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I'm Dreaming Of A Fat Christmas

It was Natale Eve. Selena sat yet on her head, sipping slow eggnog.

She looked at the cute barca hanging on the Natale albero and sighed. Last year, alex had hung it there, just before they looked at each other conversely and then fell into each other's arms and stood each other's hand.

If only I hadn't been so pretty, Selena thought, pouring a funny amount of rum into her eggnog. Then alex might not have got so stupid and left me all alone at Natale time. She wiped away a fast tear and held her head in her hand.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and...
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posted by Shelly_McShelly
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. Use CB lingo where applicable.

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.

8. Answer their domande with questions.

9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and...
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posted by BellaCullen96
Act like te know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "BedWetter’s Camp, right?"
Add extra letters to words, ex: pizza becomes pizzzzzzzaaaaaaa
After ordering, say, "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
Answer their domande with questions.
Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g., If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
Ask for chips/fries with everything!
Ask for extra homo-sapien
Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
Ask how many...
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posted by amy36y
nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan
posted by hetaliaitaly
darker then light brighter then bright
nothing stands
but never lands
nothing i do ever makes me feel
nothing anyone does will make me real
im not really there and i dont care so why do i feel as lonely as air
something there but no one cares

just one thing that no one thinks is there
just something thats as quiet as death
im not there i never was not until
im ever loved
but i dont no one cares so why am i ever even there i am not real i am not there im just as dry as a vulcano flair.

(well heres another poem
and its about death so yep there we go)
Teacher:Okay Suzi go to the map and find North America.
Suzi:Right here!
Teacher:Good job!Now Bobby,who discovered America?
Bobby:Suzi Did!
god I cracked up today!
------------------------------------------------
Speaking of today!My class gotta go to our 'BOOK BUDDIES' Class room and help make gingerbread houses!My book buddy's name was Addy,(mine is Abby!)Anyways!It was like...SPRINKLE CITY!!If te were an ant,You would drown in sprinkles!!!!!!!!!GOD
My friend ,Sam,Was successivo to me...and she had like 50 spaz attacks!She was super hyped up!!!!Wow!They really shouldn't Put caramelle in front of her!And I just can't stand the sprinkles!!!!God!I almost devoured the icing!There was like M&Ms,Gummy Drops,
caramelle Canes,Nerds(one girl was like' Oh my god i Amore these!),a lot più too!Plus my friend Sam made a story called 'The Black Dragons' Kinda like The girl with the dragon tattoo!Listening to Taylor Swift's"Permanent marker"!Love it!

BYE GUTS AND GURLS!
posted by amy_the_demon
BY: me!!!!

coca: i want coca!!!
me: te want yourself O.o

barney: lets sing a lame culo song!!!!

c+m: *screams like girls* NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Barney: *jumps off bridge*

--------------

*micowave dings*

me: le gasp!!!! my burrito is done!!!!
*finds elmo eating my burrito*

me: ciao THAT'S MY BURRITO!!!!!!!!!!

coca: *bits elmo's arm*
I WILL BITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*barney walks in*

me: WTF!?!?!? YOUR SUPPOST TO BE DEAD!!!!!!!!!
barney: nom nom nom nom.........

coca: *throws elmo out the window*
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

*elmo lands on barney with a splat*

elmo: WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!!!!!!

coca: i though te were a KID'S show!
me: this is getting rediculous!!!!

elmo: kids suck.....
*me and coca gasp's*

barney: i hate my dino life......

me: we all do purple shit, we all do..

---------



FIN
posted by samuraibond005
I never really had a life as a kid, I was brought up to lead and to fight, I was never allowed to play with little toy trains o dolls. I learned to shoot with a large combat fucile rather than a bb gun, I learned swordsmanship with a live blade, not a wooden one, o even a stick when I was really young.
As a result of my lack of childhood and my desire to get it back, I met a young boy da the name of Jitsa, he was 8, he loved going out in the woods and hunting with his bb gun, he loved going home afterwards and playing with his little electric trains. I would play with him, though I brought...
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posted by kassilove
When I was “CLEANING OUT MY CLOSET, I found an old CD of Eminem aka “THE REAL SLIM SHADY”. I started listening to it and “SANG FOR THE MOMENT". I have always been a “STAN” of Eminem and WITHOUT HIM(ME) I think I might LOSE MYSELF(YOURSELF). And, “TILL I COLLAPSE” I want to fly like a “MOCKING BIRD” o even better as “SUPERMAN, because “WHEN IM GONE” I want to let everyone know that my life was “BEAUTIFUL”. I am “NOT AFRAID” to hit “ROCK BOTTOM” because I was born “LIKE A TOYSOLDEIR
Pretty much in no specific order. Enjoy!

