Our cast for this Celebrity Jeopardy skit is

Saten Twist - Alex Trebek (He wears a white wig, a fake white mustache, and his cutie mark has been changed to a game mostra wheel.)
Sean the hedgehog as himself (He's a famous war hero.)
Double Diamond as French Stewart
and special guest star, Nocturnal Mirage as Tom Selleck

Audience: *Clapping*
Alex: Welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy. Before we begin the double jeopardy round, I'd like to remind our contestants once again, to please refrain from using ethnic slurs.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: That said, let's take a look at the scores. Sean the hedgehog has set a new jeopardy record with negative $230,000.
Audience: *Laughing*
Sean: te think you're pretty smart, don't te Trebek? With your dago mustache, and your greasy mane!
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Look! What did I just say about using ethnic slurs?
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: From 3rd Rock From The Sun, French Stewart, in secondo place with negative $17,000.
Audience: *Laughing, and clapping*
French: *Has his eyes closed. He does this everytime he talks* I'm a late bloomer Alex, and in double jeopardy, I'm gonna bloom.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: *Annoyed* Sure te will. And finally, in his secondo appearance, Tom Selleck in a commanding lead with 14 dollars.
Tom: Hey. *Points to his podium* Hey, check out the podium. Look at this.
Alex: Mr. Selleck has apparently changed his name to Turd Ferguson.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah that's right. Turd Ferguson, it's a funny name.
Alex: *Very annoyed*
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: great. Let's take a look at the final board. And the categories are

Potent Potables
Sharp Things
Film That Start With The Word Jaws
A Petit Dejane

Alex: That category is about french phrases, so we'll just skip that one.
Tom: ciao uh, I speak a little french. You're an asswipe, pardon my french.
Audience: *Laughing*
French: *Sad* My name's French.
Tom: Yeah, well who gives a damn?
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Moving on.

Animal Sounds
Condiments
And finally, your ass, o hole in the ground.

Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Mr. Selleck, unfortunately, you're in the lead, so we'll start with you.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah I'll take the uh condom thing for 8,000.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: That's condiments!
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: For 400. This condiment is made from mustard seeds.
French: *Rings in*
Alex: French Stewart?
French: The answer of course is onions. I'll take condiments for 800, thank te very much.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: That's not the right answer.
Tom: *Rings in*
Alex: Tom Selleck.
Tom: Eh, that's not my name.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Okay, Turd Ferguson.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: Yeah, what do te want?
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: te buzzed in.
Tom: No I didn't.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Yes te did.
Tom: Yeah, well that's your opinion.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: I hate my job.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: The answer was mustard. Mustard is made from mustard seeds.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Mr. Selleck it's still your board.
Tom: Yeah well ehh. Why don't te give me ape tit for 200?
Alex: *Angry* It's not ape tit.
Audience: *Laughing, and clapping*
Alex: It's a petit never mind.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Let's just sposta on to Animal Sounds for 600. This is the sound a doggy makes.
Sean: *Rings in*
Alex: Mr. The Hedgehog?
Sean: Moo.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: No.
Sean: Well that's the sound your grand daughter made last night.
Audience: Ah!! *Laughing*
Sean: *Laughing*
Alex: Okay that's not necessary.
Sean: Ah.
Tom: *Rings in*
Alex: Tom Selleck?
Tom: Who is uh... Scooby Doo?
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: No.
Tom: Yeah he was a funny dog Scooby Doo. He drove around in a van, and solved mysteries.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: That is incorrect.
Tom: Nah that's correct.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: I remember. He had a pal, Scrappy Doo.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: No.
French: *Rings in*
Alex: French Stewart, the sound a dog makes.
French: Uh.... Who is John Cafferty And The castoro Brown Band? Thank te very much, I'll take animal sounds for 800.
Alex: NO! Good lord! We would've accepted bow wow, o ruff.
Sean: Ah, rough. Just the way your grand daughter likes it Trebek.
Audience: *Laughing, and clapping*
Alex: Come on, that is way out of line.
Tom: *Runs backstage*
Alex: Mr. Selleck, what are te doing?!!?
Tom: *Walks towards Alex, and is wearing a massive ten gallon hat*
Sean: *Laughing at Tom*
Tom: Yeah I found this backstage. Oversized hat, it's funny.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: No it's not.
Tom: Sure it is. It's funny. It's funny, because it's bigger then a normal hat.
Alex: I see that, get back to your podium.
Tom: Haha. *Takes off the hat* Take a look at that.
Alex: Yeah I see that. Get back to your podium, it's not funny.
Audience: *Laughing*
Tom: *Returns to his podium*
Alex: What's going on? Okay, let's just sposta on to Final Jeopardy. The category is, te know what? I'll tell te what, just write a number. Any number. Any number, and te win.
Audience: *Laughing*

Final Jeopardy Musica started playing.

Alex: We'll accept any number. Any number at all. A 1, o a 2, o a 3. o how about a 4? It's that simple. I know te can do this.

The campana, bell rang, and the contestants ran out of time.

Alex: Let's start with French Stewart who is grinning like an idiot.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: te look pretty sure of yourself. te think te got the right answer?
French: Yes, I'm pretty sure of it Alex.
Alex: Well, all te had to do was write a number, and te wrote, threeve.
Audience: *Laughing, and clapping*
Alex: A combination of three, and five. Very stunning.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: And te wagered, Texas with a dollar sign in front of it.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: I'm speechless.
French: No I did not get the answer from anyone else, it all came from Mr. Stewart's noggin.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: That's beautiful.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Mr. Selleck-
Tom: Yeah don't bother, I didn't write anything.
Alex: Good work.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: And finally, Sean the hedgehog. The category was numbers, and te wrote... A letter V.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Well I'll te what my friend..
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: V is a roman numeral, so despite your best efforts, te were able to answer correctly.
Audience: *Laughing*
Alex: Let's see what te wagered. Suck it Trebek.
Audience: *Laughing*
Sean: *Laughing*
Alex: That's all the time we have. Thank te very much. I-
Tom: *Goes to Alex, and puts the oversized ten gallon hat on him*
Alex: would te GET THAT OFF ME?!!!?
Audience: *Laughing, and clapping*

Coming up successivo is The Story Of Corporal Agarn