“I didn’t…”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Arthur. te did, and do not try to even deny it, yeah. te kept your mouth shut all the time she spoke to you, why? Why did te do that? She was pouring her cuore out to te and that’s all the reaction te gave her?”
“I don’t want to say anything, Merlin…”
“You have to; at least to me… I’m not Gwen, Arthur. I’m different and I want to know why were te behaving like an idiot?”
“So you’re on her side now?”
“I’m on nobody’s side, Arthur, I just want to know the bloody truth, and is it so hard for te to give me that?”
“Yes, and I don’t owe anyone any explanation, understand?”
“You owe me.”
“Says who?”
“I do.”
“Look, Merlin, te detto te needed your walk o something, so just get the hell out here. Leave me alone, will you?”
“What is wrong with you?” Merlin nears him and grabs Arthur da the shoulder, shaking him violently. He is angry and he is raging mad.
“You treated that poor girl as if she was a dirt, Arthur, screaming, thrashing her father and finally calling her a liar! Why? Because she lied to you? She had to and didn’t te hear her explanation? She had her reasons and I don’t find it deceiving at all. Couldn’t te at least consider?”
“You can’t tell me to do anything, Merlin, this is my life!”
“Fine, then I’m speaking on behalf of her, as her friend. I want the risposte now, Arthur, o I’m going to be pestering te all day!”
“Just leave…” Arthur pushes Merlin away but the latter holds on tightly.
“Answer me now!”
“What do te want to know?”
“Why did te do that to her?”
“I can’t…”
“Arthur!”
“Merlin, just…”
“Answer me Arthur!!” Merlin screams madly.
“Because I feel guilty, Merlin! That’s why!!” Arthur screams back at Merlin and peels himself away from his friend. Merlin, stunned da the answer, leaves him and continues to watch him. Arthur grabs the edge of the tavolo and hangs his head down. “I feel guilty!” Arthur repeats the answer, his words croaking in emotion.
“Why did te feel guilty Arthur?”
“Please, Merlin, not now …”
“Arthur, just tell me… please.” Merlin persuades softly.
“I killed her father, Merlin, I took away her happiness and then I blamed him for my disability, but… she didn’t blame me at all! Never once… didn’t te hear that Merlin? Didn’t te hear what she said?”
“I heard her, Arthur.”
“See, she didn’t say I caused her unhappiness but I did. I blamed her father, I accused her and I detto all those trashy things to her but, she didn’t blame me at all.” Arthur laughs da himself. He spins around and faces Merlin. “What’s much più impressive about her was that she lied for me Merlin. She cares for me, deeply and what did I do in return for her? What? Nothing!!” he tells Merlin. A single tear rolls down Arthur’s cheek. Arthur quickly strokes it away.
“And that’s why te feel guilty?”
“Yes, after hearing her confession, how in the world do te expect me to face her and say that I’m sorry? How Merlin? This is the secondo time we’ve fought and the secondo time I failed to understand her! But she understood me well… how Merlin? Tell me, how?”
“Arthur, I’m sure there is a way to solve this matter…”
“No, Merlin… I can’t face her anymore, not after what I detto to her. I feel ashamed of my behaviour and nothing in the world can make me meet up with her anymore.”
“So you’re not going to apologise?”
“I will, but I can’t face her anymore, not after what happened tonight,” Arthur tells Merlin.
“But she’ll forgive you, Arthur; didn’t te hear what she said?”
“I heard well, Merlin, but…”
“And she likes you, so… what’s stopping you?”
“I can’t, just can’t… please try to understand me…”
“You detto te like her, Arthur, and now te know she does too, so…?”
“Merlin…”
“I’m not going to leave te alone until I know the truth, Arthur.”
“Merlin… please.”
“You don’t like her, that’s why,” Merlin decides.
“No!!”
“Then?’
“I… I…”
“What, Arthur?”
“She deserves someone better, Merlin, she deserves happiness and I can’t give her that. I can’t be that person… she deserves a better man, and… I’m not that!” Arthur’s voice chokes with emotion.
“But she likes te Arthur, why can’t te consider that?”
“I don’t deserve her, Merlin… not after what I did to her.”
“Come on, Arthur, that’s bollocks, yeah!” Merlin throws his hands up in the air in frustration. “All because of your guilt?”
“She deserves happiness…”
“I agree, but with you, Arthur, with you! She’s going to agree with me when she hears this.”
“No Merlin, she mustn’t know any of this, please!” Arthur staggers towards Merlin and catches his friend’s arms, holding it tightly. “She shouldn’t know.”
“Arthur, come on!”
“No!!” Arthur shouts in annoyance. Why can’t Merlin get the picture?
“I am a blind fool, Merlin. I can’t provide her the happiness she deserves because I have nothing to offer. I can barely take care of myself and how do te think I can take care of her? I don’t want her to suffer because of me, because she has to take care of me, because I’m her burden… no, I’ll allow no such thing. I want her to be happy and she deserves that happiness. But unfortunately I’m not the one who can give her that. I am happy she likes me, but that’s all I can offer her back. I can be happy with her confession but I can’t reciprocate her feelings because up until now I kept piling più misery on her than happiness. Today, I was unable to save her and almost got her killed. I had to depend on others… how do te expect us to live together in the future? This is not what her father o brother would want for her. And this isn’t what I want for her.”
“But Arthur… she detto te made her smile”
“And I’d like her to keep that smile, Merlin.”
“And te believe she’ll be smiling with someone else?”
“She will be, if I behave like I did a while ago… I can pretend not to like her and she’ll find someone else in her life.”
“This is the worst rubbish I’ve heard in my life, Arthur! She will never be happy with anyone else, Arthur. She likes you, understand?”
“But I can’t afford to… te must understand Merlin. te have to know why I’m doing all this?”
“Rubbish!”
“Merlin!!” Arthur calls his friend’s name and releases his grip on Merlin. “I understand why te are angry and I don’t blame you. When we were attacked at the diner, I kept blaming myself. I couldn’t save Guinevere and it kept bugging me. I was amaro and with the guilt eating me up, I couldn’t face her. But when I heard the lies, I was pissed. I became my father for a bit and started making my own conclusions but when she confessed about her father, my guilt returned. I couldn’t face her o apologise because I was feeling shamed of everything I did. I owe her lot più than apologies Merlin, what I took away is… way too precious. Do te understand, Merlin? I was silent because I didn’t know what to do. And then came the confession. I was happy and sad to hear her confessing her feelings for me. Happy because I like her too, and if all this didn’t occur the way it did, I’d be reciprocating her feelings, but unfortunately I can’t, and that made me sad.”
