[Everybody Loves Raymond] 116 - Diamonds #385
Marie: Oh I used to Amore Valentines Day!... then I met your father.
Frank: I used to Amore every day.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 121 - Fascinating Debra #409
Debra: There's nothing funny about me to imitate y'know?
Ray: Oh, what are te talking about? Here I'll do you. "Ray, get off of me, it's not your birthday"
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 202 - Father Knows Least #380
Ray: Look, te have to do what Mommy says.
Ally: Why?
Ray: 'Cause I do.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 207 - Anniversary #381
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Frank: There's a sad word��'- almost.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 208 - The Children's Book #382
Ray: I was wondering-- are we still fighting?
Debra: What? Oh, no, no.
Ray: Okay, good. I almost bought flowers.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For Natale #379
[about sex]
Debra: te know, it's not always me what about last week when I was in the mood and te weren't?
Raymond: When was that???
Debra: Wednesday. te were watching TV I asked te to give me a backrub. Yeah te gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Raymond: Wait wait a minute. te ask for a backrub, and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington?
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 212 - All I Want For Natale #383
Ray: Not the flannel pajamas!
Debra: What?
Ray: When te come to letto wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance but the flannel pajamas? te might as well be wearing a porcupine suit!
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 217 - The Ride-Along #384
Debra: Ally, what are te doing?
Ally: Cutting Molly's hair.
Debra: Oh no, no, honey, te can't cut a doll's hair. It won't grow back-- only people hair grows back.
Ally: Oh. [pauses, calls for her baby brother] Geoffrey!
Debra: Oh, no, no, no, Ally, go ahead. Just cut the doll's hair. Hey, look, te missed a spot.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 303 - The Sitter #398
Ray: [referring to messy house] te know what te need, te need some real help around here.
[Debra glares at Ray]
Ray: Keeping in mind I have a very busy schedule.
Debra: Oh yeah that's right gee isn't it time for your 9 o'clock butt scratch?
Ray: That's okay I don't do that anymore I'm on the patch.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 305 - The Visit #399
[practising saying mom for Debra's mother]
Ray: Mom... mom... mom...
Marie: [walks through door] Hiii!
Ray: Wow, that... that is powerful... Let me try something: Xena warrior princess, Xena warrior princess...
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #410
Ray: Hey.
Marie: Hi honey, want some eggs?
Frank: Don't listen to her, it's not eggs. It's got fake egg crap.
Marie: It tastes exactly the same.
Frank: Yes. Exactly like crap.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 310 - No Fat #411
Ray: Why didn't te bring your dog, Robert?
Robert: I don't think Shamsky would eat this.
Ray: Yeah, but we could eat him.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 413 - Bully On The Bus #343
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #371
Raymond: Happy Anniversary. Hey, te know what I was thinking? Since this is our tenth anniversary, why don't we let the kids stay at grandmas and grandpas, all night, if te know what I mean?
Debra: Hey, ciao we could watch our wedding video?
Raymond: I guess te don't know what I mean.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #372
[after finding out raggio, ray taped over his wedding video]
Frank: ciao good work Ray. Now when some broad starts yapping "you're never romantic!". Guys everywhere can say "Hey, te think I'm bad? At least I didn't pull a raggio, ray Barone.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #373
Marie: Well I'll tell te what I would like if I were Debra...
Frank: I'd like it if te were Debra!
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 416 - The Tenth Anniversary #374
Robert: [referring to the wedding magazines] Where did te get these?
Ray: The edicola -- it was so embarrassing. I had to buy some porn just to even it out.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #375
Frank: First of all, if I have anything to say about your mother, I'm not afraid to say it right to her face... secondo of all, those are not jokes.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 418 - Debra Makes Something Good #402
Ray: I'm not going to make those jokes anymore.
Debra: Thank you.
Ray: Will te still cook for me?
Debra: Yes.
Ray: Will te take your clothes off?
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #376
Raymond: Maybe te should cut them some slack.
Robert: What?
Raymond: Yeah 'cause they mean well... y'know?... Well, mom means well, dad's just, mean.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 421 - Someone's Cranky #377
Robert: Apparently if te leave latte out for twelve weeks, it goes bad and then explodes. [holds a candle] However, this is lavender bouquet.
Raymond: Can we use it to light the apartment on fire?
Debra: Robert, do te have any più candles?
Frank: o an old sneaker I can bury my face in?
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #378
Raymond: People! Shut up all of te guys. Debra's not feeling well, bio... hormonally.
Frank: Oh! Got it. The enemy within.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 422 - Bad Moon Rising #400
Debra: Oh, would te STOP? I'm not crying because of the way I sound! I'm crying because I'm married to an insensitive derfwad, who instead of trying to make life easier for his wife, tape-records her so he has proof she's a terrible person!
Ray: What's a derfwad?
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 508 - Young Girl #388
Ray: Let me tell te something Robert, there's two Debras. That's right. There's the Debra te see that doesn't have a problem with it. Then, when everybody leaves, there's the Debra that I see: Darth Debra.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #391
Ray: If one was asked to read a book called Devilwood, one would be correct in assuming that the book was scary, o exciting o had something devil-y in it, wouldn't one?
Robert: One would.
Ray: Well then one would be wrong!
Robert: What's going on Raymond?
Ray: Debra wants me to read this so we have stuff in common. But I swear this sucker's like a horse tranquilizer.
Here, listen to this first line. "Imagine a rain so beautiful it must never have existed" what does that mean? What does that mean?? Tell me right now what does that mean???
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #392
Debra: Have te read any of that book?
Ray: I read a lot.
Debra: Yeah? What's it about?
Ray: It's, it's about a rain that's so beautiful, I can't even believe it existed.
Debra: That's the first line, you've read ONE LINE!
Ray: And I was gonna read the successivo line when I came out of my COMA!
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 515 - Silent Partners #393
Ray: This burro is the perfect temperature Slash density.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 522 - Say Uncle #304
Frank: Marie, what the hell? One secondo te were making me pancakes, the successivo secondo you're gone... which would be great if there were pancakes.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 612 - Season's Greetings #313
[about the Natale letter from ten years prior]
Frank: I remember this. I had all the stuff I was gonna do when I retire on it.
Marie: Was "be nicer to your wife" on there?
Frank: Might as well have been, it's all ridiculous crap!
Contributed da evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 618 - The Breakup Tape #315
Ray: So I have to live in a museum of your erotic past.
Debra: It's not a museum.
Ray: So te admit... it was erotic!
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #316
Frank: Let me tell te about life.
Ray: Great. We're gonna hear the meaning of life from a man who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called "Protecting your sandwich".
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 619 - Talk To Your Daughter #317
Ray: What, te don't think I can do it? I'll do it, I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: I'll tell te what, Ray. te can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.
Contributed da evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 620 - A Vote For Debra #318
Debra: te were stuffing your pants with food!
Ray: I'm your husband, you're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants!
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 625 - The First Time #319
Debra: Oh, honey, honey, not tonight, okay? How about tomorrow?
Ray: How about we start tonight and go til tomorrow?
Debra: We'd have to start at 11:59, then.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 705 - Who Am I? #320
Ray: Are te having an affair with the bookstore guy?
Debra: Right. He's 60 years old, got one eye, and he smells of the jungle.
Ray: Yeah, that's how te like it.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 712 - Grandpa Steals #321
Robert: Your daughter, your problem.
Ray: You're stupid, you're ugly.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 714 - Just A Formality #322
Debra: te listen to me Robert. This is between te and Amy. Her parents
are just going to have to get used to the idea. But it's your life. te do what te want to do.
Ray: Until te get married. Then te do what she wants to do.
Contributed da evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 715 - The Disciplinarian #323
Ray: Come on. You've seen me lay down the law, right?
Frank: I've seen te lay down.
Contributed da evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 717 - Meeting The Parents #324
Frank: Dear Lord, please keep this in-law family the hell away from me!
Hank: And te can stay the heck away from us, too.
Frank: te can say "heck" all te want, He knows te mean "Hell"!
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 718 - The Plan #403
[After Robert messes up the wedding invitations]
Amy: And what's this? 'Attire optional?' It's supposed to be 'black tie optional.' 'Attire optional' means 'maybe naked'! There's going to be nude people... at the church... on a Wednesday!
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com





