My little Brony pt4 - My Little pony - L'amicizia è magica - fanpop

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posted by nerdman101

I woke up to see Twilight Sparkle getting ready to go somewhere...
ciao Twilght whats up? I said,Im just gettin ready to go to see arcobaleno Dash and pick apples with AJ,wanna come? she asked,yeah sure! I detto with glee,as I combed my mane.
We left and went to see arcobaleno Dash.....
She was on a nube, nuvola in the distance,hey twilight detto as we walked under her cloud,hey Twilight she detto with a smile!,Hey she detto to me,whats your name?This is a human who was teleported to the ponyverse through a electronic device!,his name is jake!Hey arcobaleno dash whats up?,nothing much,just chillin on a cloud...,Twilight asked if arcobaleno Dash wanted to come and pick some apples with AJ,Yes she detto as we started walking to AJ's house...

tailsfan111 likes this

NocturnalMirage Okay, the pacing is good so far, but if you allow me to give you a friendly advice: you gave us a good ammount of exposition, you set off the characters well. Now it's time to give more dynamics to them, make them do stuff, implement a little "action", create obstacles for them to overcome, introduce an antagonist, etc. oh an most importantly, keep up the good work! :)