“Listen Arthur, it still doesn’t have to end this way. te think your blindness stands in the way of your happiness with Gwen, so get the operation done, Arthur. te can still get your sight back and then te can make her happy. te can take care of her like te want. Gwen will understand and she’ll wait for you,” Merlin advises. But Arthur shakes his head.
“Don’t tell me that you’re plagued da the promise te made for Gwen’s father?”
“Merlin, I made that promise without knowing him to be Guinevere’s father, I promised upon a dead man and I want to honour him. Now the truth has been revealed and I really want to honour that promise più than ever. This is personal, Merlin, I am guilty and I owe his family this sacrifice.”
“But didn’t te hear Gwen telling te to stop sacrificing for her father?”
“Like I detto Merlin, this is personal.”
“This is rubbish!” Merlin says and sighs. Arthur keeps quiet. “Wait, is this because of your father? te don’t want to owe him and that’s why te refuse the operation?”
“No, I mean… that’s only one quarter true, but… I owe my conscience, Merlin. I killed a man and got away with it. And if I have the operation, it’s as if I didn’t do any wrong at all when it’s obvious I did. I’ll be living with the guilt for the rest of my life, plagued da the memories, hunted da the images… I can’t live in that fear, Merlin, I don’t want to be guilty, so da staying blind it removes at least some guilt off my shoulders.”
“So, this is your decision, Arthur? To stay like this forever?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re willing to sacrifice Gwen in return for your stubbornness?”
“Merlin, don’t te get the picture? If I hadn’t knocked her father down, I would have accepted her; blind o not I would have tried my best to make her happy. But I snatched her father, escaped from justice, and have the option of having my sight restored. What option did she have Merlin? Nothing. She suffered because of me and I should feel her misery, at least a little of it to ease my guilt. Only then it’ll be fair. When we first met, I had my cuore set upon her. I didn’t know how she looked and it didn’t matter because through her cuore I could tell she is very pretty. I wanted to take our relationship to the successivo level until… she revealed the truth and her feelings for me. And she made me think, Merlin.”
“Think?”
“You didn’t realise I was being selfish, did te Merlin. I was because I was thinking of my own happiness and if she didn’t tell us the truth I would have continued being selfish. Thankfully she did, and that’s when I decided I had to stop. I have to be sensitive to her future too, Merlin, and so I decided she deserved better, but not with me. I would rather stay like this forever, knowing she is happy elsewhere than to live with her and be haunted da my guilt.”
“I can’t believe the both of you,” Merlin shakes his head. “She doesn’t want te to be hurt and lies to see that achieved. And te are willing to pretend to hate her as long as she finds someone who can make her happy. te are willing to sacrifice your feelings for her happiness and she’s willing to lie for your happiness. Great!” he adds.
“I know it sounds pretty lame to you, Merlin, and te don’t believe it, but one giorno it will dawn upon you, my decisions. Right now you’re overcome da emotions and nothing will make sense but it will, later on. But what’s important is Guinevere deserves happiness.”
“But what about you, Arthur? Will te be happy?”
“I will be, Merlin, when I know Guinevere’s happy somewhere, with someone.” Arthur says and laughs sadly. But he turns around immediately and sighs in relief. “But I have all of te with me… so I am not complaining,” he laughs again but Merlin could sense the sadness laced inside Arthur’s laughter. He knows Arthur is hurt, but what can he do? Arthur has forbidden him from attempting anything and even if Merlin is to meet Gwen behind Arthur’s back, he isn’t sure Gwen will agree to reconcile with Arthur. Merlin is in a dilemma. He loves both his Friends and watching both suffer is making him unhappy too but he isn’t able to do anything at all. God, help them both.
“Merlin?”
“Yes, Arthur… I’m here.”
“I thought te said…”
“That I needed to clear my head… yes, I did, but not anymore. I was pissed at you, Arthur, and I was looking for an excuse to get out. But I don’t need to clear anything anymore. I know how te feel and that’s what matters. I will stay with you.”
“Thanks, Merlin…”
“Hey, that’s what Friends are for, all right. Now, te can use some rest. That arm of yours doesn’t look too good to me. Better put it to rest first,” Merlin suggests to his friend. Arthur nods and allows Merlin to help him back to the bed.
Gwen didn’t see the road, neither did she realise where her feet has dragged her. She has been crying throughout the journey and didn’t realise she was back at her workplace and not her home, like she planned to. Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she looks up and sighs in frustration.
‘Bloody hell’ she curses herself and sniffs. Her cuore is aching and she isn’t in the mood to meet anyone, not even Morgana. Her friend had been texting and calling her for the past hour, but Gwen didn’t reply anything. She doesn’t have the energy o the strength to go through the same cuore wrenching moments again. Maybe tomorrow. Nothing is certain yet but maybe tomorrow she might be able to talk to o confide in Morgana. But not today, definitely not today.
‘But how in the world did I arrive here?’ she thinks to herself. She remembers getting in the taxi outside Arthur’s apartment and getting down at the junction. She wanted to walk all the way home and had been concentrating on her own troubles so much that she didn’t realise she gave the direction to her place of work and not her home. She didn’t even realise her mistake when she stepped out from the taxi. She kept on walking until she reached the main gate and wonders why the building looks suspiciously familiar. And then it strikes her. She came back to the wrong place. []‘Damn!’[/i] she curses and takes a step back only to go bumping on someone. She spins around and almost loses her balance but Lancelot catches her first.
“Lancelot?”
“Gwen? What happened? Are te all right? What happened to your face, it’s all swelled up!”
“Yes, I am… what are te doing here?” Gwen informs him but Lancelot is still examining her face. She removes his hand from her cheek and assures him she is fine.
“Are te sure, the swelling… what happened?”
“I fell and I am all right, Lancelot…”
“Sure?”
“Yes, what are te doing here?” she changes the topic. She feels tired and in no mood to be answering any question.
“I came to pay Gaius a visit, you?”
“I… erm, I… I’m not working today but I left my stuff and came over to get it back,” she lies to him, trying her best to avoid his eyes. She knows he is still looking at her and if he finds the tear stains, he will demand answers. And she isn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.
“Have you?” he asks, still looking at her
“What?” Gwen looks up in surprise.
“Have te found your things?” he repeats the question.
“Yes… I thought te were coming successivo week?” she quickly changes the subject again.
“I didn’t tell anyone I was coming successivo week, how?” Lancelot seems surprised and Gwen bites her inner cheek in frustration. Of course Lancelot didn’t tell anyone except Gaius and Morgana eavesdropped the conversation and informed Gwen. If Lancelot finds out…
“I sort of guessed… that’s all” Gwen laughs nervously and her cheek hurts. She prays Lancelot will buy her lies. And he does.