[Everybody Loves Raymond] 720 - Who's Next? #325
Marie: te stay away from my husband!
Frank: Marie, we were just talking.
Marie: te weren't just talking, te were picturing her naked.
Frank: Get out of my head, Woman!
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 722 - Baggage #401
Debra: I have to do everything around here! I swear, if I don't do it, then it doesn't get done!
Frank: Well, that's because...now, take it easy...-that's how it's supposed to be.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - home From School #326
Michael: I don't have any homework!
Ray: Woahwoahwoawoa... who do te think you're dealing with here huh? I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your mother to not ask me to do stuff, okay?... I know all the angles pal, I know all the excuses. If my dog Shamsky had eaten as much homework as I detto he woulda pooped the encyclopedia britannica.
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 803 - home From School #327
Michael: I went up to the teacher to ask her a question, and I accidentally detto "Mommy."
Ray: te called the teacher "Mommy?" Why? Was the teacher yelling?
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 804 - Misery Loves Company #311
Robert: You're so closed off. Holding your wife's hand could be pleasurable for you. And più importantly, it might allow her to feel wanted and loved da you.
Raymond: How does that get me out of laundry?
Robert: If te could connect with your wife emotionally, then perhaps te wouldn't see doing laundry as a chore. te might do it willingly, for her, as a gesture of love.
Raymond: te are an idiot wrapped in a moron.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 814 - Lateness #328
Debra: te used to think I was worth waiting for.
Ray: te were worth waiting for, but after fifteen years, te should be here da now!
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 816 - Security #329
Marie: Since when is there a law against me expressing my feelings?
Frank: I've been trying to pass that legislation for years.
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 821 - The Model #330
Marie: I always thought Robert was a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was più of a "look at that."
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #331
Debra: Look at all the scribbles on this notebook! "Tommy and Ally Forever," "Ally Hearts Tommy," "Ally Sanders."
Ray: Oh, look. te see? That's not even Ally's notebook.
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #332
Amy: te know, Deb, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time, in Church choir, we were all supposed to sing "What a Friend We Have In Jesus," and my Friends and I sang "What a Friend We Have in Cheeses!"
Contributed da Courtney E


