Oh god.. Oh god...

I grew up with this movie.. As a kid I thought, this wasn't "that" bad... BOOOY was I wrong..

Early on we get Sean's death squalo attack.. Well, a shaky camera IMPLYING a squalo attack.. All while his screams are drowned da the Natale singers.. I know this because they switch back to the singers it at least 12 fucking times during the whole sequence..

I swear to god, this movie is just depressing as hell.. Not scary.. And Ellen (Martins wife) believew the squalo was WAITING for Sean.. It came for him because of what Martin did to his buddies..

(Dr. Elkins: Sharks don't take things personally, Mr. Brody.)

I could go on and on about that.. But that's only ONE of the many problems.. Like Michael running mid conversation down a beach.. Which is never explained why.

So, anyway, Ellen doesn't want anyone anywhere near the spiaggia ever again... Wait, why would they EVER go the spiaggia after the other films!?.

She says it killed Sean.. And Martin died from fear..

Martin. Died.. From fear... MARTIN!!
te know, the guy who blows up the first one after shoving a gas tank into it’s mouth. “Smile te son of a BITCH!".. And friggin electrocutes the second.. After luring it and saying "All right, te big bastard! Come On! I've got something for ya' now! That's it! Attaboy, come one! Right over here! Open wide OPEN WIDE! SAY AAH!”… Only scene from JAW 2, that makes it worth watching..

Than again.. This actually makes sense when te think about.. Espically after Quint’s death.. But still lame..

And why the fuck do they never fucking sposta away!? This place is a clear danger zone (Highway to the danger zone), Why do the body’s still go to the beach.. te think they’d learn da now..

So the family FINALLY head to the Bohamas.. But the squalo followed them..

CHRIS STUCKMANN: The Shark.. Followed them... From New York.. To the Bohamas.

So, appearently Ellen has some kind of X-men connection with this thing. When it's nearby she literary bursts up like a deer being spotted.. It's hilarious.

She also starts a romance with Michael Cane.. Cause nobody ever remembers the characters name.

So after the squalo attacks the whole family. Including the little girl. Ellen steals Michael's barca and hunts down the shark... UNARMED!!

So Michael and his friend go after Ellen. On Cane's plane, and the squalo attacks Cane.. Which only seems to mildly annoy him. And he later appears unharmed. Not even a lousy scatch.. o a fucking wet t-shirt!

So michael's friend has some knd of science thing that drives the squalo crazy. But Jake (yes that's his name) jumps in -I mean, falls into the Sharks mouth. And assumably dies. So Michael uses that science thing to make the squalo angry.. It shows this by.. ROARING!!

CHRIS STUCKMANN: Sharks don't have fucking vocal cords!

In the end. Ellen slams the boats front into the shark. Which causes it to literary EXPLODE!! And than using the same image from Jaws 1, it sinks to the sea.. The EXACT image. And just before this, there's Ellen having all these flashbacks towards events she was "never present for", including Martins "Smile te son of a BITCH!".
Reminding me, I could be watching the good one..

Not this.. shit!.. THIS FUCKING SHIT!!

Oh, and Jake lives.. And he's even cracking jokes.. te know, as we ALL would after being nearly eaten da a giant great white..

And that's how it ends..

So yeah.. te can watch for a few unintended laughs.. But otherwise. Lets pretend this never existed.. Like the producers are doing about the third...