“I informed Gaius I might consider arriving successivo week but decided to surprise him instead… just thought of the plan this morning so, here I am. He doesn’t know I’m here. Just arrived, my bags are at the hotel… might get them later though. I need to see all of you. I missed this place and… all of you,” he says, eyes her keenly. Gwen feels his eyes on her and it made her uncomfortable. But she keeps her cool and avoids his eyes.
“Hmm…” Gwen smiles through her pain and looks at her watch. Lancelot continues to watch her.
“I need to go, perhaps we can catch up later…” she moves away but he grabs her hand and spins her around, meeting her face to face.
“Lancelot!”
“What is wrong Gwen, have te been crying?”
“Look, I need to go…”
“Do te want to talk?”
“NO!! Just let me go, I have to get back home!!” she shouts at him and he releases her. Gwen steps back and guilt runs across her face. She didn’t mean to shout at Lancelot but she is distraught and this is what she wants to do ever since she left Arthur’s apartment; shout! And poor Lancelot became her victim. She feels sorry for him but she is sad herself and all of a sudden, tears starts to roll down her cheek. Lancelot nears her and clips her chin.
“Gwen?”
“Lancelot… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said…”
“No, it’s all right but do te want to talk about it?”
“I, don’t know Lancelot… I’m…” Gwen starts to sob. Lancelot sighs, puts his arms on her shoulder and leads her away to the nearest tree. Gwen didn’t stop sobbing and Lancelot didn’t ask her to. He walks her to the tree, finds a shady spot and removes his hand. Clipping her chin, he strokes away her tears.
“Want to tell me about it?” he asks gently. She still sobs and he waits for her patiently.
Gwen wipes her tears and sniffs. “I look pathetic, don’t I?”
“No, apart from the swollen cheek, te look beautiful… what happened Gwen? That’s not made da a fall, is it? It looks like someone slapped you, there’s finger marks on your cheek if I am not wrong.”
“I was involved in an incident at the Sunshine Diners. Two men tried to harass me and when I fought back, they did this,” she points to her swell.
“Did te lodge a police report?”
“Yes.”
“Have te gone to the hospital to get this checked?”
“Yes.”
“But it still looks bad… Damn it!! Were te alone?”
“No, I went with Arthur”
“Arthur?”
“Yes.”
“And what about him? Is he all right?”
“No, he isn’t, Lancelot… he is badly beaten up. He was slashed in his arm.”
“Oh my… why did they do that? They try to steal from te o something like that?”
“No, I don’t know why they were there in the first place, but they stopped short at our tavolo and started harassing me so Arthur was pissed and when they found out about his blindness, they used that to their advantage and beat him up. It was horrible Lancelot, I… never encountered anything like this…”
“I’m sorry Gwen… I’m so sorry” he reaches out and hugs her warmly. “I feel sorry for Arthur too.”
“I do too…”
“Where is he?”
“Back in his apartment. He’s with Merlin.”
Lancelot releases her and lifts her chin. “And these tears… whom are they for? Arthur?” he smiles but fades as soon she turns away. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, it’s not you, Lancelot, but me. I’m just unhappy that is all,” she tells him.
“You want to tell me about it?”
“No today, I don’t have the strength… I just want to go home and rest.”
“Of course… I’ll get te a taxi. Wait here,” he says and leaves her alone. Gwen leans against the albero and sobs again. Mention of Arthur’s name brought fresh pain in her cuore and she closes her eyes, shutting off the pain. But when she shuts her eyes, she sees him, Arthur, and when she reopens them, he’s there as well. He is all around her and she doesn’t know how long will this go on. Arthur’s message was clear, he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore though she made her feelings known, and she wishes he detto something. At least a goodbye o something. His silence hurts her deeply and she just wants to plunge her face deep down in her cuscino and cry her cuore out. Someone touches her shoulder and she looks up, finding Lancelot standing beside her.
“The taxi’s here… come.”
She follows him without saying a word and before she climbs in, she nods and lip-syncs thank you. He smiles and closes the door soon she is in the taxi. He hears her giving the driver instruction and she manages to turn and wave at him before the taxi speeds away. Lancelot waves, sighs and walks back to the store, his mind still puzzled da Gwen’s reaction but he will wait patiently for her to explain to him.
“Your father?” Arthur is mystified. The news hits him like a rock. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t know the man he drove over was Guinevere’s father! Why didn’t she tell him? Why did she keep this a secret from him? And was that image of the woman he thought he saw was really Guinevere? Arthur’s cuore sinks. He has been right; he did see her before knocking her father down. He wasn’t dreaming, neither is it a figment of his imagination. She was real and she is Guinevere! He feels dizzy and the world is spinning around him. Guinevere was speaking to him but he hears nothing. The only word he keeps hearing in his head is murderer! And it’s driving him crazy.
‘Why did she hide it from me and why lie to me again?’ Arthur shakes his head and bites his lips in anger. ‘She keeps on lying to me, why? Because I can’t see and won’t find out the truth, that’s why! She is making a fool of me, playing with my feelings because I am bloody blind! I trusted her with my life and this is how she treats me? She’s no better than my father… they are the same, both of them’ Arthur thinks to himself in rage.
Merlin is mystified as well. After searching high and low for the information about the man Arthur killed, his fonte of information is actually standing right here in the middle of the room. What a small world this is! Just like Arthur, he, too, wonders why Gwen didn’t tell them about her father. Why did she hide it? Was she afraid of what they might say o did she have her own motive behind it? Merlin is speechless. He looks at Arthur and doesn’t like the expression on his friend’s face. Arthur is pale and he seems to be in shock. Well, who wouldn’t be after finding out the man he accidentally killed is the man matters most in the life of the woman he likes. Merlin knows Arthur has feelings for Gwen, even though he hasn’t heard it from Arthur himself, and just when everything seemed to be progressing well, something like this has to happen. Why can’t Arthur be allowed have some happiness in his life? His thoughts about Arthur are broken off da Gwen’s strong words and he looks up at her, finding her standing with her hands on her hips, eyes welling with tears, and he thinks he sees her sobbing softly. He feels sad for her, but he also needs to hear some risposte as well.
“Yes, that man is my father! te wanted to know about my family and my father didn’t you, Arthur, so here te go! My father was killed da the same accident te were involved in… he was killed da your car, because of your reckless driving!” Gwen tells Arthur, staring hard at him. “There te go, the truth about my family! Satisfied?”
“You lied to me?” Arthur asks, his voice raspy. Gwen throws her hands in the air in frustration. Shaking her head, she takes a deep breath.
“I had to…”
“That’s bollocks, Guinevere!!! te deliberately lied to me about your father… and it’s the secondo time te lied to me!! How could you?” he suddenly shouts at her. Both Gwen and Merlin are taken back da Arthur’s sudden outburst.
