A teacher forwarded this lista of commenti from test papers, essays, etc., inviato to science and health teachers da elementary, junior high, high school, and college students. As she noted, It is truly astonishing what weird science our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades.
The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the cuore and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When te smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super saturated solution is one that holds più than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a fiore is its only protections agenst insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the più extinct it is.
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Magnet: Something te find crawling all over a dead cat.
Momentum: What te give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded da sky.
Rhubarb: A kind of sedano gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty spazio where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative o negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the cuore stops.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep latte from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. o put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
And Now, Even più Weirdness!
These are supposedly actual risposte dato on High School Science Tests:
Many dead animali of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
All animali were here before mankind. The animali lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms.
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.
The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them.
Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the superiore, in alto and te sit on the bottom.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Some people say we condescended from the apes.
The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body. Those who catch soars get leprosy.
The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth cavity and the abominable cavity.
Most libri say the sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into the sun in the daytime.
Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.
A liter is a nest of young baby animals.
The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
Parallel lines never meet unless te bend one o both of them.
Algebra was the wife of Euclid.
A cerchio is a figure with 0 corners and only one side.
A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight.
Genetics explains why te look like your father and if te don't, why te should.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds più than it can hold.
The pistol of a fiore is its only protection against insects.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a toro that gave a great deal of latte with a toro with good meat.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is dato off. This is known as constipation.
As the rain forests in the amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.
te can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close te came to getting hit. If te don't hear it, te got hit so never mind.
The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the cuore and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.
H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.
To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
When te smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration.
The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader.
Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire.
A super saturated solution is one that holds più than it can hold.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
The pistol of a fiore is its only protections agenst insects.
The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to.
A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors.
The tides are a fight between the Earth and moon. All water tends towards the moon, because there is no water in the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the più extinct it is.
Equator: A managerie lion running around the Earth through Africa.
Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
Liter: A nest of young puppies.
Magnet: Something te find crawling all over a dead cat.
Momentum: What te give a person when they are going away.
Planet: A body of Earth surrounded da sky.
Rhubarb: A kind of sedano gone bloodshot.
Vacuum: A large, empty spazio where the pope lives.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative o negative.
To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose.
For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower than the body until the cuore stops.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For head cold: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
To keep latte from turning sour: Keep it in the cow.
For fainting: Rub the person's chest, or, if a lady, rub her arm above the hand instead. o put the head between the knees of the nearest medical doctor.
To prevent contraception, use a condominium.
And Now, Even più Weirdness!
These are supposedly actual risposte dato on High School Science Tests:
Many dead animali of the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.
All animali were here before mankind. The animali lived peacefully until mankind came along and made roads, houses, hotels and condoms.
Men are mammals and women are femammals.
Proteins are composed of a mean old acid.
The largest mammals are to be found in the sea because there is nowhere else to put them.
Involuntary muscles are not as willing as voluntary ones.
Methane, a greenhouse gas, comes from the burning of trees and cows.
The spinal column is a long bunch of bones. The head sits on the superiore, in alto and te sit on the bottom.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas.
Some people say we condescended from the apes.
The leopard has black spots which look like round soars on its body. Those who catch soars get leprosy.
The three cavities of the body are the head cavity, the tooth cavity and the abominable cavity.
Most libri say the sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into the sun in the daytime.
Cadavers are dead bodies that have donated themselves to science. This procedure is called gross anatomy.
A liter is a nest of young baby animals.
The earth makes a resolution every 24 hours.
Parallel lines never meet unless te bend one o both of them.
Algebra was the wife of Euclid.
A cerchio is a figure with 0 corners and only one side.
A right angle is 90 degrees Farenhight.
Genetics explains why te look like your father and if te don't, why te should.
A supersaturated solution is one that holds più than it can hold.
The pistol of a fiore is its only protection against insects.
An example of animal breeding is the farmer who mated a toro that gave a great deal of latte with a toro with good meat.
If conditions are not favorable, bacteria go into a period of adolescence.
When oxygen is combined with anything, heat is dato off. This is known as constipation.
As the rain forests in the amazon are shrinking, so are the Indians.
te can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close te came to getting hit. If te don't hear it, te got hit so never mind.