[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #333
Robert: What about when I was 13 years old, and my pallacanestro, basket coach called me "The Useless Giraffe?"
Frank: te were six foot five. te couldn't grab a couple of rebounds?
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 905 - Ally's F #334
Ray: If x equals lame, that guy is 4 times x!
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 906 - Boys' Therapy #335
[Frank is Leggere a paper on the track horses]
Frank: we gotta bet this horse. It's unbeatable! It's unstoppable.
Robert: Marie's Mouth
Ray: This is a sign!
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 911 - The Faux Pas #336
Debra: I want to assure te that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks più than all of us.
Contributed da funnytvquotes.com



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #337
Frank: Hey, could te pass the salt?
Marie: What did te say?
Frank: I want to put some salt on this.
Marie: In 47 years of marriage, you've never salted my lasagna!
Frank: Marie, it's bad enough it needs it. te gotta remind me how long we've been married?
Contributed da evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 912 - Tasteless Frank #338
Robert: te know, Dad, I have to say, I'm surprised that te can't appreciate the interplay of these flavors--the smokiness of the ham, delicately contrasting with the sweetness of the egg custard.
Frank: Why don't te put on a dress and do a dance?
Contributed da evilcheese



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 913 - Sister-In-Law #339
Amy: I should've realized guys just want to watch TV and be left alone.
Frank: Amy, will te marry me?
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #340
Robert: Yeah, I always know when Amy's in the mood, cause she gives me this little sly smile.
Ray: Yeah... I think she's saying hurry up and get it over with.
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #341
Ray: It's like the più I turn her down, the più she wants it. She's like a guy!
Contributed da Courtney E



[Everybody Loves Raymond] 914 - The Power Of No #342
Robert: I'm going to help Amy pick out drapes.
Ray: If there's any material left over, maybe te can make yourself a little skirt.
Contributed da Courtney E