“I didn’t do it on a purpose…”
“You expect me to believe te after all the lies you’ve said? What do te think I am… I’m not stupid, Guinevere!”
“I didn’t say te were stupid, Arthur…”
“But it’s what te think I am!”
“Why are te being so hard on me? te were thrashing my father right in my presence, and I had to defend him. That’s why I told te about him.”
“I’m glad I did, o I would have kept te from telling the truth, wouldn’t I… te would carry on lying to me and have me constantly look like a fool!”
“You…” Gwen slams her hand da her side in frustration. “You’re impossible to talk to!!” she adds.
“Yes, I am… because I found out the truth, right? Just because you’ve been caught red handed, I’m in the wrong now?”
‘What the…’ Gwen doesn’t understand why the discussion has taken such a different turn. “You’re mean, Arthur!!” she says bitterly. She hates him and it comes genuinely from her heart. She hates him for the way he has misunderstood her words, hates him for the way he is behaving right now and hates him for turning himself into a jerk!
“Who’s meaner Guinevere? te o me? I didn’t hide the truth… te did!”
“I had to, because…”
“You preached me about being my own man but why not use the same subject on te Guinevere? Why did te hide the truth about father? What are te so afraid of?”
“I wasn’t afraid of anything!” she wants to slap him right now.
Arthur laughs bitterly and slaps the floor, teasing her. “Yeah, that’s right… te are not afraid of anything that’s why te kept the truth away from me?”
“What’s your point, Arthur?” she is getting really annoyed da his behaviour.
“My point? Merlin… she’s asking me what’s my point. te want to know my point, Guinevere? Let me tell you… my point is simple: I just want to know why te hid the truth from me? That’s all… it’s a simple question. Why?”
“I don’t have to answer te any question. I’m leaving, Merlin,” she waves at Merlin and spins around.
“No you’re not, Guinevere… te will not leave this place until te have answered me!” Arthur shouts, stopping her from walking out from the place. She turns back around, her eyes glaring at him.
“Why should I answer you, Arthur? Huh, why? As far as I know, te are the one who should be answering me, not me to you!!” she walks back to him, kneels in front of him and grabs him da the collar, pulling him close. “Why?” she asks, her tears rolling down like flood. “Why Arthur? Tell me why should I answer you?”
Despite the shock of her grabbing his collar, Arthur retains his calm and speaks to her softly. “Because te owe me the truth, Guinevere, and I am not going to let te lie to me again, understand?”
“Fine, te want the truth… I’ll tell te the truth! te know why I hid the truth? Because I didn’t want te to feel guilty about what te did! I didn’t want te to punish yourself further!! It’s enough you’ve sacrificed your eyesight for my father, I didn’t want to inflict più pain da telling te the truth, that’s why, Arthur!! That’s why. There is no other hidden agenda in this lie… just this. I can’t allow te to punish yourself any più Arthur, try to understand me, please!!” she removes her hand from his collar, still in tears. She gets up and closes her eyes, her cuore feels like exploding, aching.
“Gwen…” Merlin calls out but she shakes her head.
“No, Merlin… let me cry, I have to. I have been keeping this inside me for a long time and your friend here wants the truth, so… here’s the truth,” she tells him. Merlin looks down and finds Arthur sitting down, expressionless. Gwen follows Merlin’s gaze but she isn’t surprised da Arthur’s silence. She expects it.
“When I first saw my father die, I wanted to kill you, Arthur,” she tells him, stepping close to Arthur.
“Gwen?” Merlin is shocked to hear such a statement from her. Gwen looks at Merlin and nods.
“Yes, Merlin, I very much wanted Arthur to die. I wanted to avenge my father’s death and te know what I did?” she turns back towards Arthur. “I visited te in the hospital, Arthur, and I was happy and relieved hearing te blind. Happy!! I didn’t know what I was thinking back then but I was happy! I enjoyed watching te suffer and in pain… God!!” Gwen wipes her tears. “I was thinking all sorts of stupid, reckless things in my head…. I wasn’t thinking rationally until I met te again in the hospital, right after knocking te down. It was then I realized what te gave up Arthur. I understood te and your sacrifice. I saw your pain, Arthur… I didn’t need to see it in your eyes, te know why?” she kneels back in front of him. “Because I felt it here,” she touches his heart. Arthur remains still. “I felt it here and that’s when I realized my mistakes. And I didn’t want to prolong your suffering. That’s why I decided to keep it from you. Not because I wanted to deceive your o any other shit te might think of, but because I didn’t want to see te hurt anymore.”
Arthur listens without saying a word. He doesn’t mostra any kind of emotions on his face. He knows he made a mistake when he took a life of man and now that guilt has deepened knowing it is Guinevere’s father. And he has been punishing himself for that guilt. But after listening to Guinevere’s confession, his cuore is laced with sadness. He has been angry with her for the lies she had been telling him, but she had her reasons and it sounds valid enough for forgiveness. But how will he forgive her when he himself seeks hers? He took away her family and accused her of concocting lies but all she’s been doing is easing him from his guilt. She hid the truth from him to protect him and he calls her a liar? How will he even speak to her after this?
Gwen wipes her tears and looks at Merlin. She notices his face is engulfed in sadness. She sniffs and turns back at Arthur.
“This is the truth, Arthur… all of it, and there are no più lies here to be told; not a single lie left between us anymore. I don’t know if you’ll believe me anymore o not, but this is the truth. te wanted it so badly, so here it is,” she tells him and gets to her feet.
Arthur still keeps silent, his head looking down at the floor. Merlin stands up and walks over towards Gwen. “Gwen… I’m sorry,” he says and embraces her. She accepts it and fresh tears starts to roll down her cheek. “I didn’t know te had to go through so much pain yourself. I’m sorry,” he adds.
“It’s all right Merlin; it’s not your fault… the man who demanded risposte from me is still keeping silent, so… there’s no point in me trying to prove my innocence any further. I’ll leave,” she says, preparing to leave.
“No, Gwen… look, we can get this settled,” Merlin tries but she smiles at him through her pain.
“It’s really sweet of you, Merlin, but I think it’s no use now. Thank te anyway,” she says and turns back, taking a step forward. But she stops short and turns around, her eyes fixed upon Arthur. He was still silent and she exchanges glances with Merlin who looks back at her sadly. She forces a sad smile and turns back towards Arthur. Her cuore beats rapidly. She doesn’t know if what she is about to do is right o wrong but she has to say this now o she will be forever burdened da the guilt of not saying it for the rest of her life. She knows da now that Arthur’s impression of her may have taken a different turn, so she doesn’t care if he wants to listen o not. But she will definitely tell him. She must. She has to. It’s now o never. She walks ahead and crouches before him, reaching up to touch his chin, turning his face towards her. His face looks distraught and pale. It breaks her cuore to see him like this, but what can she do? She has tried confessing and he hasn’t spoken to her yet, and that can mean only one thing: he hasn’t forgiven her. Gwen removes her fingers from Arthur’s chin and sighs, her hands getting cold. Arthur hears her sigh but he still chooses to keep his silence.
