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posted by x-menobsessed26
Application For Permission To data My Daughter
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied da a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical segnala from your physician.


Name:
data of Birth:
Height:
Weight:
IQ:
GPA:
Social Security Number:
Driver's License Number:
Boy Scout Rank:
Telephone:
home Address:
City:
State:
Zip:



Do te have one male and one female parent? ____
If "No", explain:



Number of years your parents have been married: ____
Any brothers o sisters? ____
Are they normal? ____


Do te own o have access to a van? ____
A truck with oversize tires? ____
A waterbed? ____


Do te have an earring, nose ring, o belly button ring? ____


Do te have a tattoo? ____

If te have answered YES to #3, #4 o #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.


In fifty words o less, what does Late mean to you?





In fifty words o less, what does Don't touch my daughter mean to you?





In fifty words o less, what does Abstinence mean to you?





In fifty words o less, what does Real Pain mean to you?





Church/Temple te attend: ____________________________

How often do te attend: ____________________________


When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi? ____________________________



Please fill in the blanks:


If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my ____________________________


If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my ____________________________


A woman's place is in the ____________________________


The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is ____________________________


When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is ____________________________

Note: If answer begins with "T" o "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised





What do te want to be if te grow up?





I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, torture o mental abuse.
Signature of applicant _________________________________

Signature of father _____________________________________

Signature of mother ____________________________________

Signature of priest/rabbi ___________________________________

Signature of State Representative _________________________



Thank te for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow 4-6 years for processing. te will be contacted in Scrivere if approved. If denied, please never apply again. Don't call me, I'll call you.
added by Sen_Kagemiya
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added by IZlover48
Source: epicfail.com
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Source: yep...woow
added by TokioSmosh
Source: My mom
added by Jeffersonian
added by Helen-Lover
posted by Bluekait
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program. The successivo day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 anno old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If te can catch me, te can have me."

Without a secondo thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the successivo four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs...
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i wanna tell te something and te better listen good here.If there's something te really enjoy and te have a huge dream that your really passionate about then go after it.Don't be afraid to follow your cuore because your cuore will lead te to the right direction.Don't let anyone discourage te and idc who the heck they are.You are always going to meet 2 people in your life.One person will discourage te and tell te that te are never gonna make it and the other person will encourage te to follow te dreams and will believe in you.They will want te to follow your dreams.So listen to that...
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posted by E-Scope90
I'm not trying to be abusive in any way, I just found this. I didn't write this.


Approximately 1-2% of humans, o about two in 100 people in the world, have red hair.j
The ancient Greeks believed that redheads would turn into Vampiri#From Dracula to Buffy... and all creatures of the night in between. after they died.i
Otherwise dark hair may turn red o blond in cases of severe protein deficiency due to starvation.c
Red is the rarest hair color in humans
The most rare hair color in humans is red.b
During the Middle Ages, a child with red hair was thought to be conceived during “unclean sex” o during menstruation.b
Red hair doesn’t gray as much as other hair...
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posted by pollydbookworm
This anatra walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do te have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the anatra leaves.

The successivo day, the anatra returns and asks, "Do te have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the anatra leaves.

The giorno after that, the anatra walks in the store again and asks "Do te have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told te no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if te come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck...
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1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read domande aloud, dibattito your risposte with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that te can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this domanda on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into...
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Tell the widow that the deceased's last wish was that she make Amore with te
Tell the undertaker that he can't close the coffin until te find your contact lens.
Punch the body and tell people that he hit te first.
Tell the widow that you're the deceased's gay lover.
Ask someone to take a snapshot of te shaking hands with the deceased.
At the cemetery, play taps on a kazoo.
Walk around tellin people that you've seen the will and they're not in it.
Ask the widow to give te a kiss.
Drive behind the widow's limo and keep honking your horn.
Tell the undertaker that your dog just died and ask...
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