This articolo belongs to link on Tumblr.
A quick run-down should te ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.
1. Don’t have sex.
-Seriously
-Abstinence is key.
2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.
-I don’t care how good he says his weed is
-he is cuckoo bananas
-and he wants te dead.
3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.
-There are six words te should YouTube, should te get the chance
-“Kevin bacon, pancetta affumicata in Friday the 13th”
4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.
-If the killer can’t see te o hear te WHY WOULD te MOVE?
-Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.
5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause te never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.
-Someone will always be barefoot
-Or in heels
-Or just plain clumsy
-And will sprain their ankles
-And die.
6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.
-Don’t walk around looking for people
-House of Wax, anyone?
7. Don’t be a hero.
-Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, te will die.
-Hell, maybe even then.
-I mean.
8. If te hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.
-The killer is there.
-Also your dog is dead.
9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.
-The last thing te need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.
10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.
-Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck
11. Don’t go into the basement.
-They are creepy enough without te dying in one.
12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct domande about either the history of the home o the precedente tenants, DO NOT sposta IN.
-At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.
13. Turn off the Televisione (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.
-It is obviously your wisest choice.
-SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.
14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.
-Move very very far away
-Because there’s blood on your walls.
-Blood.
-Your
-Walls
-Are
-Bleeding.
15. Don’t act like a detective.
-Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack te in a closet.
-If te live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
-But if te die, it is like the opposite of awesome.
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.
-If più than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, te know not to go there.
-Issue. Solved.
17. Don’t get drunk. o come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.
-Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.
18. If te see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your Friends playing a trick on te to scare you.
-It is the killer.
-ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that te in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
-Killers are very sensitive about their disguises.
19. Don’t take a shower.
-ONLY APPLIES IF:
-It’s past midnight at the campground te and your sorority sisters are staying at or
-The lock to the door doesn’t work and te hear creepy Pianoforte music
AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:
20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.
-Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he
A quick run-down should te ever find yourself trapped in a horror movie and would prefer to live to tell the tale.
1. Don’t have sex.
-Seriously
-Abstinence is key.
2. Don’t go out with people you’ve just met that day.
-I don’t care how good he says his weed is
-he is cuckoo bananas
-and he wants te dead.
3. Don’t go to camp. Especially one where someone was murdered.
-There are six words te should YouTube, should te get the chance
-“Kevin bacon, pancetta affumicata in Friday the 13th”
4. Find a good hiding place and… STAY. THERE.
-If the killer can’t see te o hear te WHY WOULD te MOVE?
-Possibly the easiest rule to follow and, ironically enough, the easiest to break.
5. Always wear sensible shoes, ‘cause te never know when you’ll need to run through the woods.
-Someone will always be barefoot
-Or in heels
-Or just plain clumsy
-And will sprain their ankles
-And die.
6. If the town looks deserted, it’s probably because everyone is dead.
-Don’t walk around looking for people
-House of Wax, anyone?
7. Don’t be a hero.
-Unless you’re name is Harry Fucking Potter, te will die.
-Hell, maybe even then.
-I mean.
8. If te hear something creepy in the distance, like a dog’s yelp cut off mid-bark, don’t investigate.
-The killer is there.
-Also your dog is dead.
9. Always check the backseat before entering your vehicle.
-The last thing te need is to be killed while trying to merge on the expressway.
10. If your car breaks down in front of a dilapidated gas station, don’t ask a sketchy-looking townie for help.
-Some part of your body will wind up in his pick-up truck
11. Don’t go into the basement.
-They are creepy enough without te dying in one.
12. If you’re trying to buy a house and the real estate agent won’t answer any direct domande about either the history of the home o the precedente tenants, DO NOT sposta IN.
-At some point, someone in the house heard voices and cracked.
13. Turn off the Televisione (and run away) if a girl crawls out of it.
-It is obviously your wisest choice.
-SEE ALSO: poltergeist, daughter trapped in tv because of.
14. If the walls of your house bleed, do not attempt an exorcism.
-Move very very far away
-Because there’s blood on your walls.
-Blood.
-Your
-Walls
-Are
-Bleeding.
15. Don’t act like a detective.
-Some crazy Japanese kid who meows like a cat will attack te in a closet.
-If te live, awesome story to tell your friend, right?
-But if te die, it is like the opposite of awesome.
16. Google the location you’ll be vacationing at.
-If più than five reports for “Missing Persons” pops up, te know not to go there.
-Issue. Solved.
17. Don’t get drunk. o come under the influence of any mind-altering drug.
-Running away from a killer is that much harder when you’re tipsy and giggling.
18. If te see someone in a mask, don’t assume it’s one of your Friends playing a trick on te to scare you.
-It is the killer.
-ALSO: laughing while saying, “Tommy, is that te in that stupid mask? Oh, I’m so-o-o-o-o scared!” is not conducive to your surviving.
-Killers are very sensitive about their disguises.
19. Don’t take a shower.
-ONLY APPLIES IF:
-It’s past midnight at the campground te and your sorority sisters are staying at or
-The lock to the door doesn’t work and te hear creepy Pianoforte music
AND THE LAST AND MOST IMPORTANT:
20. If the call is coming from inside the house, get out.
-Clearly the killer is not outside, now is he
The sky turned as dark as the eerie path in an endless cave as I walked briskly up the pathway of my new house. I finally reached the door and the strong, cold wind howled in my ears and tore away the last of autumn's golden leaves. I took a deep breath, opened the door and cautiously stepped inside. I was greeted da a grand entrance hall and the greatest flight of stairs I've ever seen! I decided to take a tour around this magnificent mansion. "Am I dead o am I alive?" I'd whisper, absolutely stunned. I opened the door of my new bedroom. I felt a buzz of excitement erupt in me. There was a portrait that hung over the king size bed. It was of a girl with long, wavy ginger hair. she wore a navy ball toga, abito and her eyes shone like sapphires. I unpacked my bags, got into my PJs and read a chapter of my book.
“You can’t!” I screeched, griping the thick erba beneath my paws.
“The whole forest will belong to the Pack of Shadows!” the dark lupo exclaimed enthusiastically, his pelliccia flickering like shadows, “No lupo will stop us!”
I have to do something! I couldn’t let it end like this! Not with the alpha in this state! Not with the pack diviso, spalato in four!
“Out of my way pup!” he tossed me aside like a tiny mouse.
“No!” I leaped at him, biting and clawing with all my strength.
“This is pointless! te cannot defeat me she-wolf!” I felt him bite me and fling me away again. I was too tired to sposta now, after traveling this far without resting, I can no longer breathe enough to live.
I’m over; this is the end of the Pack of Ice! I lay winded and defeated, awaiting death’s arrival patiently.