“I understand your silence, Arthur, and I’m not going to demand risposte like te did. But I want te to know how I feel,” Gwen begins. Arthur listens patiently. Behind him Merlin continues to watch with his hands thrust into his pockets. Gwen ponders her successivo words. How will she say this to him? What will he say? How will he react? What will happen? She sniffs and blows softly. Her heartbeat is getting stronger as time ticks by.
‘Say it, Gwen… just go ahead and say it!’ she hears herself saying. ‘I have to do this… have to’ she tells herself.
“I like you, Arthur Pendragon. I really do. This feeling, whatever it is… I can’t describe it, but it’s più than what we share together. It’s not just friendship, I suppose,” she licks her lips. She looks at him and he still hasn’t flinched yet. “It’s più than that… it’s something else,” she tells him, and for a moment she thought she saw him move. “Something I am still exploring and finding out about, but it’s certainly a feeling I have never felt for any man before,” she says. Behind her Merlin smiles and looks up at the ceiling, thanking the Lord silently.
“This is not sympathy, Arthur, nor it is because of guilt. This is a genuine feeling, blossomed right from my heart. I want te to know that,” she sighs and looks away. Words are getting hard to come da as she tries to get to the point. And Arthur is still silent. What the hell is wrong with him? Why isn’t he mostrare any response?
“Look, Arthur. I like te because te make me happy. Very happy indeed, and te cure me from the grief of losing my father. My father was my life, will always be, and losing him was like losing one part of myself. It’s a grief I could not recover from, until now. But your presence in my life has cured that sorrow, Arthur. Do te understand what I am trying to say here, Arthur?” she lifts his chin up again and stresses her words again. “I stopped smiling after my father’s death, but te brought that smile back to my face. te did, Arthur. And that’s when I realised my affection, my feelings for you. It was strong, unshakeable, and I still don’t know what it means, but it’s definitely più than friendship,” she tells him. “Sounds pretty stupid huh?” she laughs nervously. “But this is how I feel about you, Arthur. No one can understand my feelings, but te do, te can… and I also know te won’t buy any of this. I don’t care… I don’t care if te don’t believe me o think any better of me because I understand my place, Arthur, and I don’t blame you. But I just want te to know one thing: te mean più in my life than anyone else. te mean a lot to me, Arthur… and that’s why it hurts me to see te suffer. I don’t want te to sacrifice any more, not for me o for my father. Enough! Everything you’ve dato up so far, it’s enough. Please stop feeling guilty, Arthur. What happened was fate, and there’s nothing te o me o anyone could have done to prevent it. te are not the only one guilty in this. I am, too, but life goes on. I tried to tell te countless times but my words were Lost because my father was in the middle of your troubles and I couldn’t say anything at all. But I understand your feelings and I know you’ve been tortured da the guilt. But it has to stop. Right now.”
“I want te to know that I lied because I can’t orso to see te burdened da the guilt. If I have told te about my father, you’d be devastated, broken. I can’t bring myself to see te like that so I picked the only way I knew to save you: lying. It was immoral, yes, but I didn’t see anything wrong in that as long as I could save te from your endless sufferings. Only I didn’t see the consequences. But I am not ashamed of what I did, Arthur. te know why? If any of those lies can save te from the guilt, make your pain lesser, then I’m willing to lie a thousand times for you,” she finishes as soft sobs escapes her throat. Stroking the tear that rolled down her cheek, she gets up to her feet.
“I know this isn’t appropriate of me to confide my feelings to you, but I have to. I doubt you’ll see me after today and I want te to know how I feel about… us. If I don’t tell te this now, I won’t have another opportunity to say it, so… I saw the chance and took it. But these are my feelings, Arthur, and te don’t have to answer me anything. I don’t want to know yours because…” she chokes and Merlin knows she’s going to break down. Gwen reassures herself and sighs, “Because if te don’t like me… it’s better that I don’t hear it. I have nothing più to say… goodbye,” she turns on her heels and walks back to the door. Merlin looks at Arthur and then back at Gwen, his eyes widening.
“Gwen… please don’t…”
“It’s all right Merlin, I’ll be fine. Just take good care of him,” she tells Merlin and eyes Arthur. “One request please, Arthur… my father died in an accident and though you’ve been a part of it, it had nothing to do with you. It was fate and that’s how I see it. Please do not speak of my father like te did a while fa because that man died saving te and me… all I’m asking back in return is for te to respect him. That’s all te need to do for him in return… thank you, and goodbye, Arthur,” she says and leaves, closing the door behind her.
“Arthur…” Merlin calls but Arthur seems to be in a world of his own. Waving his hand in frustration, Merlin rushes to the door and opens it up but Gwen has left using the staircase, not willing to wait for the elevator. Merlin sighs in frustration and rushes back to Arthur, slamming the door behind him.
“She’s leaving, Arthur… let me go and get her,” Merlin suggests but Arthur is still silent.
“Arthur, she’s leaving!” Merlin stresses.
“Let her leave,” finally Arthur speaks, but keeps it short and crisp.
“What are…”
“Just let her go!”
“But,”
“Let her go, Merlin!!!” Arthur snaps at Merlin, looking up.
“You can’t be serious, Arthur… this is all a big misunderstanding and it can be rectified. Let me go and get her. Then we can sit down and talk and get this…”
“Drop it, Merlin!! It’s done and dusted and there’s nothing più te can do for any of us. If te talk anymore of this then I’ll be leaving next!” Arthur warns him and Merlin sighs, dropping his shoulder in defeat.
“Arthur?”
“I mean it, Merlin!” Arthur warns him again.
“Fine, whatever!” Merlin says in annoyance and sighs again. “What do te want me to do now?”
“Take me to my room please, Merlin”
Merlin obeys and guides Arthur to his room, helping him to sit down da the bed. Merlin’s face is grim. He is angry but he can’t mostra it to Arthur. How can Arthur allow her to leave like that? Without saying anything. Arthur was silent all the while she was explaining herself and didn’t utter a single a word to her. Was he angry with her? She explained why she lied, didn’t she, so what’s the big deal? Who hasn’t been lying? Everybody does and still gets away with it. Gwen lied for a reason and now her lies seem to be a great mistake for Arthur? If there is a lista of all the liars in the world, then Uther’s name will be the first to appear and then comes the rest. So is Arthur going to be angry with everyone?
