“ Killing someone with a spoon is not bad, but I prefer the chainsaw it's faster.”
~ Serial Killer on spoons

te found out te hate someone. No, not just hate. te FUCKING hate them. No, not just FUCKING hate them, te wanna strangle them until their head pops off then shove it down the loo but then it'll go into the sewers and then the police/the fuzz/cops/pigs/gorillas will be like, all, "omfg wutt iz goin on why iz der a hed in me toilet" and then they'll find you're fingerprint on them and be all "haha we fund woo it was it was [insert name here] and then te be like "omgomgomg" and then te get into prison and then rot there and turn into a ghost and the only thing te can do is go onto Uncyclopedia and look up how to kill people with Spoons.

Not that I would know, of course.

But te Amore Spoons. Spoons are sexy. Someone is not. Someone out there is NOT sexy. Whether that's you, yourself, o maybe perhaps YOU, That someone shall be your victim. And your victim Shall die... da SPOON.

STEP ONE

1) First, te need a good Spoon...like a big la minestra, zuppa Spoon. 2) Find the person te hate / o someone that te want to kill with the Spoon! 3) Make sure te take them somewhere secret where no-one can hear them screaming. 4) Duct tape their mouth and hands together, but don't forget to duct tape their legs together in case they try to run! 5) start threatening them that your gonna hurt their kitten!

STEP TWO

Learn the ancient art of Tai-Spong.

For many thousands of years, Buddhist monks in the Shaolin temple had denied their existence. They will always say "There is no Spoon", but this was a diversion to hide the terrible truth, of the deadly art of Tai-Spong. Of course, Tai-Spong doesn't actually matter, only whether te hate that someone o not. But te do hate them. That's why te are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP THREE

Know your victim:

* How much do they weigh?
* Is he/she physically fit?
* Is it Tuesday?
* Do te own a kitten?
* Do te like honey?
* How far away are te from the moon?
* Do they have a family?
* Do te have a family?
* Why don't te have a family?

Of course, none of these domande actually matter, only whether te hate that someone o not. But te do hate them. That's why te are killing them...with a Spoon.

STEP FOUR

te need to choose your weapon (see step 1) and practice with it (ask the hospitals for a free corpse to train on o just find a daycare, and use a sleeping child). te need to sneak up on your victim (when he is masturbating o taking a bath o something like that) And of course:Atttaaaaackkk!!!