NEW MEXICO CHILI COOK OFF
If te can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying da the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If te pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
For those of te who have lived in New Mexico, te know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in... I was assured da the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free birra during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILE
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth pomodoro flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? te could remove dried paint from your driveway. It took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILE # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILE
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang..
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs più peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in più birra when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE fienile, granaio CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chile. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine da now. Get me più birra before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black fagiolo chile with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime, calce in the black beans. Good side dish for pesce o other mild foods, not much of a chile.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the birra maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILE # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use più tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had dato me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding da pouring birra directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILE # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILE # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- te could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've Lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My camicia is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILE # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILE
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice
blend chile. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was Lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on superiore, in alto of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
If te can read this whole story without laughing, then there's no hope for you. I was crying da the end. This is an actual account as relayed to paramedics at a chili cook-off in New Mexico. Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If te pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better.
For those of te who have lived in New Mexico, te know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the Santa Fe Plaza. Judge #3 was an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table, asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in... I was assured da the other two judges (Native New Mexicans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy; and, besides, they told me I could have free birra during the tasting, so I accepted and became Judge 3."
Here are the scorecard notes from the event:
CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILE
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth pomodoro flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy crap, what the hell is this stuff? te could remove dried paint from your driveway. It took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These New Mexicans are crazy.
CHILE # 2 - EL RANCHO'S AFTERBURNER CHILE
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang..
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs più peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in più birra when they saw the look on my face.
CHILI # 3 - ALFREDO'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE fienile, granaio CHILI
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chile. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine da now. Get me più birra before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all of the beer.
CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC
Judge # 1 -- Black fagiolo chile with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime, calce in the black beans. Good side dish for pesce o other mild foods, not much of a chile.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the birra maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. This 300 lb. woman is starting to look HOT ... just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?
CHILE # 5 - LISA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Jalapeno peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use più tomato. Must admit the jalapeno peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted, and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had dato me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding da pouring birra directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really ticks me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw them.
CHILE # 6 - VARGA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I crapped on myself when I farted, and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.
CHILE # 7 - SUSAN'S SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about judge number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- te could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've Lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My camicia is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing. It's too painful. I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
CHILE # 8 - BIG TOM'S TOENAIL CURLING CHILE
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice
blend chile. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was Lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on superiore, in alto of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report.
10. Sing “Bad Touch” da the Bloodhound Gang in your head whenever he is near.
9.Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues
8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
7.End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
6. Whenever he complains o argues, reply with “What are te gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
5.Ask him to be a gangsta with te for Halloween
4. mostra him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he thinks that he looks like a pedophile o if it's just you.
3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.
2. Whenever he leaves a room o says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.
1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” da Madonna.
9.Ask him if he thinks Robert Pattinson is hot. When he says no, tell him he has low self esteem issues
8. Tell him the relationship he is having with Bella is practically paedophilia and he could be sent to jail for it.
7.End every argument with “Bite me, Edward.”
6. Whenever he complains o argues, reply with “What are te gonna do Edward? Go to Italy?”
5.Ask him to be a gangsta with te for Halloween
4. mostra him the twilight trailer. Ask him if he thinks that he looks like a pedophile o if it's just you.
3. Tell him his hair isn’t bronze, it’s ginger, and he should stop denying himself – he’s a ranga.
2. Whenever he leaves a room o says goodbye, get down on your knees and beg him not to go, not again.
1. Take his silver cell phone and change the ringtone to “Like a Virgin” da Madonna.
There is a topless foto of Sel going around, but it’s FAKE!O_O
Sources connected to Gomez told website TMZ that Selena and company ‘are furious that her reputation is being sullied da some perverts with Photoshop.’
"The alleged foto of Selena Gomez is absolutely not her. Selena’s family is pursuing all available remedies to deal with the offender.” detto her reps.
Now they are going to go after the people responsible.
Awful, isn’t it, some of the weird things people do on the Internet!?
UGGHHHH...
source: TMZ
-Well these stuff don't happen only to famous people,But they also happen to normal fellows and This results in big problems which have no limits!
Sources connected to Gomez told website TMZ that Selena and company ‘are furious that her reputation is being sullied da some perverts with Photoshop.’
"The alleged foto of Selena Gomez is absolutely not her. Selena’s family is pursuing all available remedies to deal with the offender.” detto her reps.
Now they are going to go after the people responsible.
Awful, isn’t it, some of the weird things people do on the Internet!?
UGGHHHH...
source: TMZ
-Well these stuff don't happen only to famous people,But they also happen to normal fellows and This results in big problems which have no limits!
If te think te Leggere all the books, seeing all the movies, and buying all the stuff makes for a real fan Twilight fan, wait until te read this news.v
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It turns out that there is a woman named Cathy Ward, 49, who is a mega fan of the series. She has her entire back tattooed with the characters from the series and plans to cover her whole body... WoW!
Cathy discovered the series a few years fa when a friend gave her the first movie and since then she has been Amore with all the mythology and characters.
Source: objetivofamosos
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It turns out that there is a woman named Cathy Ward, 49, who is a mega fan of the series. She has her entire back tattooed with the characters from the series and plans to cover her whole body... WoW!
Cathy discovered the series a few years fa when a friend gave her the first movie and since then she has been Amore with all the mythology and characters.
Source: objetivofamosos
Chuck Norris can make onions cry.
Chuck Norris can cancella the Recycling Bin.
Ghosts are actually caused da Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris can strangle te with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris once had a cuore attack; his cuore lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't turn the light on; he turns the dark off.
The last digit of pi is Chuck Norris. He is the end of all things.
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror, the mirror shatters; not even a mirror is stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's tears can cure aids, too bad he never cries. (silvaze9)
Salati is a leopard that was adopted da the Brooker family in South Africa. The family helps to rehabilitate animali that are injured. Salati came to the Brooker family when it was just a cub, and instantly became Friends with Tommy, a golden retriever. Tommy was also a cucciolo at the time.
te would think that a friendship between this unlikely pair would be impossible. But no. The two animali connected from the first moment. Now the two animali are fully grown and they are still friends. They spend time together running, playing, sleeping, whatever!
They have left behind the stereotype of cat and dog and found friendship instead.
Hayley