“Is there anything else te want me to do?” Merlin asks without emotion. Arthur realizes the tone and he isn’t surprised.
“You have someplace to go?”
“I’ll like to go for a walk, clear my head… is there anything te need from me?”
“I heard te well, Merlin, thank you… are te angry with me?”
“Why should I be angry with te Arthur?”
“It seems to be in your voice.”
“Oh, so te are concerned, aren’t you? I thought te were beginning to turn heartless like your father.”
“Merlin…”
“I’m tired and I could do with some rest, but I really need this walk before I rest myself,” Merlin cuts his words off before Arthur can carry on. He is pissed and he doesn’t care if Arthur gets offended. He just wants to leave and clear his muddled head. Arthur nods.
“Fine… I shouldn’t be holding te back. I’ll manage from here, thank you, Merlin,” Arthur says and looks away. Merlin purses his lips and strides to the door. But he stops short, holds the edge of the door and clenches his teeth.
This isn’t what he should be doing, Merlin thinks. What Arthur did to Gwen is wrong but should Merlin be punishing his friend because of that? Arthur was exceptionally quiet all the while Gwen was explaining herself and no one knows what was going through his mind. He still refuses to talk and Merlin would really like to know what’s in his head. As his best friend, he deserves to know. But he is angry for Arthur’s cold shoulder to Gwen, so how on earth is he going to pesce the truth out from Arthur’s mind? And why on the bloody hell is Arthur giving such harsh treatment towards Gwen? That poor girl did clarify herself quite well, so what’s the matter? And she also confided her feelings for Arthur! She likes him and he knows Arthur likes her too. Their affection for one another would have surely gone further if something like this hadn’t come in their way. Not that it’s any obstacle o anything, it can still be achieved, but both Arthur and Gwen must have an open talk to settle this issue between them.
One problem though, Arthur is still refusing to talk, so how will Gwen achieve anything? Merlin turns back and watches as Arthur walks to his table, pulls out the chair but doesn’t sit down. He feels bad for his friend but he is also angry with him. Merlin likes Gwen and he was happy to hear her confession, but now Arthur’s getting on his nerves with his sudden silence. Merlin still needs his walk but he also has some bottled up issues which require a listening ear. Merlin wants to have some words with Arthur before he leaves and he can’t wait any longer. It’s now o never.
“Why did te do that, Arthur?”
“Do what?”
“Treat her like she didn’t exist?”
“I didn’t…”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Arthur. te did, and do not try to even deny it, yeah. te kept your mouth shut all the time she spoke to you, why? Why did te do that? She was pouring her cuore out to te and that’s all the reaction te gave her?”
“I don’t want to say anything, Merlin…”
“You have to; at least to me… I’m not Gwen, Arthur. I’m different and I want to know why were te behaving like an idiot?”
“So you’re on her side now?”
“I’m on nobody’s side, Arthur, I just want to know the bloody truth, and is it so hard for te to give me that?”
“Yes, and I don’t owe anyone any explanation, understand?”
“You owe me.”
“Says who?”
“I do.”
“Look, Merlin, te detto te needed your walk o something, so just get the hell out here. Leave me alone, will you?”
“What is wrong with you?” Merlin nears him and grabs Arthur da the shoulder, shaking him violently. He is angry and he is raging mad.
“You treated that poor girl as if she was a dirt, Arthur, screaming, thrashing her father and finally calling her a liar! Why? Because she lied to you? She had to and didn’t te hear her explanation? She had her reasons and I don’t find it deceiving at all. Couldn’t te at least consider?”
“You can’t tell me to do anything, Merlin, this is my life!”
“Fine, then I’m speaking on behalf of her, as her friend. I want the risposte now, Arthur, o I’m going to be pestering te all day!”
“Just leave…” Arthur pushes Merlin away but the latter holds on tightly.
“Answer me now!”
“What do te want to know?”
“Why did te do that to her?”
“I can’t…”
“Arthur!”
“Merlin, just…”
“Answer me Arthur!!” Merlin screams madly.
“Because I feel guilty, Merlin! That’s why!!” Arthur screams back at Merlin and peels himself away from his friend. Merlin, stunned da the answer, leaves him and continues to watch him. Arthur grabs the edge of the tavolo and hangs his head down. “I feel guilty!” Arthur repeats the answer, his words croaking in emotion.
“Why did te feel guilty Arthur?”
“Please, Merlin, not now …”
“Arthur, just tell me… please.” Merlin persuades softly.
“I killed her father, Merlin, I took away her happiness and then I blamed him for my disability, but… she didn’t blame me at all! Never once… didn’t te hear that Merlin? Didn’t te hear what she said?”
“I heard her, Arthur.”
“See, she didn’t say I caused her unhappiness but I did. I blamed her father, I accused her and I detto all those trashy things to her but, she didn’t blame me at all.” Arthur laughs da himself. He spins around and faces Merlin. “What’s much più impressive about her was that she lied for me Merlin. She cares for me, deeply and what did I do in return for her? What? Nothing!!” he tells Merlin. A single tear rolls down Arthur’s cheek. Arthur quickly strokes it away.
“And that’s why te feel guilty?”
“Yes, after hearing her confession, how in the world do te expect me to face her and say that I’m sorry? How Merlin? This is the secondo time we’ve fought and the secondo time I failed to understand her! But she understood me well… how Merlin? Tell me, how?”
“Arthur, I’m sure there is a way to solve this matter…”
“No, Merlin… I can’t face her anymore, not after what I detto to her. I feel ashamed of my behaviour and nothing in the world can make me meet up with her anymore.”
“So you’re not going to apologise?”
“I will, but I can’t face her anymore, not after what happened tonight,” Arthur tells Merlin.
“But she’ll forgive you, Arthur; didn’t te hear what she said?”
“I heard well, Merlin, but…”
“And she likes you, so… what’s stopping you?”
“I can’t, just can’t… please try to understand me…”
“You detto te like her, Arthur, and now te know she does too, so…?”
“Merlin…”
“I’m not going to leave te alone until I know the truth, Arthur.”
“Merlin… please.”
“You don’t like her, that’s why,” Merlin decides.
“No!!”
“Then?’
“I… I…”
“What, Arthur?”
“She deserves someone better, Merlin, she deserves happiness and I can’t give her that. I can’t be that person… she deserves a better man, and… I’m not that!” Arthur’s voice chokes with emotion.
“But she likes te Arthur, why can’t te consider that?”
“I don’t deserve her, Merlin… not after what I did to her.”
“Come on, Arthur, that’s bollocks, yeah!” Merlin throws his hands up in the air in frustration. “All because of your guilt?”