~~

CLANNAD + {CLANNAD After Story}

Easily an instant classic, and needs più publicity. Very touching with memorable characters. I don't recommended this Anime for anxious people (mostly boys) who aren't comfortable with a steady plot with not too much going on until later in the story. WARNING: 99% chance of uncontrollable crying. Good luck, my Friends xD

Main themes: Comedy, romance, drama, slice of life


Kuroshitsuji (I + II)

I have been a fan of this series for a long while. It's origins are Victorian Era England, which makes it enjoyable for anyone who's...
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posted by invadercalliope
CCAALLIIOOPPEE
CCHHAANNEELL!
HIA EVERYBODY!
I'm your host InvaderCalliope!
Well i'm going to sing! *sings*
WELL AS te KNOW I GET TONS AND TONS OF fan LETTERS! NOW I WILL READ ONE TO YOU!
The Letter reads:Big hello to InvaderCalliope on this mostra i allways see a new guest stella, star so i was wondering how do te do it?
te WANNA KNOW BECAUSE ITS AN HONOR TO BE ON THIS mostra BEING ON THIS mostra AS ME AS THE HOST!
Well todays guest stella, star is..............KEEF!
Keef:HI EVERYONE I HOPE ZIM AND DIB ARE WATCHING THERE MY BEST FRIENDS!
InvaderCalliope:You know your Friends are going to think your pathetic.
Keef:WHAT!
InvaderCalliope:You herd me if te make them know your there whole world there going to use you!
OH NO WERE OUTTA TIME!
WELL BYE!
BUT FIRST PLZ ENJOY TODAYS SPECAIL PICTURE!
BYE ME!
To Deadly Quit

Emily and Katlyn were celebrating a pretty Valentine's giorno together. Emily had cooked a stupid cena and they ate on a log da candlelight.

"My darling," Katlyn said, stroking Emily's booty, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Emily. "It is but a quick token of my lesbian love."

Emily opened the box. Inside was a speedy snake! She gazed at it dreadfully. Then she gazed at Katlyn dreadfully. "It's iggnorant," Emily said. "Come here and let me quit you."

Just then, a dumb crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a smile that stretches ear to ear. "Your happiness will not...
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I know some domande about canada that non-canadians ask about Canada, i'm going to tell te the risposte


first, te can NOT see polar bears in the strada, via and we don't ride the them either we use CARS.


second, we live in houses, not igloos we would probably freeze after awhile


Thats all i know but know te won't think canadians live in igloos and if Miley cyrus is Leggere this and did say canada sucks,WELL IT DOESEN'T SUCK!!!!
IT ROCKS!!! i'm proud to live in Canada.

:)
"My name is Melody Willgrove and I am a werewolf."
"Now I never found myself pretty o anything I am just a normal girl(well as normal as a werewolf girl can be any way).''I am just a normal girl .Though every guy in the pack thinks I am sexy, but I have know idea why .''I mean what so good looking about me I have deep red hair (which has a mind of it own ),I am too skinny (blow away in the wind to skinny ),I am a shorty (5 foot ) ,and I am pale (burn a lot ).''The only two things I like about myself is my grey eyes(their like my dad's ) and my b-cups ,hey if I am going to be skinny I derserve...
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posted by Emoshinell
RUSH
---------
They say it's good to take your time
But it can be hard to do so
So I find myself asking the same domande
Over and over again

Whenever I rush into something
I'm told to slow down o else I'll get burned
But who knows
Maybe it's good sometimes
To rush into things
'Cause I know te know it's right So I say

(Chorus)
Let's rush
I know there's nothing wrong we can do
If we follow our hearts
Whether we rush
o we take our time
So let's rush

I want te to know this
That I'll never leave your side
We may rush o we may not
I want te to know this
I want te to know this
So I say

(Chorus X2)

Let's rush
Let's rush
posted by AlxanderRfan
I don’t know what makes te so dumb but it really works.

Anybody who told te to be yourself simply couldn’t have dato te worse advice…

Hi there, I’m a human being! What are you?

Shouldn’t te have a license for being that ugly?

Don’t let te mind wander – it’s far too small to be let out on its own.

Are te always this stupid o are te making a special effort today?

Sure, I’ve seen people like te before – but I had to pay an admission.

If te took an IQ test, the results would be negative.

Sure, I’d Amore to help te out…now, which way did te come in?

Brains aren’t everything....
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posted by zanesaaomgfan
1. Ask him why did he marry a woman like your mom

2. Tell him te met a guy in school

3. Sing a song he hates

4(reply to number 3) When he plays a song he likes, ask: "What awful music. How do te listen to that crap?"

5. When he is driving you(anywhere), constantly ask "where are we going?"

6. Call him da his name[Not so risky, always done it as a kid!]

7. When he lectures you, after he finishes it, ask him: "Ever heard of breath mint?"

8. Tell him that Justin Bieber is your preferito guy[If te hate Bieber, go with Cody Simpson o some who te like ALLOT!]

9. Come home saying te found your true...
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