“She deserves happiness…”
“I agree, but with you, Arthur, with you! She’s going to agree with me when she hears this.”
“No Merlin, she mustn’t know any of this, please!” Arthur staggers towards Merlin and catches his friend’s arms, holding it tightly. “She shouldn’t know.”
“Arthur, come on!”
“No!!” Arthur shouts in annoyance. Why can’t Merlin get the picture?
“I am a blind fool, Merlin. I can’t provide her the happiness she deserves because I have nothing to offer. I can barely take care of myself and how do te think I can take care of her? I don’t want her to suffer because of me, because she has to take care of me, because I’m her burden… no, I’ll allow no such thing. I want her to be happy and she deserves that happiness. But unfortunately I’m not the one who can give her that. I am happy she likes me, but that’s all I can offer her back. I can be happy with her confession but I can’t reciprocate her feelings because up until now I kept piling più misery on her than happiness. Today, I was unable to save her and almost got her killed. I had to depend on others… how do te expect us to live together in the future? This is not what her father o brother would want for her. And this isn’t what I want for her.”
“But Arthur… she detto te made her smile”
“And I’d like her to keep that smile, Merlin.”
“And te believe she’ll be smiling with someone else?”
“She will be, if I behave like I did a while ago… I can pretend not to like her and she’ll find someone else in her life.”
“This is the worst rubbish I’ve heard in my life, Arthur! She will never be happy with anyone else, Arthur. She likes you, understand?”
“But I can’t afford to… te must understand Merlin. te have to know why I’m doing all this?”
“Rubbish!”
“Merlin!!” Arthur calls his friend’s name and releases his grip on Merlin. “I understand why te are angry and I don’t blame you. When we were attacked at the diner, I kept blaming myself. I couldn’t save Guinevere and it kept bugging me. I was amaro and with the guilt eating me up, I couldn’t face her. But when I heard the lies, I was pissed. I became my father for a bit and started making my own conclusions but when she confessed about her father, my guilt returned. I couldn’t face her o apologise because I was feeling shamed of everything I did. I owe her lot più than apologies Merlin, what I took away is… way too precious. Do te understand, Merlin? I was silent because I didn’t know what to do. And then came the confession. I was happy and sad to hear her confessing her feelings for me. Happy because I like her too, and if all this didn’t occur the way it did, I’d be reciprocating her feelings, but unfortunately I can’t, and that made me sad.”
“Listen Arthur, it still doesn’t have to end this way. te think your blindness stands in the way of your happiness with Gwen, so get the operation done, Arthur. te can still get your sight back and then te can make her happy. te can take care of her like te want. Gwen will understand and she’ll wait for you,” Merlin advises. But Arthur shakes his head.
“Don’t tell me that you’re plagued da the promise te made for Gwen’s father?”
“Merlin, I made that promise without knowing him to be Guinevere’s father, I promised upon a dead man and I want to honour him. Now the truth has been revealed and I really want to honour that promise più than ever. This is personal, Merlin, I am guilty and I owe his family this sacrifice.”
“But didn’t te hear Gwen telling te to stop sacrificing for her father?”
“Like I detto Merlin, this is personal.”
“This is rubbish!” Merlin says and sighs. Arthur keeps quiet. “Wait, is this because of your father? te don’t want to owe him and that’s why te refuse the operation?”
“No, I mean… that’s only one quarter true, but… I owe my conscience, Merlin. I killed a man and got away with it. And if I have the operation, it’s as if I didn’t do any wrong at all when it’s obvious I did. I’ll be living with the guilt for the rest of my life, plagued da the memories, hunted da the images… I can’t live in that fear, Merlin, I don’t want to be guilty, so da staying blind it removes at least some guilt off my shoulders.”
“So, this is your decision, Arthur? To stay like this forever?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re willing to sacrifice Gwen in return for your stubbornness?”
“Merlin, don’t te get the picture? If I hadn’t knocked her father down, I would have accepted her; blind o not I would have tried my best to make her happy. But I snatched her father, escaped from justice, and have the option of having my sight restored. What option did she have Merlin? Nothing. She suffered because of me and I should feel her misery, at least a little of it to ease my guilt. Only then it’ll be fair. When we first met, I had my cuore set upon her. I didn’t know how she looked and it didn’t matter because through her cuore I could tell she is very pretty. I wanted to take our relationship to the successivo level until… she revealed the truth and her feelings for me. And she made me think, Merlin.”
“Think?”
“You didn’t realise I was being selfish, did te Merlin. I was because I was thinking of my own happiness and if she didn’t tell us the truth I would have continued being selfish. Thankfully she did, and that’s when I decided I had to stop. I have to be sensitive to her future too, Merlin, and so I decided she deserved better, but not with me. I would rather stay like this forever, knowing she is happy elsewhere than to live with her and be haunted da my guilt.”
“I can’t believe the both of you,” Merlin shakes his head. “She doesn’t want te to be hurt and lies to see that achieved. And te are willing to pretend to hate her as long as she finds someone who can make her happy. te are willing to sacrifice your feelings for her happiness and she’s willing to lie for your happiness. Great!” he adds.
“I know it sounds pretty lame to you, Merlin, and te don’t believe it, but one giorno it will dawn upon you, my decisions. Right now you’re overcome da emotions and nothing will make sense but it will, later on. But what’s important is Guinevere deserves happiness.”
“But what about you, Arthur? Will te be happy?”
“I will be, Merlin, when I know Guinevere’s happy somewhere, with someone.” Arthur says and laughs sadly. But he turns around immediately and sighs in relief. “But I have all of te with me… so I am not complaining,” he laughs again but Merlin could sense the sadness laced inside Arthur’s laughter. He knows Arthur is hurt, but what can he do? Arthur has forbidden him from attempting anything and even if Merlin is to meet Gwen behind Arthur’s back, he isn’t sure Gwen will agree to reconcile with Arthur. Merlin is in a dilemma. He loves both his Friends and watching both suffer is making him unhappy too but he isn’t able to do anything at all. God, help them both.
“Merlin?”
“Yes, Arthur… I’m here.”
“I thought te said…”
“That I needed to clear my head… yes, I did, but not anymore. I was pissed at you, Arthur, and I was looking for an excuse to get out. But I don’t need to clear anything anymore. I know how te feel and that’s what matters. I will stay with you.”
“Thanks, Merlin…”
“Hey, that’s what Friends are for, all right. Now, te can use some rest. That arm of yours doesn’t look too good to me. Better put it to rest first,” Merlin suggests to his friend. Arthur nods and allows Merlin to help him back to the bed.
Gwen didn’t see the road, neither did she realise where her feet has dragged her. She has been crying throughout the journey and didn’t realise she was back at her workplace and not her home, like she planned to. Wiping her tears with the back of her hand, she looks up and sighs in frustration.
‘Bloody hell’ she curses herself and sniffs. Her cuore is aching and she isn’t in the mood to meet anyone, not even Morgana. Her friend had been texting and calling her for the past hour, but Gwen didn’t reply anything. She doesn’t have the energy o the strength to go through the same cuore wrenching moments again. Maybe tomorrow. Nothing is certain yet but maybe tomorrow she might be able to talk to o confide in Morgana. But not today, definitely not today.
‘But how in the world did I arrive here?’ she thinks to herself. She remembers getting in the taxi outside Arthur’s apartment and getting down at the junction. She wanted to walk all the way home and had been concentrating on her own troubles so much that she didn’t realise she gave the direction to her place of work and not her home. She didn’t even realise her mistake when she stepped out from the taxi. She kept on walking until she reached the main gate and wonders why the building looks suspiciously familiar. And then it strikes her. She came back to the wrong place. []‘Damn!’[/i] she curses and takes a step back only to go bumping on someone. She spins around and almost loses her balance but Lancelot catches her first.
“Lancelot?”
“Gwen? What happened? Are te all right? What happened to your face, it’s all swelled up!”
“Yes, I am… what are te doing here?” Gwen informs him but Lancelot is still examining her face. She removes his hand from her cheek and assures him she is fine.
“Are te sure, the swelling… what happened?”
“I fell and I am all right, Lancelot…”
“Sure?”
“Yes, what are te doing here?” she changes the topic. She feels tired and in no mood to be answering any question.
“I came to pay Gaius a visit, you?”
“I… erm, I… I’m not working today but I left my stuff and came over to get it back,” she lies to him, trying her best to avoid his eyes. She knows he is still looking at her and if he finds the tear stains, he will demand answers. And she isn’t in the mood to talk to anyone.
“Have you?” he asks, still looking at her
“What?” Gwen looks up in surprise.
“Have te found your things?” he repeats the question.
“Yes… I thought te were coming successivo week?” she quickly changes the subject again.
“I didn’t tell anyone I was coming successivo week, how?” Lancelot seems surprised and Gwen bites her inner cheek in frustration. Of course Lancelot didn’t tell anyone except Gaius and Morgana eavesdropped the conversation and informed Gwen. If Lancelot finds out…
“I sort of guessed… that’s all” Gwen laughs nervously and her cheek hurts. She prays Lancelot will buy her lies. And he does.
“I informed Gaius I might consider arriving successivo week but decided to surprise him instead… just thought of the plan this morning so, here I am. He doesn’t know I’m here. Just arrived, my bags are at the hotel… might get them later though. I need to see all of you. I missed this place and… all of you,” he says, eyes her keenly. Gwen feels his eyes on her and it made her uncomfortable. But she keeps her cool and avoids his eyes.
“Hmm…” Gwen smiles through her pain and looks at her watch. Lancelot continues to watch her.
“I need to go, perhaps we can catch up later…” she moves away but he grabs her hand and spins her around, meeting her face to face.
“Lancelot!”
“What is wrong Gwen, have te been crying?”
“Look, I need to go…”
“Do te want to talk?”
“NO!! Just let me go, I have to get back home!!” she shouts at him and he releases her. Gwen steps back and guilt runs across her face. She didn’t mean to shout at Lancelot but she is distraught and this is what she wants to do ever since she left Arthur’s apartment; shout! And poor Lancelot became her victim. She feels sorry for him but she is sad herself and all of a sudden, tears starts to roll down her cheek. Lancelot nears her and clips her chin.
“Gwen?”
“Lancelot… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean what I said…”
“No, it’s all right but do te want to talk about it?”
“I, don’t know Lancelot… I’m…” Gwen starts to sob. Lancelot sighs, puts his arms on her shoulder and leads her away to the nearest tree. Gwen didn’t stop sobbing and Lancelot didn’t ask her to. He walks her to the tree, finds a shady spot and removes his hand. Clipping her chin, he strokes away her tears.
“Want to tell me about it?” he asks gently. She still sobs and he waits for her patiently.
Gwen wipes her tears and sniffs. “I look pathetic, don’t I?”
“No, apart from the swollen cheek, te look beautiful… what happened Gwen? That’s not made da a fall, is it? It looks like someone slapped you, there’s finger marks on your cheek if I am not wrong.”
“I was involved in an incident at the Sunshine Diners. Two men tried to harass me and when I fought back, they did this,” she points to her swell.
“Did te lodge a police report?”
“Yes.”
“Have te gone to the hospital to get this checked?”
“Yes.”
“But it still looks bad… Damn it!! Were te alone?”
“No, I went with Arthur”
“Arthur?”
“Yes.”
“And what about him? Is he all right?”
“No, he isn’t, Lancelot… he is badly beaten up. He was slashed in his arm.”
“Oh my… why did they do that? They try to steal from te o something like that?”
“No, I don’t know why they were there in the first place, but they stopped short at our tavolo and started harassing me so Arthur was pissed and when they found out about his blindness, they used that to their advantage and beat him up. It was horrible Lancelot, I… never encountered anything like this…”
“I’m sorry Gwen… I’m so sorry” he reaches out and hugs her warmly. “I feel sorry for Arthur too.”
“I do too…”
“Where is he?”
“Back in his apartment. He’s with Merlin.”
Lancelot releases her and lifts her chin. “And these tears… whom are they for? Arthur?” he smiles but fades as soon she turns away. “Did I say something wrong?”
“No, it’s not you, Lancelot, but me. I’m just unhappy that is all,” she tells him.
“You want to tell me about it?”
“No today, I don’t have the strength… I just want to go home and rest.”
“Of course… I’ll get te a taxi. Wait here,” he says and leaves her alone. Gwen leans against the albero and sobs again. Mention of Arthur’s name brought fresh pain in her cuore and she closes her eyes, shutting off the pain. But when she shuts her eyes, she sees him, Arthur, and when she reopens them, he’s there as well. He is all around her and she doesn’t know how long will this go on. Arthur’s message was clear, he didn’t want anything to do with her anymore though she made her feelings known, and she wishes he detto something. At least a goodbye o something. His silence hurts her deeply and she just wants to plunge her face deep down in her cuscino and cry her cuore out. Someone touches her shoulder and she looks up, finding Lancelot standing beside her.
“The taxi’s here… come.”
She follows him without saying a word and before she climbs in, she nods and lip-syncs thank you. He smiles and closes the door soon she is in the taxi. He hears her giving the driver instruction and she manages to turn and wave at him before the taxi speeds away. Lancelot waves, sighs and walks back to the store, his mind still puzzled da Gwen’s reaction but he will wait patiently for her to explain to him.
